


Tranquilized

by funhousefreak



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eventual Sex, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry for torturing these poor guys, M/M, Multi, PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funhousefreak/pseuds/funhousefreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edd was destroyed by Tord's betrayal, for more reasons than one. Now, he feels responsible for everything that happened and is haunted by the past. Tom and Matt try to help him get back to a normal life, but things are much more complicated than they seem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blame

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Basically, I fell in love with the headcanon that Edd feels really guilty and personally responsible for what happened with Tord, and all the guys really struggle with nightmares and stuff after The End. And then it turned really angsty and filled with fluff and sex. Oops. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

It was way too early to be awake. Especially on a Saturday morning. But sometimes you just can’t help it.

This was one of those times for Edd. He had just sat down on the couch in his living room, cradling his head in his hands with his elbows propped up on his knees. He was shaking uncontrollably, and he knew that any second now tears would start streaming down his cheeks. Calming his breath was impossible, as each inhale was broken up into shorts gasps of air and the exhale was just as shaky.

About five minutes prior, he had jolted awake from a terrible nightmare. He had been covered in sweat, and he was fairly sure he had screamed as well. When he glanced at his clock and saw it was only six, he wanted to go back to sleep. But he knew that wouldn’t be possible, not as least for several more hours.

Edd had been having these nightmares more and more frequently over the past month. By now they happened every few days, leaving him sleep-deprived and on edge. Tom had noticed this change in him recently, but wasn’t quite sure how to address it. Edd could usually take care of himself fairly well—better than him or Matt could take care of themselves, at least. Edd hadn’t picked up on Tom’s nervous glances or the wary looks he wore when they went their separate ways. Matt hadn’t seen Tom’s worry or Edd’s anxiety and exhaustion, not that that was unusual—he was typically relatively oblivious to these sorts of things.

Edd knew it would be a while before he would totally calm down. In the meantime, he shakily picked up the remote and turned on the T.V., though he paid no attention to whatever program popped up on the screen. He dropped the remote back onto the coffee table and returned to his initial position, this time slightly rocking back and forth to help soothe himself. Another minute or two passed just like this, until there were three loud knocks on the front door.

Startled, Edd jumped a little off of the sofa and let out a scared cry. His shaking only grew worse and his breathing became much more difficult. He was audibly gasping at this point, trying to get any air into his lungs that he could. Then, from the other side of the door, he heard a calming, familiar voice:

“Edd?”

Tom. Though Edd’s shaking did not improve, his breathing did some, as relief flooded his body at his realization. He slowly stood up, grabbing desperately at the arm of the couch for support.

“Coming!” he called in a feeble, trembling voice.

He slowly crossed the room, leaning against the wall to keep from collapsing. His legs felt like absolute jello, and he was honestly amazed that he made it to the door. He turned the deadbolt and unlocked the door, opening it a crack for Tom to enter. He then headed back to the couch and collapsed onto it, grateful to be sitting again. Tom opened the door wider and stepped inside, closing it behind him. His gaze immediately drifted to Edd, curled up in a ball on one end of the couch and shaking uncontrollably.

“Edd, what’s wrong? I heard you scream a few minutes ago.” Tom’s voice was filled with worry, as was his facial expression.

_Damn it,_ Edd thought to himself. _So I really did scream…_

“I, uh…” he tried to start. “I just…had a nightmare. Nothing serious.”

His attempt to seem composed was worthless. His trembling body and wavering voice completely gave him away. Tom let out a disappointed sigh before taking a seat next to Edd on the couch.

“What happened?”

“I told you—I had a nightmare.”

Tom’s face twisted into annoyance. “No, in the nightmare.”

Edd tensed, though his shaking continued. He averted his eyes from Tom’s gaze and stared at the floor. He bit his lip, trying to figure out how to convey the images in his mind into words.

“I…I relived what happened with…Tord. Except you actually died…and so did Matt. And Eduardo and Mark. Everything was on fire and there was blood everywhere and Tord was just laughing and....”

“Whoa, whoa, Edd, slow down,” Tom said, placing a hand on Edd’s right shoulder. It was then that Edd realized he had started crying. He sniffled, trying to stop the tears from continuing.

“It’s all so vivid in my head, Tom,” he mumbled, raising his gaze back to Tom.

“I’m sure it is. But it’s just a dream, Edd. We’re all okay now. It’s over.”

“I have that dream a lot. Several times a week.”

“I kinda figured that.”

“What?” Edd asked, confused. “How did you know?”

“What, you think I didn’t notice how uptight and tense you’ve been lately? You looked like you were waiting for something to jump out at you.”

“Oh…”

They sat in silence for several moments. Tom’s hand still rested on Edd’s shoulder, but both of them had looked elsewhere in the room. Edd was staring blankly at his knees, while Tom was transfixed by the television. It was another news story about the Red Leader and where he might be hiding. The longer the news anchor talked, the more and more unnerved Tom became. It did bring a question to mind, though.

“Edd, why are you having these dreams so frequently now? I mean, it’s been a month. Shouldn’t they be getting less frequent?”

“In theory, yeah,” Edd muttered, not tearing his gaze off of his knees. He opened his mouth several times, attempting to start a sentence, but each time not liking the way it sounded.

“What?” Tom finally prodded.

“I think it might be…I keep thinking more and more…about how it was…my fault….”

“What are you talking about, Edd?”

“Think about it,” he said, his voice trembling worse than several minutes before. “If I hadn’t let him in, if I hadn’t trusted him and fallen for his charismatic—”

“Edd, stop.”

“—then none of this would have happened—”

“Edd, seriously.”

“You wouldn’t have gotten hurt, or Matt. We’d still have our house. So would Eduardo. And Jon….” He started choking back sobs just at the thought of his goofy former neighbor.

“No, shut up,” Tom said, his voice louder and much harsher than before. Edd froze and looked over at him. “This is not your fault, Edd,” Tom continued, voice gentler now. “Tord would have done all that regardless of whether you’d let him in or not. He was planning this for so many years. There was no way anyone was going to stop him.”

The sobs couldn’t be restrained any longer. Tears poured down Edd’s face and he struggled to suck in breaths. Tom stopped talking and just looked at his friend. Edd uncurled his knees and set his feet back on the floor. He hunched over and placed his elbows on his thighs, laying his face in the palm of his hands again.

Tom scooched over closer to him and did something he had never done. He wrapped his arms around Edd’s body and pulled him close.

Tom shushed and whispered, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I promise.”

“Bu-but J-Jo-Jon…”

“I know. But if we hadn’t stopped Tord when we did, he would have killed so many others. Honestly, letting him in and watching him probably saved a lot of lives. If he had just snuck in, gotten his robot and left, he would have just slaughtered everyone. We stopped him.”

“But…why did I ever trust him?”

“Because he was your friend.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“Yes, he was, Edd.”

“He said it himself.”

“Tord says a lot of shit. Does that make it true?”

Edd didn’t attempt another retort. His breathing was retuning to normal, and fewer and fewer tears were escaping his eyes. After a minute or two more, he started to sit up again. Tom unwrapped his arms from his friend. Edd looked at him, eyes bloodshot and face tear-stained, and said:

“Thanks, Tom.”

“Anytime, Edd.”

“I’m so grateful you and Matt are okay.”

“So am I.”

Edd let out a little chuckle at the comment, followed quickly by a small yawn.

“Damn, it’s early.”

“ _Oh_ yeah.”

“Guess I’ll try going back to sleep now….”

“You want me to stay with you?”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks, though. I’ll see you for breakfast later?”

“Of course.”

Edd stood up and slowly made his was to his bedroom door. Before entering, he turned around and looked at Tom.

“Hey, you don’t think…Tord will come back, do you?”

Tom stood up from the couch and sighed.

“He got what he wanted, now it’s gone. There’s no reason for him to come back.”

Edd made a small noise of understanding. Tom cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why?”

“No reason. Just wondering.”

Tom turned towards the door and headed to it. He had his hand around the doorknob when he looked back at Edd and asked:

“You kinda want him to come back, don’t you?”

Edd remained silent for about half-a-minute, his gaze fixed on his bedroom floor. Then, he hesitantly responded, “Kinda. Maybe. But that’s just dumb, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it is.” Edd looked up and fixed his eyes on him, a blank look on his face. “But I’m not surprised.”

“You’re not?”

“No. He was your friend for like, a decade. It’s hard to just forget that.”

“Yeah…it really is. I hate myself for still caring, though.”

“Don’t. You’re a good person, Edd, who cares for his loved ones. That’s a good thing.”

“But—“

“Nope, stop, no more, go to bed.”

Edd sighed, but did not argue the point further. “Alright. Night, Tom.”

“Night, Edd.”

Edd went into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Tom stood at the front door for a few more seconds, deep in thought. He finally sighed and opened the door, heading out into the hallway and back to his apartment.


	2. Before Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set between the two parts of The End. Tord returns home and he and Edd have a lot to talk about...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping a bit back in time with this chapter to explore Edd and Tord's relationship before The End Part Two. Hope you enjoy!

It was a quiet night, much quieter than a normal Saturday night. Especially since Tord had returned to the house. Tom had gotten wasted much earlier than usual that evening, and he had already retreated to his room to sleep it off. Matt had left at five for a date, though apparently it had not gone well, as he returned an hour later and went straight to his room and refused to leave. Tord and Edd had decided to stay in and marathon bad movies and eat pizza, but even their plans had fallen through. A thunderstorm had knocked out the house’s power around seven, and their favorite pizza place was closed due to a kitchen fire that had occurred the previous evening.

“What luck…” Edd muttered under his breath as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“Well, when will it be here?” Tord yelled from the living room.

“Uh, never,” Edd replied hesitantly.

“What do you mean ‘never’?”

“The place caught fire last night so they’re closed for the week.”

“Aw, what? I bet it was fucking Jared! He always fucks our pizzas up!”

Edd laughed at Tord’s angry outburst. Tord had held a grudge on Jared the pizza guy since he had once brought them a small burned pizza that didn’t even have the toppings they wanted on it. Tord had opened the box, growled in anger, and sprinted out the front door and thrown the box at Jared’s car as it drove away. Edd had laughed throughout the whole ordeal, and it still was one of the funniest moments of his life.

“Well, what should we do tonight then?” Edd asked, plopping down on the couch next to Tord.

“Well…” Tord started. A mischievous gleam sparkled in his eyes, and he leaned closer to Edd. He slipped his right arm around the back of the couch above Edd.

“Tord,” Edd said in a serious, clipped tone. He knew where this was going, and he was not interested.

“Oh come on, Edd,” Tord whined. “It’s been eight years. I’ve missed you.”

"Yeah, eight years,” Edd repeated in a bitter tone, giving Tord a glare. He then closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing the heels of his palms against his closed eyelids. “Look, Tord, I’ve missed you, too, but you can’t just come back after eight years and expect to pick up right where we left off.”

Tord slunk his outstretched arm back and laid it by his side. “I know. I’m sorry. I just hoped that… _that_ might have stayed the same.”

“We weren’t even dating. You were the one who said you were afraid of commitment.”

“I know.”

“How do you know I’m not dating someone or that I didn’t date someone while you were gone?”

“I don’t.”

“So then why would you think nothing would change in almost a decade?”

Silence engulfed the room. Tord had a pensive look on his face as he stared into his lap. Edd stared at him, anxious to hear his answer. It was only now that Edd realized his heart was beating fast. After what seemed like ages, Tord finally looked Edd straight in the eyes and responded:

“Because I know you.”

Edd’s eyes widened, and he felt his cheeks heat up. “What do you…?”

“You said you loved me, the night before I left. And you’re not a liar. Or someone who lets feelings go easily.”

Edd’s blush worsened significantly. He averted his eyes from Tord’s, turning his head and staring at the carpet instead. He really had no idea what to say.

After several seconds of silence, Tord gently put his hand on Edd’s knee. “Edd?”

“I hate you.”

Tord rescinded his hand, shocked. “Wh-what?”

“I hate you…for knowing me so well. And I hate myself for proving you right.”

A small smile spread across Tord’s face, despite the deep frown on Edd’s.

“Don’t say that, Edd,” Tord said quietly. “What’s wrong with loving someone?”

“You left. For almost a decade. How can I just love you through all those years after you broke my heart?”

Those words stung painfully in Tord’s chest. He had never wanted that to happened. Hurting Edd was the last thing he wanted to do, even though it’d been inevitable.

“You know it hurt me to leave, Edd,” Tord whispered, his gaze returning back to his lap and smile falling. “But I had to do what I had to do.”

“And now it’s done?”

“And now it’s done.”

They sat in silence for about a minute. Then:

“Still…I can’t go back to what we were before you left. I can’t just be some secret friends-with-benefits to you…”

“You know you were never that to me,” Tord said, louder and more firmly than his last few statements. He looked up at Edd, whose face was still angled towards the floor. “You were always so much more than that.”

“Than why didn’t we date?”

“You know why.” Tord let out a sigh. “I always knew I’d have to leave. And I thought that if we were actually together, it would hurt us more.”

Edd was quiet for a moment, before he snapped, “You’re really dumb, you know that?”

“Yeah…” Tord muttered, scratching at the back of his head uncomfortably. “That was a really stupid thing to think….”

They sat in silence for several more minutes. Tord went back again to staring at his lap, fingers fiddling with the drawstrings of his hoodie. Edd continued to stare at the floor, completely absorbed in his thoughts.

“It was selfish. You’re selfish,” Edd murmured, still sounding far away.

“I know,” Tord said. Each new development in the conversation felt like a knife was being stabbed into his heart.

“If you knew you’d always have to leave, then why not just stay away from me? Why hurt us both by letting ourselves fall into this mess?”

“I tried to…but in the end….” Tord thought back to that night, the night when they had first gotten together. Edd’s hand on his, both of them having reached for a handful of popcorn at the same time. The look they exchanged afterwards. The tension, the silence, filled with apprehension. They both knew something had been occurring between them lately, and now it had come to a front. Each waited for the other to say something, do something. Finally, Edd had planted a kiss on his check. There was no going back after that—Tord couldn’t let him slip away then.

“I couldn’t just let you go after that,” Tord finished, his voice sounding far off and distant.

Edd understood exactly what “that” was referring to. It was a night they had talked about often after it occurred.

“You never said you loved me.”

“You know why I couldn’t do that. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it.”

Finally, Edd looked up at Tord with a blank expression. Tord caught his gaze, letting his hands fall into his lap.

“It was just…so dumb,” Edd said in an exasperated tone. “Why did we do this to ourselves? Why did we hurt ourselves like this just to have a few good months together?”

“Well…I think it’s because love is dumb. It makes you dumb. You do dumb shit when you’re in love.”

Edd sighed, turning his head downward as he looked into his lap. After several seconds, Edd mumbled more to himself than to Tord:

“I hate this. I feel like a moron.”

“Don’t.”

“Do you hate this?”

“Not in the least.”

“Why not? Doesn’t it just eat away at you?”

“Yeah…but I also fell in love with the greatest man on earth. And being back with him, getting to see his wonderful smile every day, makes any amount of pain worth it.”

Edd raised his head and stared at Tord. Tord had a dumb grin on his face that looked like one you might see in a romantic-comedy when someone falls in love. He knew Tord was flattering him, trying to convince him to give him another chance. Edd got the feeling he’d be safer staying away. What if Tord left again? Yet at the same time…

Love makes you do stupid things.

Edd scooched closer to Tord, eliminating the already small space between their seats. They stared at each other for several long seconds, waiting. Tord recognized that glint in Edd’s eyes, but he decided to let Edd initiate things, considering the conversation they’d just had. At last, Edd resolved himself and leaned in, placing his lips against Tord’s.

Tord’s eyes closed immediately as he sunk into the kiss. He had missed this so much. Edd’s lips were just as warm and soft as he remembered, only the tiniest bit chapped. He placed his right hand on the back of Edd’s head, letting his fingers run through Edd’s soft hair. Edd set his right hand on Tord’s cheek, cupping his face gently. In that moment, Tord forgot about everything besides Edd, and he genuinely felt like things could just stay this way forever.

 

                                                                                                              ~(*)~

 

Tord laid his body gently on top of Edd’s. He placed his head on Edd’s bare chest and closed his eyes, soaking up Edd’s warmth. The conversation they had had earlier had tired them out emotionally, and they both had been eager to crawl into bed and cuddle. Edd grabbed the quilt and pulled it up over them both, leaving his chest revealed so Tord could breathe. He wrapped his arms around Tord, pressing him even closer against himself. He planted a kiss on the top of Tord’s head before raising one of his arms up and combing the fingers through Tord’s hair. Tord smiled against Edd’s chest and let out a happy hum, loving every moment of the current situation. He placed a light kiss on Edd’s chest, then whispered, “I love you.”

A blush spread across Edd’s face, but he ignored it. Besides, it was more of a happy, in-love blush than one of embarrassment. He had waited eight years to hear those words…

“I love you, too,” Edd murmured, leaning forward and kissing Tord’s head again. Tord raised his head, making Edd stop combing his hair. Edd’s hand came around and cupped Tord’s cheek as the two men stared into each other’s eyes. Tord slid up Edd’s torso so he could reach his face more easily, and Edd closed the rest of the distance. They kissed for several moments before returning to their initial position to prepare for sleep. Edd went back to running his hands through Tord’s hair as they both drifted off. In his mind, he cursed Tord for knowing him so well, for knowing he’d wait for him and never stop loving him. He was pretty sure he’d never get out of this partnership, but that was okay. Tord was back, and he had no reason to leave again. They could finally be together now.

Tord, too, was thinking. He knew this was not what he had returned for. But he had missed this more than anything else. He also knew this would not last, not if he actually went through with his plan, which he had every intention of doing so. He was going to have to cherish every one of these moments before he had to give them up. Before he had to give up the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to be updating every other day at this point, since most of the chapters have already been written. And I'll be taking my laptop with my when I travel so I can keep updating and not try and rush this too much. See you Monday!


	3. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio receive some shocking news about their old friend, and Matt discovers there's a lot going on with Edd that he didn't know about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, back to the present now. Also, thank you to everyone who has left kudos thus far or commented. All the comments and kudos really make my day. You guys are awesome <3

“AGH!”

Edd jumped at the sound of the angry scream, which seemed to have come from inside Tom’s apartment. This noise was soon followed by another: the sound of shattering glass. Concerned, Edd walked over to Tom’s front door and knocked loudly.

“Tom, what’s going on?” he asked suspiciously and nervously. Tom sometimes behaves strangely when he drinks heavily, but he usually wasn’t flat-out furious like he seemed to be now. After several seconds, Edd heard stomping feet approaching the door, and soon after, it swung open to reveal an extremely irate Tom. His brow was furrowed and his facial expression full of disgust and hatred. His hands were balled into fists, and his teeth were gritted. Edd was honestly afraid of Tom in that moment, unsure of what could have made his friend this angry. In all the years they had known each other, Edd couldn’t recall ever seeing him this upset before.

“Come see for yourself,” Tom spat, voice laced with the same hatred covering his face. He stepped back and opened the door wider, allowing Edd to enter the apartment.

Tom walked over to the couch and gripped the back of it tightly, as if he were trying to avoid throwing more things. Edd walked in cautiously and first noticed the broken bottle of Smirnoff next to the television. It appeared to have been a new bottle, as a large pool of liquid was being absorbed into the carpet. Now Edd was really frightened: something must be seriously wrong if Tom wasted a whole bottle of Smirnoff just to get his anger out. Then Edd looked up at the actual T.V. screen.

Time froze. Edd’s heart skipped a beat and the color drained from his face. For an instant he forgot to breathe and he just stood there in Tom’s apartment, feeling like he was suffocating. Sweat beads formed on his forehead and palms. The room’s temperature felt like it had risen twenty degrees since he had entered mere seconds beforehand. Dizziness enveloped him and nausea flooded his stomach. Only one person could do all of this to him from just a single glance.

Tord was on the television screen, dressed in a new blood-red hoodie with a blue military overcoat on top. A large bandage covered most of the right side of his face, a result of the explosion from several months ago. He had a devious smile on that just screamed “evil” to Edd. Edd couldn’t hear a word that he was saying, but he was standing in front of what looked like a military plane and was talking into a microphone hooked to the collar of his coat. The news banner at the bottom of the screen read, “RED LEADER SENDS WARNING TO PUBLIC.”

A million thoughts tried to swarm Edd’s head all at once, and at the same time, his mind was totally blank. He felt the anxiety physically rising in his body, and he knew exactly what was coming. He also knew there was no way to stop it. He had dealt with these anxiety attacks enough to know he just had to ride them out and hope they stop soon. His legs became wobbly and jello-like, and he sank down onto the floor with his back against the wall to prevent himself from collapsing. He pulled his knees into his chest and folded his head on top of them, rocking back and forth gently. It was now that he realized he was shaking terribly and tears were beginning to dot his eyes. He was trying to handle this like he did all of his other panic attacks, but this one was different, and he knew that. This one wasn’t caused by a nightmare or reliving what happened or thinking about the guilt he felt over everything. This one was because of Tord directly.

Tord was alive. Edd had never been sure of that, but he had always assumed he was—hoped he was. And now here was proof. It was equal parts terrifying and relieving. He hated both parts. He hated that he still cared about Tord. It only made the guilt and self-loathing worse. And now Tord appeared to be some military leader, who was possibly threatening the world—at least, judging by Edd’s knowledge of Tord’s desire for world domination and the title card of the news story. So this hadn’t just been Tord acting alone to achieve some dream. This was much bigger. Much, much bigger. And much more threatening.  
Edd was scared. And guilty. And heartbroken. This was all his fault. He should have never trusted Tord or fallen for him. He should have seen through him all along like Tom did.

_And I shouldn’t have let myself get attached to him. That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And it cost us our house and Jon’s life. And now maybe the world._

Tears were pouring down his face now. He was trying to control his sobs but was failing. Tom hadn’t even noticed any of this was occurring. He was fixated on the T.V., his whole body shaking with anger.

“I’m gonna kill that bastard,” he muttered through gritted teeth, his grip on the sofa back tightening.

“Guys, what’s going on…?” Matt had just arrived in the doorway, apparently hearing the commotion as well. He stopped dead upon seeing Edd.

Matt had never seen Edd broken up like this before. He was a much heavier sleeper than Tom, so whenever Edd had nightmares, he didn’t wake up. Edd usually kept himself put together during the day, and the smaller signs of his internal battle were not noticeable to Matt. Matt was aware that Edd blamed himself for everything that had happened with Tord, but he had never realized how deeply affected Edd was by it. He had just tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault and that he shouldn’t dwell on it too much.

He quickly recollected himself and darted over to Edd. He knelt down on the floor beside him, putting his right hand on Edd’s left shoulder.  
“Edd, what’s wrong? Edd?”

He got no response. Just sniffling and constricted attempts at drawing air. Matt looked over to the other figure in the room. Tom was just standing there, body rigid and tense and his fist curled around the couch back. Why was he just standing there, ignoring Edd? Had they been in a fight?

“Tom,” Matt started, simply trying to draw his friend’s attention. Tom didn’t move or answer. After waiting several seconds, Matt tried a bit more firmly: “Tom.”

Still nothing. Getting fed up, Matt yelled, “Tom, look at me!”

At this point, Matt guessed that Tom was in some sort of trance and not just ignoring him to be an asshole. Matt decided to give one last shot at pulling Tom back to the real world. Matt was not one for cursing or yelling at other people, but it was all he could think to do to get Tom back.

“Damn it, Tom, snap out of it! Edd needs our help, for fuck’s sake!”

Apparently, that was good enough. Tom’s body visibly relaxed and his hand finally released the couch. He took in a deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh. He then whirled around and headed straight towards Edd, completely ignoring Matt’s presence. Matt stood up and stepped back, nervous about Tom’s peculiar behavior and Edd’s sobbing. They were never like this. Something must be seriously—

And that’s when he looked at the television. There was Tord, standing front-and-center in front of the camera, a huge, smug grin on his damaged face. The news banner title frightened Matt; it sounded very ominous and threatening. He didn’t get any further information on what this “warning” was, though, as Tord simply said, “You’ve been warned,” and then the camera was cut. He’d have to look up the broadcast online later.

He looked back down to Edd and Tom. Tom had knelt down in front of Edd and was just staring at him. Then, after several seconds with only Edd’s crying to fill the silence, Tom leaned forward and pulled Edd into his arms, holding him tightly against his chest. Edd changed position, bringing his arms around Tom’s torso so that they were hugging, and he buried his face into Tom’s sweatshirt. Matt stood stock still, completely bewildered. Tom was never physically affectionate with his friends. It just wasn’t his nature. Matt and Edd hugged sometimes, but Tom had always remained more reserved.

There must be a lot that I don’t know about…. Matt concluded. He decided to ponder on this later and possibly talk to Tom about it. For now, though, he just looked on as Tom tried to calm Edd down, concerned for his friend’s well-being.

“It’s okay, Edd,” Tom whispered.

“H-he’s alive,” Edd hiccupped, voice muffled by Tom’s hoodie.

“Yeah,” Tom confirmed. “But he’s nowhere near us. We’re safe.”

“Why do I feel re-relieved that he’s alive?”

“Because he was your bo…” Tom quickly stammered to correct himself, remembering he was not supposed to know about that, “f-friend. Your best friend.”

Matt cocked an eyebrow at Tom’s slip up, but he said nothing. Edd, on the other hand, was still too upset to notice it. “But he betrayed us. All of us. I should hate him.”

“Emotions aren’t black and white, Edd.”

The pair fell silent for a moment before Edd spoke again.

“I put everyone at risk,” Edd mumbled, opting for a change in subject.

“You didn’t do anything, Edd,” Tom said.

“That’s the problem! I just let him waltz into our house and be all charming and I didn’t suspect a damn thing and now—“

“Edd, do you really think that moron is going to take over the world? He couldn’t even get his robot out of the house.”

“He’s got more manpower now. He was just on the news. He’s a real threat, Tom!”

Edd’s breathing became labored again. Tom put one of his hands on the back of Edd’s head and pressed him against himself tighter.

“It’s all going to be okay, Edd. Even if he is a threat, he won’t succeed. I’ll make sure of that. I’ll kill him myself before I let any harm come to anyone, especially you and Matt.”

Matt’s eyes widened. Since when was Tom so…chivalrous? Tom did hate Tord with every fiber in his body, but this softer, heroic Tom was odd to him nonetheless. But as Matt looked down at Edd, seeing the current state he was in, he figured that maybe Tom had to be this way, for his sake.

Edd was silent for a few moments, leaving his troubled breathing as the only sound in the room other than the television. Once his breathing had improved, he whispered, “You’re a good friend, Tom.”

Tom’s eye sockets widened at those words, remembering the time Tord had said that to him eight years ago. The parallelism in the conversations was striking.

“T-thanks, Edd,” Tom stuttered.

After a few minutes, Edd’s breathing returned to normal. He eventually raised his head and unraveled his arms from around Tom. He locked gazes with his friend and whispered, “Thank you.”

Tom gave a small smile in return and replied, “Anytime.”

Tom unwrapped his arms from Edd’s body so that Edd could stand up. Edd took his time getting up, still feeling slightly dizzy and nauseous. Tom stood up after him, watching him closely in case he was to fall over or stumble. Matt eyed them cautiously, unsure of how to react. Finally, he settled on the dumbest question he could think of:

“Uh, you okay, Edd?”

Edd looked at him and nodded, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks, Matt.”

“Um, yeah, sure…” Matt muttered, confused as to what he was being thanked for.

“Edd, why don’t you go lie down for a bit,” Tom prodded gently. “That was a pretty big episode.”

“Thanks, Tom, but I don’t think I’ll really be able to sleep after that.”

“Then you can stay here and rest on my couch. You need to decompress.”

Edd sighed, knowing there was no way out of it. “Alright, I’ll stay here. But—“

“We’ll talk about it later, Edd,” Tom interjected, already having read Edd’s mind.

“Okay.” And with that, Edd wandered over to Tom’s bathroom to go clean himself up.

“Thanks, Matt,” Tom said, suddenly turning to address Matt. “I really appreciate you grabbing me out of that.”

“Yeah, no problem. I just…I just didn’t know what to do for Edd on my own.”

“That’s fair. Panic attacks aren’t easy to handle.”

Matt glanced over at the closed bathroom door before lowering his voice to a whisper.

“How long has this sort of thing been going on?”

“Several months, since the Incident,” Tom whispered back, not in the least surprised that Matt was confused. Matt really hadn’t been involved in any of this up to this point.

“I didn’t realize he was this broken up about it.”

“He tries to hide it. He really blames himself for it all, though. And then there’s Tord…”

“What do you mean?”

Tom sighed, knowing Edd was probably listening in despite their extremely quiet voices. He figured Edd would guess Matt would want to know what’s going on, but he wasn’t sure Edd could handle him talking about Tord personally right now.

Matt was lost, but caught the tired tone of Tom’s sigh. He decided to shelve the conversation for now and try again later after they had all rested. And once Edd was gone.

“Alright,” he said, raising his voice back to normal speaking volume. “Well, I’ll let you two rest then. I’ll be round for dinner later.”

“Sounds good.”

“See you, Tom.”

“See you, Matt.”

And with that, Matt walked out the door, which had stood open throughout this entire series of events, and he closed it behind him. Tom turned back to look at the television. The news anchor was talking with a panel about the severity of threat that the Red Leader posed to society. Tom walked over to his coffee table, picked up the remote, and turned the T.V. off. He could look into this “Red Leader” stuff later. Right now, Edd was his priority.

Edd exited the bathroom and walked over to the sofa. Tom had set a blanket out on one end of the couch for him to use. Edd glanced around, seeing if Tom was actually nearby. He appeared to have disappeared somewhere into his room. Edd sat on the couch and pulled the blanket over his legs. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind as best he could.

Instead, a memory floated into his brain. That night, the night before it happened. Edd had been in this exact same position on his old couch when someone had walked up behind him and planted a kiss on his lips. Edd had opened his eyes half-way to see Tord standing above him, a loving grin on his face. Edd had returned the expression, happy to have his love back in his life.

Edd opened his eyes, refusing to let the memory go any further. A lot more happened that night, but he knew he would just break down again if he remembered the rest right now. He laid himself out across the couch, hoping that lying down might actually help him fall asleep. Eventually he did manage it, but not until after at least an hour of fighting off memories of him and Tord.


	4. The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything begins for Tord and Edd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, we're jumping back into the past with this one. This is before Tord left the first time. Also there's a bit of NSFW-ish stuff in this chapter, so you've been warned.

Things had been strange for a while now. No one really knew what had provoked it, but they had all noticed the changes to some capacity. One of them would blush and gulp upon seeing the other in the kitchen. One would overfill his water glass while watching the other fix a bowl of cereal. They would sit just a bit too close to each other during movie nights in the living room. Stumbling over words, tugging at their clothes, staring, letting their eyes drift over the other person’s body. They weren’t discreet, or at least, not as discreet as they thought they were. But luckily everyone in the house was oblivious to some degree.

Tom’s drinking habits and dislike of Tord kept him from spending too much time around them. Matt, on the other hand, had noticed the changes, but he hadn’t really put two-and-two together. Especially since he was spending less and less time in the house now, thanks to his new girlfriend. Edd and Tord…well, they’d both noticed the changes in themselves, but not in the other person. Perhaps they were both so absorbed in their own heads that they just became oblivious. Perhaps they were ignoring the signs to not get their hopes up. Who knows. All that is sure was that after a while, things would have to come to a head.

And of course, they did just that. This came in the form of watching a movie together in Edd’s room one Saturday night. Matt was out on a date and Tom was doing…who knows what. He had been relatively sober when Edd asked if he wanted to join them, but he had declined, saying he’d much rather spend the evening playing bass and drinking than watching a crappy B-rated horror movie with Tord. Edd had shrugged, not too surprised that Tom wanted to avoid Tord. Since Matt had been less present in the house, Tom tended to do more things on his own. Apparently he felt more comfortable around Tord if there were more people with them.

He also might have started noticing the quirks in Edd and Tord’s behaviors when they were around each other. And he wanted absolutely no part in that.

So Edd and Tord were left alone with their crappy horror film. It was one Tord had recommended to Edd. It was really cheesy and had terrible special effects, but it was supposedly pretty funny at times, plus the lead actress was hot. Edd had blushed when Tord said that, thinking to himself, _I could care less how she looks_.

The two plopped down into two spinning, wheeled office chairs in front of Edd’s computer. Tord had made a bowl of popcorn while Edd set the movie up. Tord turned the lights off when he returned and set the popcorn bowl on his left thigh so that Edd could easily access it.

At first everything was normal. For the first hour they watched the movie, laughing at the horror movie cliché moments, the bad dialogue, and the horrendous special effects. They were even worse than Edd had imagined they’d be. Part way through the film, Edd had scanned the DVD box to figure out what year the movie had been made in. His guess was in the seventies or eighties, but he was shocked to see it was only from 2003.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed.

“What?” Tord asked, confused and slightly annoyed that Edd had just interrupted the film. 

"This is only five years old!”

“Yep, sounds about right,” Tord muttered, shoving popcorn into his face.

“But the special effects look ancient!”

“They don’t call it a B-rated horror movie for nothing.”

Edd scoffed, rolling his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Tord smirk. And that’s when the feels hit.

 _Shit, he’s hot_ , Edd’s brain screamed. He wanted to face-palm. Why now? Everything had been going fine this past hour and now he was suddenly having thoughts about Tord?

Annoyed with himself and wanting a distraction, he reached for a handful of popcorn. Instead of burying his hand in popcorn, his hand landed on top of what felt like soft human flesh. Confused, Edd turned his head and looked in the bowl.

Shit.

Tord had gone for popcorn just before him, and before he could remove his hand from the bowl, Edd had landed his right on top of it. Edd blushed furiously, but the electronic light from his computer didn’t make it too noticeable. Tord was staring down at the situation as well, unsure of what to do. At the same moment, they raised their heads and looked each other in the eye. That was when it clicked.

They both realized in that instant that things were not normal. If they were, they both would have just removed their hands, apologized, and gone on without another thought. But they had just sat there. And indeed they were still sitting there. Neither one of them had tried to remove his hand from the bowl. And now they were staring at each other, as if to say to the other, “I know.” The air was filled with tension and apprehension. They couldn’t brush this off anymore: even if neither of them made a move and just dropped the matter, that wouldn’t change the fact that they knew how each other felt.

Tord was too scared to move. He knew exactly what he wanted to happen, but he also knew this couldn’t last. He was going to have to leave eventually. He was going to have to turn his back on Edd and the others at some point. Everything would just be so much worse if he let himself fall into this.

Edd, too, was frightened. What if he was wrong? It was pretty obvious by now that Tord felt this, too, otherwise they wouldn’t be in this position. But doubt still stabbed at Edd’s mind. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Tord on the off-chance he was wrong. They’d been friends for years now and had gotten really close. Not to mention they lived together, and having that awkward tension between them forever would be awful.

But Edd also knew how he felt. And finally he got fed up with his brain, so he let the adrenaline and his heart take over. He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Tord’s left check. He leaned back quickly, scared of Tord’s reaction. He removed his hand from the popcorn bowl and swiveled around so that he was facing the computer screen again, his eyes fixated on his lap. _Shit, what have I done?_

Tord was surprised. He honestly never thought Edd would be so bold. He knew he should tell Edd then to drop it, that this could never work and would only hurt them both in the end. But Tord’s brain was not in control at the moment. He, like Edd, was running off of adrenaline and his heart. There was no turning back now.

He removed the popcorn bowl from his thigh and set it on the desk. He then grabbed the arm of Edd’s chair and swung it so that Edd was facing him again. Edd was surprised by the motion and looked up at Tord, nervous and confused. Tord placed his right hand on Edd’s check, leaned in, and kissed him.

Edd was stunned. This was not the reaction he had been expecting at all. Come to think of it, he wasn’t sure what he had expected. Whatever it was, though, it wasn’t this. Edd’s eyes sat open wide for a brief second, trying to process what was happening. But as Tord’s soft lips moved gently against his own, his eyes drifted shut and he got lost in the moment. He kissed Tord back, showing his approval of Tord’s decision. He could almost feel a grin tug at Tord’s lips. Tord leaned in further, placing more pressure on Edd’s lips and on the hand on Edd’s face. Edd, too, moved in closer, attempting to deepen the kiss. He lightly wrapped his right hand around Tord’s neck, wanting nothing more than for Tord to be closer.

Tord took the development as a go-ahead to push things further. He scooched onto the edge of his chair, touching knees with Edd. He placed his free hand on Edd’s right thigh and leaned in closer. Edd slid his hand upward slightly and tangled his fingers into Tord’s incredibly soft hair. Their lips started parting more and more, until eventually their kisses were open-mouthed. Tord decided to be daring as he slid his tongue into Edd’s mouth, surprising Edd once again. A soft noise escaped Edd’s throat, and he blushed when he realized it had slipped out. He felt Tord smirk against his lips, pleased with himself from getting such a noise from Edd.

Edd pulled back just enough so that their lips separated and he muttered in annoyance, “Shut up.”

Tord chuckled haughtily, the smirk still on his face. He then flashed Edd a seductive look and said challengingly, “Make me.”

It was now Edd’s turn to smirk. Oh, so it’s a game now, eh? Edd was more than willing to take Tord on, and he quickly moved forward and crashed his lips against Tord’s. Tord chuckled a little, amused by Edd’s ambition.

“Someone’s excited,” he mumbled against Edd’s lips.

Instead of trying to retort, Edd decided to make Tord eat his words. He slipped his tongue inside Tord’s mouth, and at the same time, he slid the hand in Tord’s hair further up his head until he reached the top. He wrapped his hand around a good tuft of hair and yanked. A small moan escaped Tord’s lips. Edd chuckled this time, pleased at achieving his goal. Tord pulled back and glared at Edd, a look of annoyance on his face.

“Fuck you,” he grumbled.

Edd cocked an eyebrow at him, trying to make him see the irony of his words. When it clicked in his brain, Tord groaned loudly in frustration. He placed both of his hands on Edd’s shoulders and pushed, forcing Edd back against the back of his chair. He then climbed onto Edd’s lap, struggling to find a place to put his legs. Edd scooched forward and wrapped his arms around Tord’s waist, trying to keep him from falling off. It took Tord several moments to get his legs securely wrapped around Edd’s torso, thanks to the awkward arms of the chair. Once they were situated, the two men looked each other in the eyes.

Edd knew they needed to talk, but this was clearly not the time. The gleam in Tord’s eyes and the bulge in his pants suggested other matters were of more importance right now. Edd was eager to sort things out, but he could feel his own bulge growing, creating a nice little internal battle between his brain and his pants.

Meanwhile, Tord had wrapped his arms around Edd’s back and had started lightly drawing his nails up and down Edd’s spine. Edd shuttered every time he did it, making his pants only grow tighter and more constricting. Tord smashed his lips against Edd’s, waiting almost no time at all to add his tongue into the equation. Edd began moaning lightly with every scrape of Tord’s nails, and he slid his hands under Tord’s shirt and tightly held onto his waist. He eventually dug his nails into Tord’s skin, causing Tord to let out a breathy moan.

Tord once again decided to progress things. He broke away from Edd’s lips and stopped scrapping up and down his back, much to Edd’s disappointment. He bent his head down to look at Edd’s neck. He quickly moved aside the collar of Edd’s hoodie, giving him easier access to the skin. He then leaned in and gently nipped at Edd’s neck.

Edd’s breath hitched in his throat, surprised by this new development. And by how much he enjoyed it. He had never understood the appeal of having someone bite your neck—it seemed more painful than sexy to him. But now he was realizing you can’t knock it ‘till you try it. Each time Tord bit down he let out another soft moan. And as Tord bit harder and held onto the skin longer, the louder and deeper the moans became. Tord eventually moved on to other places on his neck, seeking a bit of diversity in the skin he bit. One place in particular caused Edd to cry out, “Fuck!” and dig his nails sharply into Tord’s flesh. Tord gasped a little at the feeling, and he even winced a bit against Edd’s skin. But neither of them paid it much mind. Edd’s mind was in a completely different world, and Tord’s was fairly foggy at this point.

Tord wanted to move further down Edd’s body, to leave bite marks all down his torso. He leaned back and grabbed at the hem of Edd’s hoodie. Before going further, he looked up at Edd, searching for any signs of this not being okay. Edd just stared at him, a glint in his eye that suggested he was waiting for more and that he wanted it. Tord slowly began moving the hoodie fabric up Edd’s torso. He kept his eyes locked with Edd’s, waiting for any sign of discomfort or rejection. The desire only seemed to grow in Edd’s eyes as he continued, though, so when he reached Edd’s chest, he broke his gaze away and focused on what he was doing. Edd slid his arms back and held them over his head, allowing Tord to more easily remove the jacket. Tord tossed the hoodie onto the floor—he’d been aiming for the bed, but had missed by a long shot. Edd kept his arms up, expecting Tord to remove his shirt, too. Tord once again aimed for the bed with the shirt, but it ended up landing on top of the hoodie.

Tord admired Edd’s torso for several seconds before returning to his work. He had soft, smooth skin, with some light chest hair. He didn’t have gorgeous abs or a sculpted chest or great biceps, but Tord couldn’t care less. Edd was beautiful without all of that—hell, he was hot and sexy without all of it, if the throbbing bulge in Tord’s pants was enough to go by. He dove back down and starting nipping at Edd’s collarbone, eliciting the same moans as before. Edd wrapped one of his arms around Tord’s waist and tangled the other one in his hair. He pulled gruffly on the hair, prompting another moan to exit Tord’s throat. Tord started biting hard again, desperate to make Edd moan and curse more. Eventually, he found the perfect harshness with which to bite that would get Edd to curse, and he kept it up across Edd’s entire collarbone. Each time Tord bit, Edd yanked at his hair, causing him to moan at the same time Edd cursed.

At one point, Edd yanked in such a way that made Tord release his grip on Edd’s skin and mutter “holy shit” against Edd’s chest. Edd smirked as Tord rested against him, panting as if he had just run a mile. After several seconds, Tord grinned and planted a light kiss on Edd’s chest. Edd’s smirk fell into a happy grin, and he wrapped the arm he had around Tord’s back tighter, pressing him closer. They sat this way for a few moments, and then Edd finally spoke up:

“You okay, Tord?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Tord’s voice sounded calm and relaxed, as if he were getting ready to fall asleep.

“You tired?”

“Eh, not really…just really comfortable right now.”

They fell quiet again. Edd ran his fingernails gently up and down Tord’s back, prompting Tord to release a content sigh. Several minutes had passed when suddenly Tord bit down hard on Edd’s collarbone. Edd gasped, surprised by the move. Tord released his skin and raised himself up so that he was hovering slightly over Edd.

“Are you okay, Edd?” Tord asked in a concerned tone.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting that….”

“I’m sorry, I just thought…”

“No, it’s okay, I…”

They both fell silent, feeling awkward and unsure of how to progress.

“Eh, do you want to keep going?” Tord inquired, finally breaking the silence.

“Yes…no, I don’t know.” Edd ran his hands over his face and sighed, annoyed with himself for being so indecisive.

“We can stop if you want. We don’t have to keep going.”

“I know. I want to keep going. Or, part of me does. But…aren’t we moving kind of fast?”

“That’s all relative. But I see your point.”

Tord unwrapped his legs from around Edd and carefully slid himself backwards back onto his own chair. He tried his best to ignore the painful lump between his legs.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin it,” Edd said, blushing furiously and scratching at the back of his head nervously. He averted his eyes from Tord, opting to stare at the ground instead.

“Hey, no. You didn’t ruin anything,” Tord said reassuringly. “I’m glad you told me you weren’t ready. And you’re right, this is all kinda fast.”

“I didn’t even know you liked me before now.”

“I didn’t know you liked me either.”

“How long have you, uh…?”

“It’s been awhile. It kind of just grew over time. But I really noticed it the last month or so.”

“Yeah, same here.”

They fell into silence, neither one of them knowing quite what to say next. Several seconds later, Edd said in a quiet voice:

“ _Zombie Pirates from Hell III_. You fell asleep on my shoulder when we rewatched it recently.”

Tord smiled softly. “Heh, yeah. You smelled really nice that night. You had just showered and used that really great shampoo…”

Edd laughed. “You like it? I was kind of doubtful of it at first. It’s one of those cheapo generic brands from the drug store.”

“Damn, you could have fooled me. That shit smells high-quality.”

Both of them laughed, amazed at the turn the conversation took. Tord spoke up:

“Super Smash Bro’s. That time we played all night. You were so competitive and so invested, even at four am. I had to force myself not to just smile at you the whole time.”

Edd blushed. “Wow, I didn’t even notice.”

Tord cocked an eyebrow, giving him a sarcastic “what-a-surprise” look. Edd shoved his arm lightly and grumbled, “Oh, shut up.”

Tord laughed, thinking back to when he used the phrase earlier. “You know, you’re pretty damn sexy.”

Edd awkwardly scratched his head again, unsure of how to respond. “Er, thanks, you’re…you’re really sexy, too.”

Tord couldn’t help but chuckle at Edd’s awkwardness. “Well, I’m going to go take a cold shower and get rid of…this, uh, problem,” he said with a quick glance down to his crotch.

“Oh, uh, right…” Edd mumbled, trying to ignore what remained of the bulge in his own pants.

Tord stood up to leave, glancing at the computer screen as he got up. “Wow, the movie was going the whole time…”

Edd looked at it, too. “Oh yeah. I completely forgot about it.”

“How could you not, with such a handsome man on top of you?”

“Alright, you can leave now.”

Tord chuckled and made his way to the door. Before he opened it, Edd called out, “Hey, um, if you want, you can come back afterwards. Maybe we could cuddle or something?”

Tord smiled, pleased with the invitation. “Sure, I’d love to.”

And so, ten minutes later, Tord returned with wet hair and wore a white tee-shirt and plaid boxers. Edd had turned off the movie and moved his clothes off the floor, but the lights were still off. Tord walked over to Edd’s chair, expecting him to still be sitting there.

“Over here,” a voice whispered in the darkness. Tord turned around and saw the shape of a body sitting up in Edd’s bed. He smiled and sat down on the bed next to Edd, wiggling under the covers.

Even in the darkness, Tord could see Edd’s smile, and Edd leaned forward and kissed him gently. Tord returned the kiss, happy butterflies swimming in his stomach. He then slid down so that he was laying mostly horizontal on the bed. Edd laid down on his right side and rested his head lightly on Tord’s chest. Tord wrapped his left arm around Edd’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. They both grinned like idiots as they soaked up each other’s body heat. Edd closed his eyes and felt sleep start to take over, as he was exhausted from everything that occurred earlier. Tord laid his head back against the pillows in thought. This was not what he had wanted to do. He shouldn’t be letting himself get attached. But he couldn’t help it. He just liked Edd so much, and once Edd proved he liked him back, he just couldn’t stop.

He knew this would come back to bite him some day. And it did. Many times, actually. He would never be free of the pain this love would cause him. But that was all in the far future. For now, Tord was content to put his thoughts aside and just cuddle with the man he had fallen for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who has read and/or left Kudos/comments. It really means a lot to me! <3 See you all Friday!


	5. We Need to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd and Tord talk about what they are and where this is all going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are actually in chronological order for once :P This is what happens after Edd and Tord's little movie night last chapter.

Having serious conversations had never been Edd’s strong point. He was just too awkward to handle them, and he’d get ridiculously flustered and nervous whenever he had to have them. Which is why he and Tord still hadn’t had an official conversation yet about…well, whatever they were.

It’d been about a month since that fateful movie night. Things had been somewhat awkward, with both of them blushing every time they saw the other and stumbling over their words when they tried to talk to each other. They spent most of their time with Matt and Tom, though, so they didn’t have a chance to talk alone. Then one weekend rolled around, and they were left to their own devices for the first time in a month. Matt had another date and would likely be gone most of the evening, if he came back at all. Tom, on the other hand, had been picking up more and more on Edd and Tord’s feelings for each other, and he was eager to keep his distance and not be left alone with them.

“Aw, come on, Tom, you bailed on us last time,” Edd whined. It was Friday night, and Edd was sitting on the couch in the living room. He had just booted up Super Smash Bros and was looking forward to playing against Tom and Tord. It’d been a while since all three of them had played, considering that Tom wasn’t as interested in the game as Edd and Tord were.

“Sorry, Edd, but I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“So, what, are you just going to go to your room and get drunk?”

“That’s the plan.”

Edd cocked an eyebrow at him. “Tom, you’ve been drinking a lot lately. Maybe you should take a break tonight….”

“Edd, you can’t convince me to hang out with Tord tonight.”

“No, Tom, this isn’t about the game. I’m seriously worried about your health at this point.”

Tom placed a hand on Edd’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “It’s okay, Edd. I know what I’m doing. I’ll be fine.”

Edd was skeptical, but he also knew better than to mother Tom. “Alright, just…be careful.”

“I will be,” Tom called out behind him as he headed down the hall to his room.

“Next weekend, though, you’re mine!” Edd yelled after him. An annoyed look crossed his face when he heard Tom scoff at the comment.

“Whoa, now you’re seeing Tom, too?” a voice from behind the couch asked playfully.

Edd blushed and whirled around to see Tord standing about a foot away, a mischievous grin on his face. Edd didn’t know how to respond, but luckily his brain was clever enough to find a way around it.

“Since when are you flirty? Are you drunk?”

“Nah, just a bit tipsy.” Tord swayed lightly from side-to-side to prove his point.

“And since when do you drink?”

“Eh, I like a good drink every once and a while.” Tord glanced up at the television screen, and a big smile covered his face when he saw what game was set up. “Super Smash Bros? Alright!”

He dashed over to the couch as quickly as he could without falling over and flopped down right next to Edd. Edd was a little uncomfortable with just how close Tord was; Tord had positioned himself so that their thighs were touching. Usually Edd wouldn’t have minded, but with how awkward things had been lately between them and due to the lack of actually talking over what happened last time they were alone, Edd was feeling less sure. Nevertheless, he followed Tord’s lead in reaching for a controller on the coffee table. He positioned himself so that he was ready to fight. Maybe if he just focused on the game, the awkwardness would fizzle out.

And that’s exactly what happened. Once they started the match, Edd became completely absorbed by the game. His competitiveness erased the tension he had been feeling between him and Tord, and he started interacting with him just like old times. Tord, as usual, was not as invested in the game as Edd. He was always able to keep himself somewhat removed from video games, unlike Edd, who totally threw himself into them and would lose himself for hours at a time. The entire game, Tord kept glancing over at Edd, grinning every time he saw his face. He loved how seriously Edd took this game, and any other game, for that matter. The look of determination, his screams of anger or victory, the cursing when things went wrong—it all made Tord fall for Edd more and more.

Plus, the alcohol in his system was definitely making him horny, which only made it harder for him to tear his eyes off the man next to him.

They played for several hours like this. Then, around midnight, Edd leaned back against the couch and wiped several beads of sweat off of his brow.

“Whew, what a match. I need a drink after that.”

Edd stood up and headed to the kitchen. He stopped when he got to the doorway, turning around and asking, “Do you want anything?”

“No, I’m good!” Tord called from the couch, not even bothering to turn and face Edd.

Edd shrugged and continued to the fridge. As he closed the door after grabbing a cola, he looked up at the clock on the wall.

"Holy shit…” he muttered to himself.

“What?” Tord yelled from the living room.

“It’s midnight. We’ve been playing for four hours.” Edd sat back down on the couch and opened his cola.

“Eh, I can believe it. We have played all night before.”

“That’s true…” Edd mumbled. “Man, what a night that was. Good times….” He yawned, a wave of sleepiness washing over him. “Doubt I can do that again tonight, though. I’m already tired.”

“Oh come on, four hours is nothing for you,” Tord said with a smirk.

Edd blushed, remembering the last time he saw that smirk. He scratched the back of his head and gazed at his lap, opening and closing his mouth several times before responding.

“Heh, yeah, I’m usually way better at this.” He raised his head to look up at Tord, only to find that same damn smirk on his face.

_Why does he have to be doing this now? He knows I find this attractive…_

Suddenly, Tord wrapped his right arm around Edd’s shoulders, leaned in, and planted a soft kiss on Edd’s lips. Edd’s blush deepened significantly, but this time he couldn’t hide it in the darkness of his room. Tord leaned back a bit to observe his facial expression, smirk still in tact. Edd leaned back a bit, forcing Tord’s arm to release his shoulders. He turned his body towards the television and stared at the carpet, too nervous to make eye contact.

“Uh, Tord…we never really talked about…what we are…”

Tord’s smirk fell and he sighed. He knew Edd had been wanting to talk, but he had been trying to avoid it as best he could. He cared about Edd greatly and was really falling for him. But he also knew that he’d have to leave in a few months once he completed his robot, and he had no idea how long he might be away. Regardless, he would have to turn his back on Edd and the others in the end. It was already going to wreck him, and it would only be made so much worse if he and Edd were together. Plus, it would break Edd’s heart enough to betray his friendship, but his love…that would be a whole other type of heartbreak. He was dreading the idea of hurting Edd as things were, so much so that he had already considered scrapping his plans entirely and just staying here forever with Edd and the others. He had worked so and for so long, though: how could he throw away his dream after all these years? Besides, he and Edd might just end up being a fling, and it could just fizzle out after a month or two.

Except that was a blatant lie. Tord had been falling for Edd for a long time now, and it was way beyond the point of mindless crush or simple lust. He was in too deep already, both in this and his master plan. He was trying to put off talking to Edd about everything for as long as possible, but he knew he couldn’t just make-out with Edd forever without saying something.

“Oh, right, yeah…” Tord muttered, pretending like he hadn’t been trying to avoid this conversation.

“Are we…dating?”

“Well, uh, we never…um…”

“I mean, we both like each other. There’s, um, obviously interest from both of us here. So why shouldn’t we?” “

How do you think the others might feel?” Tord asked, trying to find any way out of this that he could.

“I doubt they’d care much. Matt certainly wouldn’t, at least. Tom might be a little ticked off, but I think he’d be fine eventually.”

_Shit…I mean, he’s right, but damn it…._

“Right, that makes sense. Um…”

“Tord, are you okay?”

“What?”

“Well, it’s just…you seemed so eager a few weeks ago. And you still seem interested physically, but you’re avoiding my question.” Edd turned back towards Tord, catching his gaze as he brought his left leg up to rest on the couch in between them.

Tord gulped, unsure of how to phrase this without letting Edd know the real situation. Finally, after several seconds of silence, Tord sighed and spoke:

“Edd, look, I really like you. A lot. More than just physically. But I…I just can’t be in a relationship right now.”

Edd was relieved to hear his feelings, especially that they were more than just physical attraction, but that last sentence concerned him.

“Why not?” he asked, his heart starting to hurt a bit.

“I just can’t. I’ve got some…family stuff going on at the moment, and I just don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to get into a serious relationship with all of that.”

“Oh,” Edd said disappointedly, his voice almost a whisper. He turned away again and stared at his lap.

"I-I might have to go home soon. Back to Norway.”

“Oh.” Edd’s voice was hardly audible this time.

“I’m so sorry, Edd.” And he was. Though the excuse may be a lie, he truly regretted having to turn Edd down and having to hurt him like this.

Several seconds passed in silence before Edd responded, his voice still a whisper, “It’s not your fault. Stuff happens. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

Edd stood up, trying to blink away the tears from his eyes. “I’m, uh, pretty tired. I think I’m going to head to bed for the night.”

“Edd, please stay,” Tord said, desperation tinting his tone. He scooched onto the edge of the couch, wanting to grab Edd’s arm to keep him from leaving.

“Sorry, I’m just really tired…”

“Edd, this is why I didn’t want to talk. This is why I’ve been avoiding things. Because I knew I would hurt you, and that’s—“ Tord bit his lip, internally cringing at his next words—“something I never want to do to you.”

Edd tried to discreetly wipe tears from his eyes, but Tord noticed. His heart ached at the sight of Edd being this upset. He wanted to wrap him in his arms and hold him until he smiled again.

“I still care about you. I still want to have something with you. I just don’t think I can do a committed relationship at the moment.”

Edd turned around partially, catching Tord’s gaze from the corner of his eye. “Then what can we do? Because…I want to be with you, too. But I also don’t just want to be your…fuck buddy or something.”

A small smile crossed Tord’s face. A glimmer of hope. “No, I don’t want that either. Maybe we can just roll with things? Not try and put a label on it or anything.”

“So, we’d be dating but wouldn’t call it that?” Edd asked, turning around completely now.

“Well, uh, not quite. We wouldn’t have to worry about devoting time to each other or going on dates or whatever.”

“So it’d be less commitment?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Tord knew this was even worse of an idea than dating. It definitely sounded like he wanted to be friends-with-benefits, and it probably would do nothing to stop his heart from breaking when he left. He was sure Edd would turn him down on this, say they should just date or be nothing.

But Edd always has a way of surprising him.

“I’d be happy to try that,” Edd said. Tord’s smile grew and he felt a swelling of joy in his chest. It had worked. Edd and him were going to be together.

“Yeah…that sounds good.” A grin struck Edd’s face, which only made Tord even happier.

Edd plopped back down on the couch next to Tord, and he flung his arms around him and pulled him in close. Though Tord was not usually one for hugs, he gladly accepted this one. He wrapped his arms around Edd in return and buried his face in his neck. After staying like this for several minutes, Tord gently kissed Edd’s neck, causing a smile to appear on Edd’s face. Edd pulled back, breaking the embrace so that he could look at his partner’s face. He cupped Tord’s cheek in his right hand. His brain was going a million miles per hour right now with thoughts. He couldn’t believe Tord liked him. He couldn’t believe he was willing to try and make things work. He couldn’t believe they were, in some way, together. How did he get so lucky?

Tord waited expectantly for a kiss, as Edd’s current position suggested would be coming. But Edd was so caught up in his thoughts that he never got around to that part. Tord realized that he had spaced out, so he decided to finish the job for him. He chuckled softly before leaning in and capturing Edd’s lips. Edd closed his eyes, beyond content with how things were panning out. He moved his hand from Tord’s face to the back of his neck. They kissed for several moments before separating, pulling back and staring into each others’ eyes. “Want to go to your room to cuddle?” Tord asked, starting to feel a bit tired now. “Sure, sounds good,” Edd replied contently. They both stood up from the couch. Tord headed for Edd’s bedroom while Edd switched off the game and turned the T.V. and lights off. He smiled idiotically to himself the whole time, excited to finally be with Tord after so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so my summer job (which is a 24/7 job) starts this Sunday, so I have limited time for editing and posting. All of the chapters are written, I just need to do final edits for them. I'm not sure what the update schedule is going to be from now on, but I'll probably be updating two times a week, if not more? But I will definitely be doing at least once a week. Sorry for the weird scheduling stuff :/
> 
> Thanks again for reading and leaving kudos/comments. Y'all are amazing <3


	6. Just You See...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd and Tord have a night alone, and Tord and Tom have a serious talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter is straight-up NSFW. Not even gonna lie. But there's also plot development in the end, so even if you don't want to read the smut, you should still read the stuff after that. Thanks y'al!

“Wow, this movie sucks,” Edd grumbled as he shoved a handful of popcorn into his face.

Edd and Tord had taken the evening for themselves. Usually during the week, they hung out with Matt and Tom, but today they’d both been feeling kind of off. They both wanted to spend some time together, just the two of them. Matt had been disappointed when they said that they didn’t feel like doing anything tonight, but he decided to go over to his girlfriend’s place instead. Tom had grimaced when Edd said he wasn’t up for doing anything tonight, because he knew exactly what that was code for. _Tord and I want to hang out alone._ Tom knew this was also likely code for something else, but he was trying to avoid thinking about it.

“Yeah, alright, whatever,” he’d said, quickly scampering off to his room to start blasting Ska music. He refused to hear any noises coming from the rest of the house.

_What’s his problem?_ Edd thought to himself. But he just shrugged it off, blind to the fact that Tom knew what was going on between him and Tord. He was just happy he and Matt hadn’t been difficult to convince.

Tord and him had decided against telling the others just yet about their relationship. Since they weren’t officially together, they didn’t want to deal with the hassle of explaining the nature of things to their friends. Also, they both wanted to avoid Tom’s reaction to the news. And Tord didn’t want to tell the others yet about his “potential” plans of leaving, which had only gotten set in stone since he had told Edd initially. It would likely have to be sometime in September, judging by the progress he’d been making lately on the robot. Originally, he thought he’d be out by mid to late summer, but development had slowed thanks to all the nights Tord spent cuddling with Edd and sleeping in his bed. Late at night was really the only safe time Tord had to work on the device, but he couldn’t wiggle his way out of bed and sneak off when he and Edd were together.

“Yeah, it really sucks. Not even in a funny way,” Tord said in annoyance, rolling his eyes as another young blond woman got caught by the murderer. “Fuck Tom for suggesting this movie.”

Edd laughed. Tom had probably done it because he knew it was terrible and would piss Tord off if he watched it. “Somehow I’m not surprised this happened.”

Tord scooched down in his chair, sitting so low that his back almost touched the seat of the chair. “Yeah, neither am I. But still, fuck him.”

“Can’t you two try to get along for just one day?”

“Nope.”

Edd groaned. “You two are such children.”

Tord smirked. He turned his head and looked up at Edd, who was staring right back at him. Usually they were remotely interested in the movie they were watching, but tonight neither one of them could keep their attention off of the other. Tord recognized the look in Edd’s eye, and he decided to act before Edd even realized it was there. He sat up again and rolled his chair closer to Edd’s, letting their knees touch. Edd grinned, knowing exactly what Tord was doing. He was grateful Tord was initiating, as he always felt a bit too uncomfortable to do so himself.

Tord leaned forward and planted a kiss on Edd’s lips. The kiss was much less soft and gentle than usual, surprising Edd slightly. Nevertheless, his eyes closed immediately, and he returned the kiss without question. After all, they both had been eyeing each other all day, wanting nothing more than a chance to get away from the others and be alone. Tord wasted little time sliding his tongue into Edd’s mouth, which Edd gladly accepted. Tord ran his right hand through Edd’s hair, loving the feeling of the soft brown strands running through his fingers. After several moments like this, Tord decided to try something new. He bit down lightly on Edd’s bottom lip, causing Edd to gasp slightly. Tord pulled back and looked Edd in the eyes, trying to read his reaction. Edd had been a bit surprised, but he’d also really liked it. He flashed Tord a seductive look, giving him the good-ahead to continue. Tord returned the look, then grabbed Edd’s hoodie with both of his hands and yanked Edd forward.

Caught off guard, Edd fell forward, but he caught himself before he fell off his chair completely. He decided it would be easier for both of them if they minimized the distance, so he ditched his chair and sat sideways on Tord’s lap, letting his legs dangle off the edge of the chair. Tord was pleased with the development, and he wrapped his arms around Edd’s waist to keep him from falling backwards. Edd grabbed Tord’s hoodie in his hands and pulled him forward into a passionate kiss. Tord slipped his hands underneath Edd’s hoodie and shirt, feeling the warmth of Edd’s body. Edd slid one of his hands to the back of Tord’s neck, while the other one ran up into Tord’s hair.

For several seconds he just played with the hair, until he remembered the lovely reaction he had elicited the last time he had yanked on it. Eager to get that again, he pulled gruffly on a patch of hair at the top of Tord’s hair, causing a throaty moan to escape Tord’s throat. Instead of arguing like last time, Tord began sliding his nails up and down Edd’s spine, knowing he’d get a great reaction from that. Edd shuttered and had trouble catching his breath, enjoying the sensation. He pulled on Tord’s hair again, and Tord dug his nails painfully into Edd’s back as he moaned.

Now Tord was eager to get back into a position of dominance. It was a little early for him to be losing so much control. He moved one of his hands to Edd’s thigh, placing it up much higher than he had done the last time. His other hand continued to drag its nails up and down Edd’s back, except now the nails were digging into his skin more harshly than before. Edd moaned softly, having missed this sensation. He wanted to make Tord curse the way he had the first time, when he had pulled at his hair in just the right way. He adjusted his grip several times, yanking each time to see if he had found the right position. The first few times, Tord just moaned in his usual way; finally, though, Edd found just the right way to do it. Tord fell back against the back of his chair as he muttered, “Fuck.” His eyes were closed, and the nails of both of his hands were digging into Edd’s skin, causing him to wince lightly. After laying there for several seconds, Tord opened his eyes halfway and looked up at Edd.

“Damn, Edd, you really know how to turn me on,” he muttered quietly.

Edd smirked, looking down at him. “Oh, you weren’t turned on before?” he asked slyly.

Tord gave him a half-hearted glare and grumbled, “Oh, shut the fuck up.”

Edd decided to push the envelope, enjoying these little spats with Tord. They riled Tord up and got Edd going even more than he already was. “You looked pretty into it before…”

Tord groaned in annoyance. He took his hand off Edd’s thigh and grabbed a fistful of his green hoodie, dragging him down so that their noses touched. Edd fell forward slightly, off balance thanks to Tord’s pull, and Edd’s shoulder collided with Tord’s chest. “I’ll show you turned on,” he said, a dark look on his face and a challenge in his tone.

He reached down and grabbed the hem of Edd’s hoodie, purposefully aiming a bit low and hitting the bulge in Edd’s pants. Edd closed his eyes as a wave of pleasure hit him. He desperately wanted more, but he could tell Tord was going to go more slowly—he wanted Edd to suffer a little bit now. Nonetheless, Edd raised his hands up so that Tord could pull of his sweatshirt and tee-shirt. Edd decided he wanted to do the same to Tord, so he reached for the hem of Tord’s hoodie. Tord seemed indifferent to the action, and he casually lifted his arms up and let Edd pull the garment off. Edd was surprised to find no shirt underneath it.

“No shirt?” he asked him inquisitively.

“It was one of those days,” Tord said, shrugging a bit. Edd nodded, knowing what he meant. Some days you’re just tired and lazy and can’t be bothered to put more layers on.

Edd leaned back a bit and examined Tord’s chest, just as Tord had done to him last time. Unlike Edd, Tord actually made an effort to work out several times a week, and over time he had gotten some decent abs and biceps. Edd gently drew his hand down Tord’s chest, feeling the smooth skin and abs. Tord stared up at Edd with a blank look, not sure where Edd was going to take this. When Edd reached his stomach, he stopped and locked eyes with Tord.

“This is a weird position,” Edd said, realizing how awkwardly they were situated.

“Yeah, a little bit. Sure keeps me from doing everything I want.”

Edd shook his head and rolled his eyes. “The bed?”

“No, the floor,” Tord replied sarcastically. Edd raised his hand to smack Tord’s head lightly, but Tord intercepted it, seeing what Edd intended. He grabbed Edd’s hand and pulled him towards his chest, kissing him roughly. Edd pulled back with a smile and took hold of Tord’s hand.

“Come on, you dork.”

Edd climbed off of Tord and headed towards the bed, dragging Tord along behind him. Edd flung himself backwards onto the bed, releasing Tord’s hand. Tord fell face-down beside Edd, his body strewn out like a corpse’s.

“You tired?”

Tord turned his face towards Edd so that he could hear him. “No, I’m just extremely turned on and want to get back to it.”

“Well, then, have at it.” Edd rolled onto his left side and gave Tord a look, baiting him to act.

Tord sat up, then pounced on top of Edd, pressing him down into the bed.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he said haughtily as he hovered over Edd.

He dove his head down and tightly clamped onto Edd’s neck. Edd let out a loud moan, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Tord moved around Edd’s neck, sampling different sections of skin. He began placing a light kiss on every bitten place after he released it. Edd wrapped his arms around Tord’s back, digging his nails into Tord’s skin with every bite. When Tord moved down to his collarbone, Edd started cursing quietly to himself. Tord loved Edd’s cursing, and he desperately wanted Edd to be louder. He bit down particularly hard on one part, making Edd yell, “Fuck!” Tord smirked to himself, figuring that had been loud enough for Tom to hear even through his blaring Ska music.

“Holy shit, Tord,” Edd mumbled, though his voice sounded more tired than turned on. Tord looked down at him, caught off guard by the change in tone. That was when he saw that the bite mark was bleeding slightly.

“Holy shit! Fuck, Edd, I’m so sorry!” Tord jumped off the bed and ran to Edd’s desk. He grabbed several tissues from the tissue box and flew back to the bed. He sat on top of Edd’s stomach and pressed the tissues gently onto the bleeding spot. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know I was biting that hard!”

Edd chuckled lightly, still in that tired tone. He grabbed Tord’s hands and gently drug him downward so that he was laying on top of him. Edd placed a gentle kiss on Tord’s forehead and ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, it’s no big deal.”

Tord laid his head on Edd’s chest. “I made you fucking bleed!” he exclaimed exasperatedly. He couldn’t believe he’d actually done that.

“You just really like it when I curse, apparently,” Edd said, a small grin spreading over his face. The grin crossed Tord’s face, too, and he placed a kiss on Edd’s chest.

“Yeah, I do.” He lifted his head up to look Edd in the eyes. “It’s really fucking sexy.”

“Can I give it a shot?” Edd asked, a seductive look crossing his features.

“Be my guest.”

Tord rolled off of Edd, laying next to him. Edd sat up and climbed on top of Tord, enjoying the view of Tord strewn out beneath him, shirtless. He leaned down and gently gripped a piece of Tord’s neck between his teeth. Tord’s breath hitched momentarily, and his eyes drifted closed in happiness. Edd moved up and down Tord’s neck, leaving light bite marks over the skin. He slowly started biting harder. Each time he increased his intensity, Tord moaned louder and shifted his head position to allow Edd easier access to his neck. At one point Edd bit down on a large section of skin extra tightly, causing Tord to arch his back and call out Edd’s name. Edd was very pleased with this development, while Tord seemed embarrassed. He groaned lightly and ran his hands over his face, trying to hide the large blush spreading over his cheeks. Edd chuckled, amused by his reaction. Tord removed his hands from his face, a devious look in his eyes. He folded his left leg upwards, causing it to bump against the bulge in Edd’s pants. Edd bit his lip as he shut his eyes and muttered a strained “fuck.”

Tord unfolded his leg, pleased by the reaction he had gotten. He had intended to just do it once to prove a point to Edd, that he was still in control. But instead of Edd returning to biting, he just sat there, eyes closed tight and his teeth biting into his lower lip.

“Do that again,” he whispered, sounding far away.

Tord was perplexed by his behavior, but he obeyed nonetheless. He folded his leg up again, hitting Edd’a bulge again and sending another wave of pleasure through his body.

“Holy hell,” he mumbled, voice laced with pleasure and desire.

Tord unfolded his leg partially, then curled it up again. This time, he hit Edd a little harder, making Edd moan Tord’s name in a strained, quiet voice. They did this a few more times, Edd loving the pleasure washing over his body and Tord relishing in every bit of Edd’s reactions. Eventually, Tord decided it was time to progress things and make Edd feel even better. He lowered his leg entirely and reached up for the waistband of Edd’s pants. He grabbed at it, but before he attempted to undo the button, he looked up at Edd. Edd was staring impatiently at Tord’s hand, eager to get back to the pleasure. Tord took the look on his face and the lack of any verbal objection to be an all-clear sign, so he started fumbling with the button.

It turned out to be a lot more difficult than Tord had expected to unbutton jeans from his position. After about half-a-minute, Edd brushed his hand aside and undid the button himself, as well as unzipped the pants. Tord glared up at him and said in a slightly annoyed tone, “I had it, you know.”

“Maybe, but you were taking forever and I am extremely turned on right now.”

“Eh, fair enough.” Tord knew how constricting pants could be when he got turned on, so he couldn’t blame Edd for wanting to remove them fast.

Edd worked himself out of the jeans, rolling onto his back to pull them off and toss them onto the floor. Tord rolled over on top of him, deciding to reclaim the dominant position. He reached his right hand down and pressed it against the tent in Edd’s boxers. Edd hissed and grabbed the sheets next to him tightly. He flung his head back against a pillow and arched his back slightly. Tord lightly traced the outline of his dick with his index finger, causing Edd to let out a quiet string of curses under his breath. Tord wrapped his fingers around the elastic waistband of Edd’s boxers, ready to pull them down, when Edd put one of his hands on top of Tord’s.

“Maybe you should get undressed first. Because I do not want to have to stop in the middle of things for you to take your pants off.”

“Well, someone’s needy…” Tord grumbled jokingly as he undid the button and zipper of his jeans. He had them off within seconds, glad to free himself from that painful restraint.

He went back to Edd’s waistband and caught his gaze. “You ready?”

“Beyond ready.”

Tord smirked. He removed Edd’s boxers, Edd doing a strange maneuver to get them to slide off his ass. Tord pulled them the rest of the way off and tossed them onto the pile of clothes on the floor. Edd grabbed the hem of Tord’s boxers and pulled them down, letting Tord get them off the once they reached his knees. Finally undressed, the men took a minute to admire each others’ bodies fully. After a moment they looked up and locked their gazes. Tord, keeping eye contact, wrapped his right hand around Edd’s penis. Edd closed his eyes and threw his head back, whilst his back arched off the bed slightly. Tord slid his hand down it, wanting to feel the entirety of it before they progressed any further. Edd let out a deep, throaty moan as he gripped the sheets tightly.

An idea popped into Tord’s mind. He grabbed Edd’s right hand with his left and wrapped it around his own dick. Tord’s breath hitched at the sensation, and he squeezed his eyes shut for several seconds. He released Edd’s hand and returned to focusing on Edd’s penis. He tightened his grasp on it slightly, eliciting a small whimper from Edd. He began pumping it slowly, Edd moaning in time with each pump. Soon, Edd followed Tord’s lead and pumped his dick as well, drawing out both moans and curses from Tord. Over time they started pumping faster, making both of them moan significantly louder.

They carried on like this for a several minutes, but Tord eventually became a little bored, so he decided to change things up a bit. He stopped pumping Edd’s member, evoking a whine of disappointment from Edd.

“Hey, what’s the big—holy shit!”

Tord had placed his thumb over Edd’s shaft and begun sliding up and down it. Edd’s back arched and he threw his head back. His grip on Tord’s penis tightened significantly, causing Tord to cry out in both pleasure and pain. Edd called out Tord’s name loudly. He sounded pretty close to the edge by now. Eager to finish Edd, Tord quickened his pace, basking in Edd’s loud moans and whimpers. Dazed, Edd began rapidly pumping Tord, causing Tord to moan as well and occasionally whisper Edd’s name. Finally, their paces got so fast that they were both at their peak, and as they called out each others’ names, they lost control.

They rode out the high before collapsing onto the bed. Tord fell on top of Edd, his head resting on Edd’c chest. They panted heavily, trying to catch their breaths after everything that had just happened. Edd wrapped his arms around Tord and kissed his head, making Tord smile against his chest. They waited several minutes to regain their composure, then Tord hesitantly asked:

“Sooo, how was it?”

Edd sighed happily, closing his eyes. “Amazing. That felt so good.”

“Was that your first time?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn, you’re pretty good for a newbie.”

Edd blushed, his gaze shifting down to Tord’s head. “Th-thanks, I gue—wait, so that wasn’t your first time?”

“Nope. But it was one of the best, for sure.”

“I guess I never thought of you as—“

“They were one-night stands,” Tord interjected, knowing where Edd was going with this. “I’ve never had sex with someone I’ve dated. Hell, I’ve never actually dated anyone.”

“Well, you still haven’t, if we’re getting technical.” Edd’s tone had a hint of disappointment in it. He was fine with the arrangement they had agreed upon, especially if it made Tord feel more comfortable. But he still wished they could just date rather than be in this ambiguous gray area.

“True, but…I’ve never had sex with anyone I actually care about a lot, with someone I actually want to be with. But I care about you, I want to be with you. I really like you, Edd. I really, really do.”

Edd smiled, pleased to here Tord confirm his feelings. He’d done it before, but it always made Edd feel better to hear it aloud.

“I really like you, too,” he murmured, just above a whisper. He pressed Tord closer against him, wanting to be as close to him as he possibly could.

“I also really like your dick,” Tord muttered.

“Alright, get out, you moment-killer.” Edd unwrapped his arms from around Tord and shoved his head down. Tord laughed, despite knowing that would be Edd’s reaction. He decided to mess with him some more. He moved his head down till it was close to Edd’ cock.

“Is this far enough away?” he asked in a faux innocent tone.

“You really wanna go for round two? Already?”

Tord shrugged. “Eh, I’m usually down, but I think we could both use a break.” He glanced further down, noticing the mess they had made of themselves. “And also a nice clean up.”

“There’s some towels in my closet. Or do you want an actual shower?”

“I’m feeling pretty lazy right now. A towel will do.”

Tord slid out of bed, feeling dizzy when he first stood up. After getting his bearings, he made his way to the closet and felt around in the darkness for the towels Edd had spoke of. When he found them, he grabbed two and carried them back to the bed.

“Guess what,” he said as he sat back down on the bed and set a towel on Edd’s chest.

“Hm?” Edd hummed, sitting up and grabbing the towel.

“We left the movie on again.”

Edd laughed. “We are so bad at this….”

“What if we can only have sex to bad horror movies?”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

Tord laughed, amused by the dark, serious look on Edd’s face. As Edd started cleaning himself off, Tord leaned forward and kissed him gently. He smiled as he pulled back, seeing the grin he’d brought to Edd’s face. Then Edd caught his eye and said:

“Really? Do you have to do this right now?” He gestured down towards his dick.

“Yep, yep I do.”

“Oh, screw you.”

“You already did, remember?”

Edd shoved him, but chuckled at the remark. After they had both cleaned up, they tossed the towels onto the floor, forming a new pile of dirty laundry to be dealt with in the morning.

Tord looked at Edd, feeling much better now that he was clean. “Cuddle time?” he asked.

“Definitely,” Edd responded. Edd leaned backwards onto the pillows, squirming his way underneath the covers. He then pulled them off to the side to allow Tord entrance. Tord laid down on top of Edd, resting his head on Edd’s chest as he always did. Edd laid the covers over them both and wrapped his arms around Tord once again.

“Goodnight, Edd,” Tord mumbled into Edd’s skin, his eyes already closed.

“Goodnight, Tord,” Edd whispered, as he ran the fingers of his left hand through Tord’s hair.

                                                                                                                    ~(*)~

Tord woke up much before Edd did the next morning. He hit the light on Edd’s alarm clock on the bedside table. 6:30. Damn it. Luckily, he had already rolled off of Edd during the night, so it wasn’t near as disruptive for him to climb out of bed. He stuck his hand into the pile of clothes they’d made the previous night, grabbing a hoodie and a pair of boxers from out of the mix. He didn’t particularly care whose they were, as he doubted anyone else would be up at this hour, but he still felt a bit too self-conscious to walk around the house naked.

He closed the door quietly behind him and headed towards the kitchen. Maybe he could use this time to work on the robot a bit, since he lost all of last night. Not to mention he was pretty confident he was going to lose more. He didn’t know how much sex Edd would be interested in having, but he knew he’d want to hang out a lot and cuddle—especially the cuddling. Edd was much cuddlier than he had thought. Tord usually wasn’t very interested in it, but somehow with Edd he just wanted to be as close to him as possible all the time. Tord smiled a bit to himself as he entered the kitchen, prepared to make himself a cup of coffee.

He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he failed to notice the figure sitting on top of the counter by the sink.

“Morning, Sunshine Lollipops.”

Tord froze in front of the coffee maker. He whirled around to see Tom on the counter, a dark look on his face. Tord’s smile fell and a look of detest swept his face.

“Morning, Thomas.”

“You’re up rather early,” Tom said in a dry, suspicious voice as he hopped off the counter.

“As are you. I figured we wouldn’t see you until at least noon. And you’d be more wasted.”

“I kind of thought the same thing about you, considering how late you were up fucking last night.”

Tord wasn’t sure how to react. So Tom did hear them last night…He couldn’t say he was surprised. He and Edd had gotten pretty loud towards the end. An idea popped into his head, and a huge smirk crossed his face.

“Yeah, it was a great time. What, are you jealous, Tom?” he asked in a teasing voice.

Tom’s face remained deadpan, but he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You wish, Tord.”

“Oh no, I meant are you jealous of me? For getting to fuck Edd.”

Tom’s face still stayed resolved, but his hands did curl into small fists. That was enough to keep Tord going.

He pulled down the collar of the hoodie he had on, which he now realized was Edd’s, revealing a number of blue hickies.

“You wish these were your’s?” he taunted, smirk growing larger.

Tom’s fists tightened a bit before he unclenched them and dropped his arms to his side.

“Look, Tord, I’m not interested in Edd like that.”

“Really? I think you wish you were in my place, getting hickies and having your dick—“

“Oh, shut up, you asshole. If I really was jealous, I wouldn’t let you two run off every weekend on your own.”

Tord shrugged, refusing to admit defeat. “Sure, Tom, whatever you say,” he said in a skeptical tone.

He turned back around and picked up the coffee pot, happy to find Tom had already made a pot. He grabbed a mug that was on the counter and poured himself some coffee. He turned around again and leaned against the counter, sipping the warm coffee.

“Tord, listen to me,” Tom started, his voice sounding serious and heavy.

Surprised by the change in tone, Tord looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow.

“If you hurt Edd in anyway, if you break his heart…I’ll kill you. I won’t hold back, not even for Edd’s sake.”

“And you say you don’t like Edd…”

“I’m serious, Tord! Edd is my best friend and I won’t see him destroyed because of you!” Tom’s voice had gotten much louder, so loud that if Edd hadn’t been a heavy sleeper, it might have woken him up.

“Why are you letting him see me?” Tord caught Tom’s gaze, deciding to take the conversation more seriously. “You don’t trust me at all. You hate me. Why would you let your best friend put himself at risk like that?”

Tom sighed and balled his hands into fists again.

“Because he’s happy. He’s happy with you. Ever since you two have gotten together, he’s been in such a good mood. I want him to be happy, to be able to be with someone who makes him happy...”

Tord nodded slowly, understanding Tom’s perspective.

“…but you’re right. I don’t trust you. I think you’re a shitty asshole. But Edd sees and knows you differently. So who am I to ruin his happiness?”

Tord stood silent for a minute, deep in thought. No matter how much of a jerk Tom was, he couldn’t deny that the man was a good friend. He was actually glad Tom was here. Edd was going to need a good friend when he left.

“You’re a good friend, Tom,” Tord muttered.

“I try to be. But you understand that if you hurt him—“

“I understand, Tom. You’ll kill me.”

Tord stood up straight and started exiting the room, feeling uncomfortable with the current conversation.

“Be good to him,” Tom called out in a quiet voice after Tord.

Tord flinched, and he hoped Tom hadn’t noticed in the dim light of the early morning. He hated this so much.

“Of course.” And with that, Tord left the room, taking his coffee and heading to his lab to work on his robot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I got this posted pretty quick because I actually had this one pretty finalized. The next few ones may not be so quick, but I should have another up by the middle-end of the week. See y'all sometime between Wednesday and Friday!


	7. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has a nightmare and seeks help from Edd, but they wind up in a deep conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I finally got this done! Sorry this took so long to edit. I just had trouble focusing, and then the wifi stopped working for like a day. Hope you enjoy!

Tom knocked on Edd’s door, trying not to be too loud since it was still early. It was about six o’clock on a Tuesday morning, and though some people were up and heading off to work, plenty of others would still be fast asleep for several more hours. Tom had been skeptical of whether Edd would even be up now, but then he’d seen the date. Edd would definitely be awake.

Sure enough, after waiting for about a minute, Edd swung the front door open and greeted Tom with a tired, sad smile.

“Morning, Tom,” he said, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Morning, Edd,” Tom replied. Sadness tugged at his heartstrings at the sight of Edd’s face. The smile, the large bags under his eyes, the unkempt hair. Tom knew Edd had been in a terrible state ever since the Incident, but this just showed how it had taken a toll on Edd’s physical health as well as his mental.

“I don’t have breakfast fixed, so don’t expect anything,” Edd said in a mock-serious tone.

“Pft, well damn, Edd. You ruined my morning.”

Edd smiled a bit more and tried to laugh, but it sounded very forced. A few seconds passed, and Edd’s glance moved towards the floor. When Edd spoke, his voice was serious, and no hint of a smile traced his face.

“So, um, did you have a nightmare?”

Tom tried to look at Edd, but he felt a bit too emotional to do so at the moment. He too stared at the ground, and he murmured, “Yeah…”

“Come on in,” Edd said, gesturing towards the inside of his apartment. Tom entered and sat down on the couch, where they always went to chat on nights and mornings like this. Edd sat down to the left of Tom as usual and looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

“I can’t believe this is still happening after all this time,” Tom grumbled, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. “I mean, it’s been months since the last one. Why now?”

“I don’t know,” Edd muttered quietly. “This is kind of odd. Was it the same dream as before?”

“Not quite.” Tom started rubbing the scar on his left arm, which was exposed for once since he didn’t have his hoodie on right now. “The events were the same mostly, except that before shooting at me, he killed you and Matt. Just… stepped…right on top of you.”

Edd cringed at the thought of watching a giant robotic boot crushing him. He tried to shake it off and pay attention to Tom.

“I’m okay now, I think. I didn’t even have a panic attack this time,” Tom said, sounding more confident in his voice after getting past the details. “I just wanted some company. I always feel better after I talk to you.”

A small grin appeared on Edd’s face. “Well, I’m glad I can be somewhat helpful. And hey, no panic attack. That’s some good progress.”

Tom leaned forward and looked at Edd. “Thanks. I was really glad that didn’t happen.”

Edd’s grin remained, but his gaze shifted to his lap. He wished he was improving like Tom was. In fact, so far it just seemed like he was getting worse. Tom noticed the shift in Edd’s demeanor, and he sighed and placed his hand on Edd’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Edd. I know you’ve been having a much harder time than I have.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you’re doing better.”

“I wish I knew how to help you more. I feel so useless sometimes.”

“It’s not your fault, Tom. It’s a tricky situation.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Tom replied, removing his hand from Edd’s shoulder.

They sat in silence for several moments. Tom could tell Edd wanted to say something, but he refused to pressure him by asking him up front about it. When Edd was ready to speak, he looked up at Tom with an expression that suggested he’d been thinking about this a lot.

“Tom…part of the reason things have been so bad is because he and I…we were sorta--”

“I know.”

“—dating. Wa-wait, what? What do you mean you know?”

“Edd, I always knew, right from the start. You guys weren’t that discreet.”

“Seriously? Shit…” Edd mumbled. He propped his elbows up on his knees and hid his face in his hands, wanting nothing more than for everything to just be a dream.

“From the start?” he muttered through his hands.

“From the start. You guys started acting kinda weird at some point. And then after that one night when Matt was out and I refused to hang out with you, you guys got way more awkward and spent a shit ton of time together.”

“Was it really that bad?” Edd asked, mortified.

“You literally would ask me to not hang out with you sometimes so you and him could be alone.”

“Ugh, what the fuck was wrong with me?” Edd groaned in frustration. “That was so fucking dumb!”

“Eh, you do dumb shit when you’re in love,” Tom shrugged, trying to get Edd to stop beating himself up.

Edd stiffened and grew very still. He held his breath for several seconds as the words rang in his head. Tom noticed the sudden change and he put his hand back on Edd’s shoulder.

“Edd, what’s wrong?”

“He…he said that to me. Shortly after he came back. He was trying to justify us getting together and convince me to start again with him…”

“Edd, please don’t.”

“…and I listened to him. I believed him. I…trusted him.”

“Edd, stop it, right now.”

“If I had just said no right then….” Edd was beginning to shake and his voice was wavering. This is exactly what Tom had wanted to avoid. He’d seen Edd do this too many times to himself: start thinking about Tord, stir up the guilt and self-loathing, prompt an anxiety attack.

“Edd, you have to stop,” Tom commanded. His voice was much firmer than a moment ago. He grabbed Edd’s shoulders and gently forced Edd’s head up so that he could see his face. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for all this. There was no way you could have known who he was and what he was doing.”

“He lied to me, over and over again, and I kept coming back.”

“You didn’t know he was lying. He was such a good liar. He fooled all of us—even me.”

“You hated him from the start, though.”

“Well, yeah, but I just didn’t like him as a person. Not because I sensed he was untrustworthy or anything. You know I don’t have good enough social skills to pick up on that sort of stuff.”

The room fell silent for a minute. Tom removed his hands from Edd’s shoulders while Edd stared at his lap forlornly. Finally, Edd found the words he had been looking for to express his thoughts.

“Maybe I can’t blame myself for not seeing through him. But I can blame myself for falling for him. From the start, I knew something was wrong. He didn’t want to officially date, but he still wanted to be together. That should have been enough of a warning sign.”

Tom didn’t immediately respond, wanting to carefully formulate his response so as not to upset Edd more. “But…you were already in love, Edd. Love makes you do things that seem so stupid when you look back on them, but at the time you were willing to do anything for that person. You wanted to be with him, and so you were willing to do it no matter how off it seemed.”

Edd didn’t say anything for several moments. When he did, he veered the conversation, wanting to avoid talking any more about his guilt. He knew it was all in the past and he should just drop it. But he just couldn’t shake the guilt yet or come to believe what Tom and Matt told him.

So instead, he looked at Tom and said, “You sound like you know a fair amount about love, Tom.”

“I watched you go through that whole thing with Tord. It really taught me a lot.”

That small, sad smile returned to his face. “Why didn’t you say that you knew before now?”

“Well, since neither one of you told me, I figured you were trying to keep it quiet. Then after the…incident, I thought reminding you of it all would just make things worse.”

“Yeah…you were probably right. I was really frail at the start…”

_You still are_ , Tom thought to himself, but he held his tongue. He was still holding on to hope that Edd might improve soon. He didn’t want to confront him about his fragility unless he felt sure that he couldn’t get better on his own.

“Actually, Tord knew that I knew.”

Edd’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. I confronted him about it one morning.”

“What happened?”

“He…let’s just say he confirmed it, and then I told him if he ever hurt you I’d kill him.”

“Oh, wow,” Edd said, not having expected Tom to be so protective of him. “Did he…act weird about it?”

“No, not really. He may have been a jerk, but he knew I was looking after you. To be honest, looking back, I think he sincerely didn’t want to hurt you.”

Edd’s eyes drooped and his face fell. “I doubt it. It was probably a lot of fun for him to break my heart.”

“I really don’t believe that, Edd. He seemed a bit…hurt, almost, to have to promise me he wouldn’t hurt you. Like he knew he couldn’t protect you but he wanted to.”

Edd thought for several seconds, his head jumbled with too many thoughts. Then, in a soft whisper: “Ever since what happened, I’ve been trying to convince myself that he never cared for me, that it was all a hoax. That way I could mark off that part of my life as totally wrong and a mistake, and I wouldn’t have to worry about him. I could stop caring about him if it was all a lie. But thinking he actually did love me and wanted to be with me…that somehow hurts more.”

Tom sighed deeply, putting his left hand on top of Edd’s right. “That’s understandable. But in the end it came down to a choice, and he made the wrong one. It’s his fault that he’s hurt now, and no one else’s.”

Edd said nothing, just stared at his lap. Tom squeezed his hand lightly before releasing it. He stood up and said, “I’m going to get started on breakfast. That’ll make us both feel better.”

Still no response. Tom turned around and headed into the kitchen, deciding to let Edd be alone with his thoughts for a bit. As Tom was turning the stove on to start cooking the bacon, Edd spoke up:

“It’s Tord’s birthday today.”

Tom had been waiting for this to come up. What he hadn’t been expecting was Edd to use Tord’s name. He never said it, always afraid of the pain and memories it might stir up. Tom smiled a bit to himself, proud of Edd for making progress. Maybe he could get well on his own…

“Yep, it is,” Tom stated calmly as he put the bacon in the frying pan.

“Is it bad that I hope he has a good day?”

“Nope. Nothing is just good or bad, Edd. It’s all subjective.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, but you shouldn’t rely on others to tell you if something is wrong or right.”

Edd made a quiet affirmative humming noise, seeming to have accepted Tom’s suggestion. They let a silence fill the air, both of them focusing on their own thoughts. After several minutes, Edd couldn’t hold his tongue any longer, so he decided to voice his thoughts.

“Have you ever been in love, Tom?”

Tom was stunned. That was not something he’d ever thought Edd would ask him.

“I…don’t know. Maybe.”

“Can I ask who it was?”

“Nope. Not today. No more talk of love.”

“Fine, fine.”

Tom grinned to himself, relishing in the annoyed tone of Edd’s voice. Maybe one day he’d tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I've sketched out a rough schedule for updates while I'm at work the next three weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it and get a chapter or two up each week. I got some longer ones coming up soon, so that'll be fun! As always, thank you to everyone who has read/commented/left kudos. I truly appreciate every comment and kudos and they all make me really happy <3


	8. Painfull as Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom struggles with Tord returning for reasons he didn't expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're skipping back to the time around Tord's return, just to be clear. This one is kinda short but I personally love this one a lot. Hope you enjoy!

Tom yawned, surprised he was so tired at only ten o’clock at night. He usually stayed up until around one or two, but for some reason he had just felt drained of energy today. He didn’t think about it too much, though—it’s not like it’d hurt him to go to bed early for once. Before preparing for bed, he decided to go get one last glass of water to help wash down the whisky he’d just finished. He left his room and headed for the kitchen, blue glass in hand.

He stopped dead at the end of the hallway. His body stiffened, and his grip on his glass tightened alarmingly. He gritted his teeth, trying to keep himself from yelling aloud.

Edd and Tord were on the couch. There was a video game on the television screen—Mario Kart, from the sound of it. The two weren’t playing, though. Tord was sitting on Edd’s lap, straddling him. Edd had his arms wrapped around Tord’s waist, holding him so he didn’t fall back onto the coffee table. Tord had his hands tangled in Edd’s hair, and they were kissing quietly. Edd pulled back slightly and looked up at Tord.

“You are such a freaking cheater,” he mumbled, feigning annoyance.

“What? No,” Tord said in a faux-innocent tone. “I just wanted to kiss the amazing love of my life….

That was all Tom could handle. He rushed back to his room as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself. Tord would later confront him about the incident, but apparently Edd never realized he had been there. Good. That was the way Tom wanted to keep it.

Tom closed his door hurriedly behind him, trying his best not to slam it and alert them to his movement. He slid down the door until he was sitting with his back against it. He curled his knees up to his chest and propped his left elbow up on his left knee. He put his left hand against his face, closing his eyes and trying to calm his breathing. This was so surreal….

He had always known about Edd and Tord. From early on, he had noticed the quirks in their behaviors when they were together. After that one movie night, it had become blatantly clear to him that there was something going on between them. And of course, Tord himself later confirmed it all. But when Tord had left, Tom thought that would be the end. Edd had been badly hurt by Tord’s departure. He cried quietly to himself for nights on end. Tom couldn’t even remember how long that went on, but even once that ended, Edd still moped around most of the time and had some amount of sadness in his mannerisms and expression. Surely after all that, it would be over.

But as always, Tord had another thing coming. Edd had readily accepted Tord back into the house without a second thought. Tom guessed they had been communicating for a long time beforehand, as there was just no way Edd would have been on such good terms with Tord after only a week or two. Though Edd’s willingness to befriend Tord had bothered Tom greatly, he also knew Edd was an adult who could handle himself and that he surely had his reasons for letting Tord back in. Besides, he knew Tord better than Tom did—if anyone could more justly define Tord’s character, it was Edd. Still, Tom was sure Edd wouldn’t get back together with him. It’d been eight years, and Edd had been so heartbroken over Tord’s initial departure. He wouldn’t put himself back in the line of fire, right?

Naturally, Tom was wrong. Edd apparently did not care about the past. It was Tord, after all. It’s not like anything had changed in eight years. They could pick up right where they left off, of course. What could go wrong…?

Tom was shaken from his thoughts as he finally noticed that tears were crowding his eyes, preparing to slide down his cheeks. Confused, Tom reached his right hand up to his eyes and wiped them away. He stared at his slightly damp sleeve, unsure of what to think.

He knew he was mad that Edd and Tord were back together—how could he not be? He had been mad enough the first time around, watching his best friend wanting nothing more than to be with the biggest asshole he had ever known. And now, Edd didn’t even second-guess it when Tord came back after almost a decade—they just got right back to it. But tears seemed like an odd reaction to Tom. They didn’t feel like tears of anger to him, but sadness seemed too strange to him. Why would he be sad? It’s not like…

Tom’s eyes shot open wide. He brought the hand on his face up to his hair and tugged lightly at one of the spikes on the top of his head. No, that wasn’t it. That couldn’t be it…could it?

Tom sorted through memories, trying to see if there was any real evidence of this. He kept going back to various times during the months of Tord and Edd’s relationship. The nights when they’d go off on their own, usually to Edd’s room. All the sleepless nights when Tom would try his best to not hear any noises from the room, but would inevitably fail. All the early mornings when he would see Tord in the kitchen, sipping coffee and wearing Edd’s green hoodie. The other mornings when they’d all eat breakfast together, and Edd and Tord would exchange cute looks or hold hands under the table. All the times they sat a bit too close on the couch, went for walks and held hands, went into the other’s room to kiss the other goodnight if they weren’t staying together. During it all, Tom had just had to gritted his teeth and held his tongue. He hated them together, mainly because he hated Tord. But at the same time, he knew Edd was happier than he’d ever been, and he couldn’t interfere with that.

Whenever the topic of jealousy was brought up, though—mainly by Tord—Tom had always denied it. And he believed himself. Why would he be jealous of their relationship? It’s not like he had romantic feelings for either of them. Or…hadn’t.

Maybe there had been something unconscious, but there certainly was nothing overt. After Tord left, Tom had tried to console Edd. Not all the time, as he didn’t want Edd knowing he knew about him and Tord. Plus, he knew Edd didn’t want Matt to know either, so he tried to keep a good face on when around him. Late at night, though, Tom would hear Edd crying, or he’d see the tug of a sad frown when Edd would say goodnight and head off to his room. At first Tom didn’t intervene, thinking Edd just needed some time to sort stuff out on his own. Then a week passed. And another. Soon it was nearing a month since Tord had left, and Edd had not improved. That was when Tom started comforting him.

He’d go into Edd’s room late at night and sit next to him on his bed. He’d lightly rub Edd’s back until Edd calmed down, sometimes they’d hug. They hardly ever spoke, but neither one of them ever felt the need to say anything. Perhaps it was in those quieter, more intimate and open-hearted moments that it started. Tom had never seen Edd so emotional and raw before. Though words were almost never exchanged, somehow they both felt much closer to each other after it all.

Once Edd had started acting like his normal self again, those moments ceased to occur. But the bond they’d build didn’t disappear. Tom had never really thought of himself as liking Edd, though. They were just close. He knew Edd like the back of his hand. And he loved him in his best and worst of times, just like any good friend.

But the tears. Tom couldn’t deny they existed. The evidence was on his sleeve. Maybe he was sad because he felt like Tord was intruding on the bond he and Edd had made? Maybe he felt like he was losing his best friend to some jerky partner? Or maybe he really did like Edd. Tom decided wearily that he wouldn’t really be able to discern the answer tonight. Not when he was this emotional and tired. He’d think about this more in the morning. He was sure of one thing, though:

He would not be going to bed anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that short little chapter! The next one is longer and so it will take longer to edit/post. But I think it's a really good one, so hopefully it'll be worth the wait. I'll try and have it done by this weekend, though. Thanks again for all the reads/kudos/comments!


	9. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt struggles with a lot of emotions after finally learning what has been going on with Edd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, I finally included Matt in something! Yay! Anyways, I really like this chapter and I hope you do to!

Matt sat alone in his apartment on the couch. The clock on his cable box flashed 10:59 in bright red numbers. The room was dark, save for a small lamp Matt had turned on when he’d entered, which was on the end table next to the couch. The apartment next to his was oddly silent for a Friday night. If they weren’t hanging out, Tom was usually playing his bass or listening to music loudly. The silence was eerie, but Matt couldn’t get himself to do something to make noise: play music, turn on the TV, hum to himself. There were too many thoughts bouncing off the walls of his head, too many words echoing through his brain, too many memories replaying.

Shaking hands. Wet eyes. A trembling voice. All things Matt would never had expected to see from the people they came from.

_“I’m so scared for him, Matt. I don’t know what to do.”_

_Neither do I,_ was all Matt could think. He felt so lost, so disconnected. How did he never see any of it before? Had he really been that oblivious? Or had things been hidden from him? From what Matt was gathering, it was a bit of both.

_“Maybe we should…”_

Matt blocked out the rest of the sentence, the words too jarring to recount at the moment. He shut his eyes tightly and leaned back against the couch. He ran his hands down his face and groaned. This just couldn’t really be happening.

He knew he needed sleep and time to rest on things, but his mind was far too active to allow that to happen just yet. Not to mention there was a nagging feeling in his gut that was making him sick to his stomach and weak in the knees.

Guilt.

                                                                                                                    ~(*)~

Only about an hour ago, Matt had been at Tom’s place with him and Edd. They had been watching The Matrix, a movie they all loved but watched rarely, thanks to their slight obsession with bad horror films. Matt and Tom were sitting on either side of the couch, letting Edd sit between them. They had all been watching the movie with immense enjoyment for the past few hours, relishing in every cool action scene they saw.

Then, out of nowhere, the film had been muted. Tom growled in annoyance, especially since this was one of his favorite scenes. He picked up the remote from the coffee table and tried turning the volume up. Nothing. He growled again, when suddenly a loud alarm started blaring from the TV.

All three men jumped in surprise and let out startled cries. They covered their ears and Tom turned down the volume again. A giant red banner then appeared across the top of the screen, alerting viewers to some sort of danger. All three of them saw it at the same time:

**RED LEADER SPOTTED IN LONDON**

The three friends froze. Matt gulped, unsure of how to react. Tom sat stock still for a second, then curled his hands into fists. He stood up and grabbed the remote. He swung his arm backward, and before Matt could call out, “Tom, no!” Tom threw the remote into the television screen, shattering it into thousands of pieces. He continued standing afterwards, heaving in angry breaths and gritting his teeth.

Matt looked over at Edd and was shocked at the state he found him in. Edd’s eyes were wide and tears were streaming down his face. His mouth hung open, like he had wanted to say something but lost the words and just never closed his mouth. His breaths were shallow and shaky. Alarms immediately sounded in Matt’s head, and he recalled the incident he had walked in on a few months prior.

He put his hand on Edd’s left knee and leaned forward a bit so that he could look him in the eye.

“Edd?” Matt asked, voice laced with concern. Edd didn’t respond, he didn’t even move. Matt was afraid he was going into shock.

“Edd?” he asked again in a louder and more distressed voice. “Say something, please.” He shook Edd with the hand he had on his knee.

Matt’s voice seemed to draw Tom out of his tantrum. He whirled around and saw the scene occurring on the couch. He knelt down in front of Edd on the floor and put his hand on Edd’s free knee.

“Edd, come on buddy, snap out of it,” Tom said calmly, despite Edd’s state and the anger he had just exuded. Matt was stunned: Tom acted like he had done this a million times. How often was Edd having these episodes?

“Edd,” Tom repeated, a bit firmer than last time, but just as calm. “Edd, you’re safe. He’s not going to come after you.”

That seemed to spark something in Edd. Edd’s position didn’t change, but he finally managed to squeeze out a few words.

“Ho-how do you kn-know that?”

Matt looked at Tom now, wondering how he’d respond. Matt knew he couldn’t answer that question. How did they know Tord wouldn’t come after them to finish them off? Tom still looked just as calm and collected.

“Because it would destroy him.”

Matt recoiled a bit in surprise. What was Tom saying? None of them could fight Tord off if he came to to kill them. Tord was a mastermind with inventions and weapons. They were three dorks who didn’t even regularly work out.

Edd froze and looked up at Tom, staring straight into his eyes.

“Wh-what?”

“You know it would.”

“Tom, he do-doesn’t give a shit ab-about me.”

“Yes, he does, Edd.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“We’ve been over this before, Edd.”

“I know, but…”

“Edd.”

Edd sighed and put his head in his hands. He hunched over so that his arms and head rested against his thighs. Matt and Tom both moved their hands, not wanting them to get landed on. Tom moved his hand to Edd’s back and started gently dragging his nails up and down Edd’s back. Edd shuttered a bit, then eased into the comforting touch.

“He’s not coming, Edd. It would hurt him too much to see you.”

Edd groaned, clearly tired of thinking about this.

“Fuck him,” he mumbled from his odd position.

Tom laughed a bit, surprising Matt once again. How could Tom laugh at a time like this?

“Yeah, fuck him,” Tom repeated, a grin on his face.

After sitting like that for about ten minutes, Edd finally sat up. He looked at Tom, his face full of fatigue.

“I need to be alone for a while. I think I’m gonna go back to my place and try and rest.”  
Tom gave him a skeptical look, as if he knew that was not Edd’s intent. Edd just nodded his head, trying to signify he was being genuine. Tom gave him a curt nod in return, accepting his desire to leave. Edd then looked at Matt, a sad expression on his face.

“Sorry, Matt, I hate to get up and leave like this,” Edd said, looking genuinely regretful.

“Don’t worry about it, mate. You had quite a fright there.”

“Yeah…sorry if I scared you. I just kinda lost control.”

“It’s alright, Edd. Really, don’t fret. Try and get some sleep, okay?”

Edd gave him a small grin and nodded. He stood up, Tom’s hand sliding off his back. He exited the apartment and headed back across the hall to his own place.  
Matt then looked at Tom, after Tom situated himself back onto the couch in his original place. Tom let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. They sat in silence for a few seconds, before Matt finally broke it:

“Alright, Tom, what’s going on?”

Tom sat up straighter and looked at him, a confused expression on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“What’s going on with Edd? You never fully explained things to me.”

Tom hung his head, staring at his lap. He had totally forgotten about not finishing telling Matt about everything. He had been so wrapped up in taking care of Edd the past few months that he never thought about it.

“I at least thought Edd was getting better,” Matt continued. “I thought maybe that’s why you hadn’t talked to me. But clearly that’s not the case.” His voice was rising as he spoke, anger growing inside him from being left in the dark like this. Why were his friends hiding stuff from him? Really serious stuff, too. He wasn’t a kid; he could handle it.

“Matt,” Tom started, voice quiet and slightly hurt. “I’m really sorry. I…I didn’t mean to keep secrets from you.”

“Do you not trust me?” Matt angrily interjected.

“Of course I trust you! You’re one of my best friends, Matt.”

“Yeah, well, Tord was one of my best friends, and we saw how that worked out!”

Tom took a deep breath and lowered his voice back to its normal volume. “Matt, stop. We can’t turn against each other like this.”

Matt was about to continue, the words on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. He let out a deep sigh and took a few deep breaths before speaking again.

“I’m sorry, Tom. I didn’t mean to explode like that. I’m just…worried.”

“You and me both,” Tom muttered, turning to face him again.

“Okay, so, tell me what’s been going on.”

Tom sighed then said, “Where do I even begin? Alright, let’s see…”

He thought for a moment, trying to remember what Matt knew. He almost cringed when he realized Matt really didn’t know anything. He had been kept completely in the dark for more than nine years. Holy shit…

“Shit, okay. So, a few months before Tord left the first time, Edd and him started…dating, kinda.”

“What? Really?” Matt exclaimed in surprise.

“This was when you were dating Kayleigh, so you were out of the house a lot.”

“Oh, that makes more sense. Still, I thought they’d at least have told me….”

“Well, see, I said ‘kinda.’ They weren’t officially dating. Something Tord requested. He also didn’t want us to know. I only found out after hearing them one night and confronting him about it the next day.”

“Oh,” Matt said quietly. Then the full meaning of Tom’s last sentence sank in. He grunted in disgust and spat, “Ew, why?”

“My sentiments exactly,” Tom agreed. “Anyways, Tord left, Edd was heartbroken, I tried to console him. Eventually he was fine. Tord comes back, they get back together, and—“

“Tord fucks us all over,” Matt finished for him, anger boiling in his gut as he put the pieces together.

“Yep,” Tom nodded. “Edd’s been pretty distraught ever since then. He blames himself for what Tord did and for the damage it caused. The guilt really eats away at him, and he has nightmares most nights. And anxiety attacks. A lot of anxiety attacks. He’s been trying to keep it together during the day, so as not to worry you, but I hear him almost every night and I go over there and try and calm him down.”

“I see,” Matt whispered, anger coursing through him still over Tord’s betrayal. “So that’s why you two have been so close…”

“Yeah,” Tom confirmed. “You really bond when you help someone through that shit every night. But he’s helped me, too. I had nightmares and attacks for a while.”

Matt nodded, but said nothing. He was trying to push aside his anger and focus on the actual situation at hand.

“So, Edd was close to an attack earlier?” he asked.

“Yeah, it looked like it. I’m pissed I did that to the TV, but it prevented Edd from seeing anything else and freaking out more.”

“But that attack wasn’t because of Edd’s guilt, was it? It seemed like he was more afraid of Tord.”

“I’m not exactly sure what to call it. The closest thing I can think of that explains this is PTSD.”

“Shit,” Matt muttered. Tom nodded in agreement, hating the idea as well.

“He reacted this way several months ago, when we saw that news broadcast. So he hasn’t been getting better.”

“Hell no,” Tom said. “Honestly, I’m worried that he’s getting worse. It’s been like, nine months, and there’s been no improvement. I….”

Tom trailed off. Matt looked over at him, only to find Tom’s eye sockets damp with tears. He brought his hands up to his face and leaned back against the couch. He took in a raspy breath. His leg shook lightly. Matt put his hand on it, trying to calm him down.

“Tom?” he asked nervously.

“It’s just,” Tom started up again, his voice shaky. “I’m so scared, Matt. I’m so scared for him. He needs help but I’m not enough. I can’t fix him and I hate it and I’m so afraid I’m going to lose him.”

Matt froze. “Y-you don’t really think he’d…?” He couldn’t finish the question. It was too heartbreaking.

“I don’t know anymore,” Tom whispered, his voice trembling even more now. “I…I just don’t know what to do.”

Matt took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I don’t know if there is anything you can do, Tom. I think this may be out of your reach.”

“But we have to do something,” Tom objected, voice a bit stronger. “He can’t live like this much more.”

“I agree, but I think it’s out of our hands. Maybe we should try a psychiatrist.”

Tom sat up and removed his hands from his face. His eyes were still damp, but he was staying controlled. “A psychiatrist?”

“If this really is PTSD, and if things are as bad as you say they are, then I think it may be time to get professional help. Clearly we can only do so much. A professional though might be able to do more.”

Tom sat in deep thought for a solid minute. He then sighed and ran his hands through his hair again. He groaned in dismay. “I really don’t want to do this.”

Matt nodded, knowing the feeling. But he was glad Tom had accepted his suggestion. Finally, he could actually help Edd in some way. “I know, but I think it’s our best shot.”

“Alright,” Tom murmured. “Tomorrow, I’ll try and talk to him about it. Or maybe in a few days. He may need a rest after tonight. Man, he is not going to be happy about this….”

“What, like we are? We just want to help him. Surely he’ll understand that.”

“Yeah, probably.”

They sat in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say now. They both looked at the broken TV, wishing it still worked so they had a distraction. After a while of this, Matt turned and looked at Tom.

“Hey Tom, did you really mean what you said? About Tord not coming back?”

Tom kept looking at the TV, but he responded. “Eh, sort of. I think what I said is right, but I don’t know it for a fact. I really just said it to calm Edd down.”

Matt looked back at the broken device. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I figured.”

“Are you scared?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, a bit. Are you?”

“Yeah.”

Then they sat in silence for almost half-an-hour.

                                                                                                                       ~(*)~

Matt hated feeling guilty. It was one of the worst feelings, in his opinion. He felt guilty for not having seen the warning signs earlier. He felt guilty for not being able to help his friend or see the pain he was in. He felt guilty that now when he did try and help him, it was just making him see a therapist and telling him he’s mentally ill.  
He was also scared. What if Tord came back and just murdered them all? It wouldn’t be hard, certainly not for a genius like him. At first he just resolved himself to not sleeping much that night. But even just being alone in his apartment started to get to him. Not to mention all the nagging guilt and the sad thoughts.

Around one in the morning, Matt finally resolved himself and got up. He went next door and knocked on Tom’s door lightly, afraid of waking him. Tom opened the door only seconds later, though, not at all surprised to see him.

“Hey, do you think I could—?“

“Come on, Edd’s already here.”

Matt smiled, and Tom returned it. Matt walked in and saw Edd on the couch, looking like he was on the verge of falling asleep. He smiled tiredly when he saw Matt.

“Heya, Matt,” he said, yawning.

“Hi, Edd.”

Tom closed the door and returned to the couch, sitting in the same place as earlier. When he sat down, Edd leaned his head on Tom’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Tom smiled as he intertwined his fingers with Edd’s. Though it was hard to see much in the dark apartment, Matt swore he saw a small blush spread over Tom’s cheeks. Matt smiled, though a pang of pain also hit him. If his guess was right, Tom was going to be living a rough life. There’s no way Edd would ever put his heart on the line again.

Matt shelved the thoughts, too tired to think anymore. He sat down on the other side of Edd, just as he had at the start of the night. He placed a small throw pillow that was on the floor onto the arm of the couch. He rested his head on it, spreading his legs out across Edd and Tom. Tom scoffed quietly as he leaned his head on top of Edd’s. Edd made no movement, already asleep or too tired to care about Matt’s legs. Matt smiled and closed his eyes. He was still scared, but at least he was with his friends now for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed that chapter! I have no clue when the next one will be up--it'll at least be Monday or Tuesday though. Thanks as always for reading and supporting this story! <3


	10. You Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Edd have a talk about Edd's mental health.

Edd could feel his hands pruning up. He had been washing dishes from breakfast for about twenty minutes now. Bacon grease and scrambled egg are hard to get off pans, he was realizing. At least he was on the last dish now. He scrubbed vigorously at the caked on egg with a sponge, a determined look on his face. As he scrubbed, he heard and saw out of the corner of his eye Tom’s bedroom door open. Tom stepped out, dressed for the day in his usual blue hoodie and black jeans.

“Hi, Tom,” Edd called out as he continued scrubbing.

“Hey, Edd. How’re the dishes going?”

Edd groaned. “At least I’m almost done.”

Tom nodded, grateful it wasn’t his day to do dishes. A quiet alarm went off in Edd’s head at the motion. Tom usually wasn’t this quiet, or this agreeable. Something must be wrong…

Edd finished cleaning the pan and placed it in the drying rack next to the sink. He grabbed the dish towel off the counter beside him and dried his hands. As he dried them, he turned around to face Tom, slightly disturbed that Tom had yet to move from his initial position. He was staring at the floor, looking very uncomfortable.

“Tom, what’s wrong?” Edd asked, concerned.

“Edd,” Tom started in a weak voice. Edd nearly dropped the towel, surprised by the frailness of his friend’s voice.

“Tom, what is—“

“Let me see your arms,” Tom interjected, refusing to meet Edd’s gaze.

“What? Why?” Edd asked in confusion.

“Roll up your sleeves,” Tom demanded, though his voice was still weak.

“Tom, what is this about?”

“Edd, please, just do this for me.” Tom looked up at him finally. Edd was shocked to find his eyes wet.

Taken aback, Edd set the towel on the counter once more and pushed up the sleeves of his hoodie. Tom gently took hold of his wrists, and he flipped Edd’s arms over to see the undersides. Edd cocked an eyebrow, completely lost as to what Tom was trying to find. Tom studied Edd’s arms hard for several seconds, then released his wrists and took a step back.

“Alright, thanks, Edd.”

Edd pushed his sleeves back down, feeling conscious after being studied so intensely.

“What was that about?”

Tom didn’t immediately answer. He took a deep breath, then let it out in a long sigh. He put his right hand on Edd’s left shoulder and looked up at Edd.

“Edd, we need to talk.”

Edd’s face twisted in confusion, only becoming more lost as the conversation progressed.

“Tom, what’s going on? Why are you acting so strangely?”

“Edd, you’re not going to like what I’m about to say. But please, hear me out….”

“Is this about last night? Did something happen with…Tord?”

Tom winced slightly. He remembered when he heard him say that name for the first time in a long time, back on Tord’s birthday. He had thought that was a sign of Edd improving, that maybe Edd could really get better on his own. But that was the only improvement Edd had made in the past nine months, and it was just not enough.

“No. Matt and I were talking last night, and—“

“He knows how bad things have been lately?” Edd intervened.

“Yeah, he does,” Tom said, taking the interruption in stride. “The point is we both think you need more help than we can give you.”

Edd tensed and the color drained from his face.

“What are you saying, exactly?”

Tom close his eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath. He let it out in a long exhale, trying to ground himself before responding. Finally, he managed to calm himself enough to say what he needed to.

“We think you should get some professional help.”

Edd froze. His heart skipped a beat, and for several seconds he held his breath.

“Edd?” Tom asked, noticing Edd’s shocked reaction.

“So,” Edd started, his eyes staring straight ahead. He looked and sounded like he was on another planet. “You want to send me to a mental hospital or something?”

“What? No, of course not, Edd. We just want you to see a psychiatrist or a therapist. Some sort of professional mental health person.”

Edd visibly relaxed. He shoulders sunk a bit lower and his breathing became more steady.

“Oh.”

“Edd, I really didn’t want to do this. I really thought things would just get better, that I was enough help, but…” Tom trailed off, beginning to choke up.

Edd looked down at him, still not entirely present. Tears were clouding Tom’s eyes, but he was trying to hold them back.

“I’m just not enough. I’m so….” He trailed off again, feeling his emotions get the better of him.

Tom’s emotional display hurtled Edd back down to Earth. He wrapped his arms quickly around Tom’s figure and pulled him in, pressing him against his chest. Tom finally let out a few tears as he buried his head in Edd’s chest. Edd hugged him tighter, feeling tears fall from his own eyes now.

“Tom, you are so much more than enough. You’ve done so much for me over the past months. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” Edd’s voice cracked on his last few words, his emotions becoming too much for him to hold in.

Tom brought his arms up and around Edd’s frame, pulling him tightly against himself. Edd placed his head on Tom’s shoulder, dampening the shoulder of his hoodie with tears.

Tom sucked in a breath and turned his head to one side so that Edd could hear him better. “I’m just so scared, Edd. I’m scared you’re going to only get worse and then eventually hurt yourself or—“

“I know,” Edd whispered against the fabric of Tom’s hoodie. “I…I’m not going to lie. I’ve thought about it a few times.”

Pain struck Tom’s heart hard and he immediately more tears poured down his cheeks. He buried his face back into Edd’s hoodie, distraught at the thought of losing his best friend. Edd raised his head and leaned back, forgetting about his own tears.

He shushed Tom, running a hand through Tom’s hair. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to fix this together.”

In that moment, it clicked in Edd’s head that he had never really tried to get better before now. He had been content with suffering, with holding onto all the painful emotions and memories from the past few years. But now, seeing his best friend distraught and fearing for his life, he knew he had to make a change. Not just for Tom and Matt, but for himself.

“I’ll call and make an appointment tomorrow. I promise.”

Tom attempted to nod his head against Edd’s chest. The two friends just stood together in the kitchen for several minutes. Edd held Tom whilst Tom tried to calm down, allowing all of the fear and sadness he’d felt the past few months out. Finally, once Tom’s breathing had mostly returned to normal, he pulled back from Edd’s grasp just far enough so that he could look up at his friend. Edd smiled sadly down at him, moving the hand that was in Tom’s hair back down to his back.

“I’m still here for you. You know that, right?” Tom asked.

Edd let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I know. Same goes for you.”

Tom grinned. “And try and keep Matt in the loop. He was really upset that we didn’t tell him about everything.”

“Yeah, I feel bad about that. I just didn’t want him to worry.”

Edd unwrapped his arms from around Tom, and the shorter man stepped backwards a few paces. Edd glanced down at the floor, feeling slightly awkward.

“So, um, when you looked at my arms, was that you…?”

“Yep,” Tom answered, knowing exactly what Edd was going to say.

“Ah, okay. Did you think I was, you know…?”

Tom responded slowly and hesitantly, as if he was nervous about how to phrase his words. “No…but I wasn’t totally sure. I figured it was on your radar at least.”

Edd moved the dish towel over to another part of the counter and hoisted himself up so that he could sit. Tom walked closer and stood next to the sink.

“How do you know me so well, Tom?” Edd asked, staring down at his feet.

“We’ve been best friends for way too long, mate. And I’ve been your main support system through all of this bullshit.”

“True,” Edd agreed, sounding hesitant. “But still. How did you know I was considering…hurting myself?”

“Guess I know you a little too well.” Tom sighed, clearly not done with his statement. “It’s not just that you haven’t been getting better. Lately you seem to be more…depressed? Or something akin to that.”

Edd nodded. He couldn’t deny that. His mood had been significantly decreased the last month or so, and he eventually stopped having the energy to make himself appear happy when he was with his friends.

“All the guilt, the self-loathing,” Tom continued. “It was bound to amount to something eventually.”

Edd just nodded again.

“I’m actually ill, aren’t I?” Edd asked suddenly, his voice just above a whisper.

“I don’t know…but I would guess so. Yes.”

“Fuck…” Edd mumbled under his breath. “I mean, it makes sense. I just thought….” He trailed off, groaning loudly.

Tom stood in front of Edd, his body touching Edd’s dangling legs. Edd leaned his head forward onto Tom’s chest. Tom wrapped his arms around Edd, holding him lightly against him.

“Fuck Tord,” Edd muttered.

Tom chuckled at that, bouncing Edd’s head up and down slightly. “Yeah, fuck that prick.”

“At least he fucked himself over, too.”

“That’s true. He’s got physical and emotional pain, thanks to us.”

“Yeah, we’re the dream team for screwing with people.”

Tom laughed heartily at that. He patted Edd’s head gently, as if to praise him. Edd smiled against him, then held one of his hands out to the side of him and Tom. Tom took his hand off of Edd’s head and high-fived him. Edd sat up, feeling as though he were about to fall off the counter. He then grabbed Tom’s hand and led him over to the living room area.

“Ok, tomorrow I’ll make my appointment. In the meantime,” he turned and gestured to the broken television, “this is our job.”

Tom finally stopped laughing and regained his composure. “Alright, sounds like a plan. I’ll start googling.” Tom removed his hand from Edd’s grasp and headed for his bedroom, where his laptop was located. As he walked away, a small smile stretched across his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for being patient while I worked on this! I hope to have another one up by the start of next week, but it is a long one so it'll take a while to edit. Have a lovely weekend :)


	11. Everything Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has finally come for Tord to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Sorry it's taken so long: work has been crazy and editing porn at work is hard XD. Because of the latter, the actual fluff/sex has not been edited recently, so sorry for any errors. Also, this chapter jumps back to right before Tord left the first time.

September came too fast. Tord had been trying to ignore the month’s approach, refusing to update his calendar or check the date on his computer. Eventually, though, he had to start making arrangements to leave. The robot was finished, and now Phase Two had to begin. Tord had dragged out his development of the robot as much as he could. Initially, progress had been slowed because of how much time he was spending with Edd. It had been a bit of nuisance for him at first, but as he and Edd grew closer and fell for each other more, he stopped worrying about his machine. He instead sought out every opportunity to spend time with his partner, and he willing gave up most of his nights to sleep in Edd’s bed. He hit a point where he didn’t want to leave, where he just wanted to stay with Edd and be together forever. But, he wanted world domination just as much.

Well…almost as much.

At the end of August, Tord announced to his friends that he’d be leaving at the end of the next month. His mother was very ill, and he needed to be with her right now. He also said he wanted to focus on his art career, which would be a bit easier back home where he wasn’t surrounded by friends constantly to distract him. Matt had looked downcast, sad to see his friend leave, but he nodded in understanding. Tom just sat on the arm of the sofa with his arms crossed, a deadpan expression on his face. He grumbled something under his breath about it being about time, but no one seemed to hear him. Edd just sat next to him, staring at Tord with tears in his eyes. He was trying to keep it together whilst he was in front of the others. So, it was finally time…he knew this day would come. It had just come too fast.

Tord saw the tears in Edd’s eyes. He knew he was about to break down. He felt tears welling up in his own eyes, and he tried to stifle a sniff. Tord left the room, knowing the conversation was over. He headed straight to Edd’s room, all too aware that Edd needed him right now. Edd followed him shortly after, tears streaming down his face as he stood up from the couch. He quickly beelined to his room and closed the door a little too loudly behind him. He turned around and saw Tord, but that just proved to be too much for him. Edd burst into sobs, covering his face with his hands. Tord rushed over and pulled him into a tight embrace, letting Edd’s tears wet his shirt. Edd cried into Tord’s chest for quite a while, neither one of them caring about anything but the other in this moment. Tears were streaming down Tord’s face, too, but he wouldn’t let himself break. Not now—Edd needed him now. He could deal with his own emotions later.  
Even after Edd calmed down, Tord continued to hold Edd. He wanted nothing but to be close to the man, to make him feel alright again. But that was something he knew he couldn’t do. Eventually, Tom called out that the pizza he’d ordered for dinner was here. The lovers untangled themselves, and, without caring about their roommates seeing them, they left Edd’s room holding hands.

~(*)~

September 27th. Tord was leaving in less than twenty-four hours. Everyone had been spending the last month preparing themselves for Tord’s departure on their own. Edd cried occasionally, when Tord wasn’t around to see him and feel bad. Matt was alright most of the time, only feeling downcast in quieter, calmer moments. Tom was eagerly awaiting the 28th for the most part, except he knew Edd was going to be distraught once Tord left. Hopefully he could find some way to help his friend through that hard time.

Tord had, of course, been packing his things. He tried to move slowly, hoping to draw the process out as long as he could. He also worked on closing down his lab and securely storing his robot. It would be unspeakably horrible if anyone found this thing before it was time to reveal it. Before storing it away the last time, Tord looked up at it, a pain in his chest. This was the reason he had to leave, the reason he had to break Edd’s and his own heart. The reason he had to destroy everything he had ever had and loved. He wanted to press the self-destruct button right then, but he couldn’t get himself to lower his hand. For one, it’d destroy the house and probably kill him and his housemates. But he’d also already gotten this far. How could he just throw that all away now?

On Tord’s final day in town, everyone—namely Matt and Edd—had decided to be happy. They weren’t going to think about Tord leaving or how much they were going to miss him. Instead, they were going to try and have the best day they could. They made Tord’s favorite foods for every meal and did all of Tord’s favorite activities during the day. No one cried—only smiles were allowed. Tord exchanged glances with Edd several times throughout the day, as if trying to see when they could have some private time. Edd smiled at him at one point, signaling that they could be together tonight, and Tord grinned and nodded his head in agreement.

That evening, they all played Super Smash Bros together until about eleven o’clock. They had hardly stopped for dinner, which was just a meat lover’s pizza from Tord’s favorite pizzeria in town. But around eleven, everyone was feeling fatigued from their day of fun, and they knew they all had to get up earlier than desired to send Tord off. Tom got up and mumbled a “goodnight” as he went to his room. Matt got up shortly after Tom did and said his goodnights, too. Edd then shut off game and the television, while Tord cleaned up the pizza and dishes from dinner. Once everything was taken care of, Tord and Edd intertwined their fingers and headed to Edd’s room.

Tord walked in first, Edd following right behind him. Edd closed the door and turned around to find Tord just standing in the middle of the room, staring at him. Edd walked over, and the two embraced tightly. They stood together for several minutes, relishing in the closeness of the other. Edd was the first to pull back, though he stayed close enough to hold the embrace. He looked Tord in the eyes and swallowed around the lump in his throat. The sadness was threatening to come up, but he had to keep it down until Tord left tomorrow. Finally, he composed himself and said:

“Let’s make the most of this night.”

Tord smiled and nodded. He pulled Edd closer for a kiss. One of Edd’s hands crawled to the nape of Tord’s neck, while the other tangled itself lightly in his hair. Their kisses were soft, but passionate, as though both men were putting all of their love into them. Usually when they made out, they went quicker and rougher. They aimed to be sexy and seductive and to turn each other on. But tonight was not about the physical—it was about their emotions. This would be the last time for who knows how long—possibly forever—that they could be together, that they could show each other how much they cared. Most of what they did had feeling in it, but not all of it. Tonight, though, it was all or nothing. They were going to lay their hearts out bare and open for the other to see. Neither of them said it aloud, but in their kisses it became clear how emotional this evening was going to be.

They continued their passionate kisses for several moments before Tord slid his tongue into Edd’s mouth. A small noise escaped Edd’s throat, but Tord made no snide comments this time. He pressed his body closer to Edd’s, wanting nothing more than to be as close to Edd as physically possible. Soon, Edd slipped his own tongue into Tord’s mouth. Tord brought his hands around and placed them on either side of Edd’s face, holding him gently. After several moments, they broke away for air, both panting and eyes half-lidded. They stared into each other’s eyes for several seconds before Edd laid his forehead against Tord’s, closing his eyes all the way.

“You’re so amazing,” he whispered lovingly, twirling a small lock of Tord’s hair as he spoke.

Tord smiled and whispered back, “So are you.”

“I’m so glad you kissed me that night.”

“So am I.”

Edd’s smile widened and he chuckled softly. They fell silent, but only for a few seconds. Tord broke the quietness, the smile gone from his face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t better to you. You deserve so much better.”

Edd’s face fell, and he pressed Tord closer against him. “No, Tord. You’re okay.”

“I was a shitty partner, and I know I was. I just wanted to keep us from getting hurt.”

“There’s no way around that, though, my love.”

“But there is, Edd…you deserve so much better than me. You really do.”

Edd pulled back and stared at him. Tord met his gaze, eyes full of regret and expression sad.

“I love you, Tord. That’s all that matters.”

Tord’s eyes widened, but before he could respond, Edd’s lips were back on his in another passionate kiss. Tord let his eyes close, deciding to shelve the conversation for later. Tord wrapped his arms around Edd’s waist. Every ten minutes or so they broke away for air. They rubbed their noses together and planted kisses across every inch of each other’s faces. After one break, Tord bent down slightly and placed kisses all down Edd’s neck.

Edd threw his head back slightly, letting Tord have more access to the skin. “You’re perfect,” he mumbled.

Tord looked up at him and grinned. He buried his head in the nape of Edd’s neck, planting another kiss before speaking. “So are you.”

A kiss. “You’re kind.”

Another. “And funny.”

Another. “And dedicated.”

He stood up again, placing a kiss on Edd’s right cheek. “And loyal.”

Then one of the left cheek. “And completely ridiculous.”

Edd scoffed. “Excuse me, what was that last one?”

“You drank a twelve-pack of Cola in two days, Edd.”

“You make it sound like a problem.”

Tord rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

“Wanna move to the bed?” Edd asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

They threw themselves onto the bed, and sat beside each other. They immediately returned to kissing, Edd’s right hand resting on Tord’s face, his left on Tord’s right hip. Tord had one hand on Edd’s back, and the other tangled in Edd’s hair. After a while, Tord slid his hands down to the back of Edd’s shirt and yanked it up over Edd’s head. Edd broke away long enough to lift his arms up for Tord. Tord tossed the shirt onto the end of the bed, surprised he didn’t overshoot and throw it to the floor. He turned back to Edd and admired his torso.

“Damn, you’re beautiful,” he muttered under his breath.

Edd blushed, unused to hearing compliments on his body. “Thanks. It’s really nothing special, though.”

“No, it is. It’s your body. That’s all it takes to make it special.”

Edd blushed deeper. “But, you’ve actually got a nice body: abs, muscles. I just have…”

“Who cares if I’ve got a bit of muscle?” Tord interrupted, his voice still quiet and gentle. “Don’t compare yourself to me. Your body is beautiful in a different way—that’s all.”

Edd let a small grin spread across his face. “Thanks, love.”

“Anytime…darling.” Tord blushed as he tried out the pet name. Edd smiled, loving the new term. Tord was clearly uncomfortable with being so openly loving, but he tried to shove it down.

He lowered himself slightly so that his face was level with Edd’s chest. He created a trail of kisses down Edd’s torso, showing Edd how much he loved his body. Edd ran his fingers through Tord’s hair, closing his eyes in bliss. When Tord reached Edd’s navel, he sat back up and reconnected his and Edd’s lips. Edd willingly accepted the contact, placing his hands on Tord’s back and pressing him closer. Tord’s left hand roamed Edd’s bare chest, touching every inch of skin he could. After several minutes, Edd pulled back and grabbed the hem of Tord’s shirt. Tord automatically raised his arms up, and Edd added his discarded shirt to his. He ran his hands down Tord’s chest, then met his gaze.

“See, you’ve got gorgeous muscles.”

Tord scoffed and kissed Edd’s forehead. “Come on, enough about my body. Tell me why you love me.” “Love” felt unnatural and awkward to say, but he tried to roll with it.

Edd buried his head in Tord’s neck. Tord wrapped his right arm around Edd and leaned them both back against the wall.

“Your cynical humor. Your sarcasm. Your competitiveness. The kindness you try and pretend doesn’t exist. How good a friend you are…”

Tord’s face fell as Edd continued listing things off. If only he knew, was all he could think. But he just bit his lip and continued listening, trying not to crack and just tell Edd what was going on that instance. He’d come too far to give up now…

Right?

The steak of doubt that stung Tord’s mind was pushed aside when Edd sat up and looked at him. Tord caught his gaze, his ears ringing from his realization.

“That good enough for you?” Edd asked with a sly grin.

Tord nodded his head slowly.

“I really do love you, Tord,” Edd mumbled quietly. Tord wanted to repeat those words back to him, to tell him how he truly felt. But he knew if he did, he would fall apart right then and there.

He decided to attempt a distraction. He placed his left hand on the back of Edd’s head and pressed his forehead against his own. He nuzzled Edd’s face with his nose gently, placing soft kisses occasionally in random places. He eventually kissed him once more. After several moments, they added tongue back into the equation, letting things progress some more. They moved their bodies in time with their kisses, letting some friction finally build up. As time went on, they both started letting small noises and groans escape their throats.

After a while of this, they both could feel their pants getting tighter. Eventually Edd pulled back and asked, “Should we lose the pants?”

Tord nodded eagerly, sick of the constricting denim on his lower half. Edd moved off of Tord and stood up to undress himself, while Tord wiggled his pants off while laying on the bed. Edd climbed back onto the bed, now only in green boxers. He climbed on top of Tord and returned to kissing, letting his hands roam Tord’s torso. Tord cupped Edd’s ass and squeezed occasionally, loving the soft humming noises Edd made into their kisses when he did it. At one point Edd pulled back and looked down at his partner.

“You’re really sexy, you know?”

“Oh, I know,” he smirked up at Edd. “But so are you.”

Edd blushed again, and Tord knew where this was going. “I don’t care what others say or what you thought. You are sexy as fuck to me, Edd.”

Edd smiled and gently brushed Tord’s hair out of his eyes. “Thanks, Tord.”

“Now, get back to turning me on.”

“Demanding much?” Edd asked, an eyebrow cocked. Tord just smirked and pulled him back down into a deep, passionate kiss. Edd didn’t hesitate to respond, despite Tord’s previous comment.

They continued kissing for a while, before Edd let his hand slide down to the front of Tord’s boxers, where he could feel his erection poking out. Tord gasped lightly, surprised by the contact.

“Should we jump into it?” Edd asked.

“I’m ready if you are,” Tord said, his voice slightly husky and needy.

Edd just nodded, then he pulled Tord’s boxers off. As Tord helped him wiggle them all the way off, he asked, “Can I top tonight?”

“Sure,” Edd responded. Edd had never really had a preference for top or bottom, but he knew Tord much preferred to be on top and in control. Edd was fine with that, especially since he was still not totally confident in his topping skills.

Tord sat up and scooched out from under Edd. Edd climbed off the bed again to remove his own boxers. In the meantime, Tord grabbed a condom and slid it on himself. He then lathered lube on his dick. Edd hopped back on the bed and bent over on his hands and knees in front of Tord. Tord sat up on his knees behind Edd, admiring his ass for a moment.

“Want me to stretch you?” he asked, placing his hands on Edd’s hips.

“Yes, please,” Edd said, eager for the sensation.

Tord rubbed a bit more lube on his fingers, then he slowly slid one into Edd’s ass. Edd let out a groan, throwing his head back. He moved the finger in and out, loosening up Edd’s asshole. Edd let out soft moans and whimpers, enjoying the sensation. Several minutes later, Tord added another finger, making Edd moan louder.

“Tord,” he muttered quietly, hands clenching the sheets.

“Soon, love,” Tord said. Once he was confident he had stretched it out enough, he removed his fingers from Edd’s ass. He positioned himself above Edd’s asshole, placing both hands on his hips.

“You ready?” he asked, voice laced with desire.

“Hell yeah,” Edd responded in a similar tone.

Tord slowly slid his cock inside of Edd, making Edd gasp and whimper. He paused for a second once he was fully inside Edd, trying to get used to the feeling again.

Then, he pulled almost all the way out, before thrusting his hips forward and his cock back inside. Edd let out a loud moan. Tord repeated the motion, still going slow.

“I love you so fucking much,” Edd grunted after another moan, his breath coming in short, needy pants already,

“I bet you do,” Tord said. He attempted to sound cocky, but he was already too turned on, so it came out more forced and desperate than intended.

Tord gradually quickened his pace, building up speed much slower than he normally did. Tonight was a special night: everything was slow and steady and emotion-filled. He couldn’t say “I love you” aloud tonight, so he wanted to let his actions speak for him. He wanted to show Edd he didn’t just love a rough, sexy fuck, but also slow, steady love-making. He wanted to make Edd as pleasured as possible, not to make himself feel good, but simply to make Edd feel good. Edd was an amazing, wonderful human being and partner, and he deserved to feel fantastic and receive pleasure.

After a while, Tord began searching for Edd’s favorite place: his prostate. If he hit it just right, he knew it’d help send Edd over the edge. It didn’t take too long for him to find out. When he did, Edd cried out loudly. His fists tightened around the bed sheet beneath him, and he snapped his eyes shut.

“Again!” he called out in need.

Tord repeated the motion, eliciting the same cry.

“Again!”

They continued like this for several seconds, before Edd stopped repeating himself.

“Tord,” he panted out, sounding like he was getting close.

Tord quickened his pace. His nails were digging into Edd’s sides, and he was letting out his own throaty moans.

“Tord, please.”

“Almost there, babe,” Tord mumbled, barely able to spit the words out. His head was in a lustful daze and he almost felt dizzy.

Tord moved faster, and he slowly slid one of his knees just forward enough to hit Edd’s dick. Edd cried out, and as Tord hit his prostate one last time, Edd crumbled.

Hearing Edd’s pleasured cries as he came was enough to send Tord over the edge, and he called out Edd’s name as he climaxed. When he was done, he pulled out and removed the condom off his dick. He threw it in the trash can next to Edd’s bed and handed Edd a towel off of Edd’s bedside table. Edd had collapsed onto the bed face-first, completely worn out. Edd took the towel and flipped over, wiping himself clean. Tord laid down beside him and planted a kiss on his right temple.

“How was it?” he asked, intrigued.

“Amazing,” Edd responded, fatigued. “That was so much more…passionate than usual.”

“It is a special night, after all.”

Edd nodded his head, just now remembering the reason why it was special. Tord noticed his face fall, and he leaned over on his left side and wrapped his arms around his partner.

“I’m so sorry, Edd. I’ll come back for you, I promise.”

He knew he couldn’t make promises. He hated himself for saying such a stupid thing.

“Really?” Edd asked curiously.

“Of course.” Tord tried to keep himself from flinching as he responded.

A small smile spread over Edd’s face, and he nuzzled his head into Tord’s chest. Tord pressed him close against him.

“I love you, Tord,” Edd said, placing a gentle kiss on the skin beneath him. Tord stiffened slightly, knowing he could no longer avoid this.

“Edd,” he started, feeling awkward. “I-I want to say it, too, because I feel it, but…I think it might kill me.”

Edd pulled back and locked eyes with his love. Tord’s eyes had just slightly started to wet with tears, and Edd could tell from just that that he meant what he was saying. He put his left hand on Tord’s check.

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand. Don’t strain yourself.” Though he was disappointed, he also knew leaving was really hard on Tord. He didn’t want him to get upset just to hear three words, words whose meaning he already felt in every thing him and Tord did together.

Tord smiled softly. “How was I ever lucky enough to have you?”

“Same way I got lucky enough to have you.”

They embraced once more, and it wasn’t long before they had both drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

~(*)~

Neither one of them slept well that night. They both woke up every few hours and would switch positions. If they woke up at the same time, they would whisper to each other, saying whatever endearing words popped into their heads. Neither of them would say it, but the only reason they weren’t sleeping was because the day was upon them. In several hours, Tord would get out of bed, pack his car, and leave, maybe forever. Their fun night was over, and in a few hours harsh reality would hit them. And they were both dreading it.

The last time they woke up was around five o’clock. Tord woke up first, though later he would look back on the night and question whether he really ever did fall asleep. He shifted his body slightly, trying to distribute Edd’s weight a bit more evenly across his body. Edd was laying on his chest, and his right hand was intertwined with Tord’s left. Edd stirred, letting out a quiet, tired groan and moving his head slightly. Seeing he was semi-conscious, Tord lightly ran his fingers through Edd’s hair. Edd hummed in quiet approval, nuzzling his face into Tord’s chest.

Tord felt several tears slip down his cheeks as he laid with Edd. How could he leave this all behind for good in a few hours? He knew he shouldn’t, but he let that pang of doubt from earlier come back into his mind. And as he laid with his lover in a dark bedroom, he realized he had made the wrong choice. He guessed he’d always kind of known it, but he hadn’t cared until he fell for Edd. Of course world domination was a terrible and wrong thing to do, of course he would have to hurt and kill millions of people to achieve this selfish, megalomaniac desire. It’d never bothered him, not once.

Edd had softened him, made him see the good in people. Before Edd, Tord had hated humans and humanity, which was partially why he didn’t care if people suffered for his benefit. Then Edd, a genuinely good, kind person came into his life. And he cared for him. He didn’t care that Tord hated people and was deeply cynical about them and life in general. He didn’t care that Tord had been smoking since he was thirteen and doing illegal activities since he was ten. He didn’t care that Tord had killed before, that he had an unhealthy love of guns, that he thought world domination sounded like “fun.” He had accepted all of that and even embraced it, but he had also seen past it to the parts of Tord’s soul that he tried to hide from the world. And he had embraced those, too.

Edd had made life a lot more positive for Tord. He made every day more fun and adventurous. He was always finding crazy things for him and the others to do. But even when they were just sitting at home, playing video games or watching terrible movies, Tord still enjoyed it so much more thanks to Edd. Edd had made life a lot more worth living for Tord, and that was something Tord was eternally grateful for. And now, he was about to throw it all away.

Tord brought the hand that wasn’t in Edd’s hair up to his mouth, trying to muffle the strained sobs trying to escape his throat. Tears started pouring down his face, and his body shook. He was surprised Edd didn’t notice any of it, but Edd had already fallen back asleep. He wanted to reverse this all, go back to the beginning of his and Edd’s partnership and just discontinue his plans. He knew he could just not leave in the morning, just stay here and let it rot away. But he felt like he’d already made his choice, and he now had to live with the consequences. Besides, even if he did stay, it was inevitable that eventually Edd and the others would find out about the robot, about Tord’s plan, and they would never forgive him after that. Just knowing he’d gone so far and gotten so close to betraying them would be enough of a betrayal for them—especially Edd. No, Tord had already made his choice, and it was too late to turn back now.

He moved his hand away from his mouth for several seconds, trying to gather enough composure for what he wanted to say.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. Once the words had escaped, his sobs started again as a strike of heartache hit him hard. He put his hand back on his mouth and cried for at least half-an-hour, before he fell asleep from exhaustion.

~(*)~

How anything got done that morning, Tord would never understand. Somehow he managed to worm his was out of bed at seven and immediately begin packing his car. Edd had stayed in bed longer, not wanting to witness the process of it all. Tom and Matt had also refused to wake up that early, agreeing they would get up shortly before Tord actually departed to send him off. Edd laid curled up in bed, trying his hardest not to cry. He knew if he started now, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and he couldn’t do that until after Tord left.

By about eight o’clock Tord had almost finished packing his car. Tom and Matt dragged themselves out of their rooms, though both of them were fully dressed for the day. Edd came outside last, trying to prolong the inevitable. He also knew that Tord would want to say goodbye more privately, which he did. Tord came back inside one last time shortly before Tom and Matt got up. He went into Edd’s room to find his lover standing fully dressed in the middle of the room, eyes downcast. Tord headed directly towards him and embraced him in an emotional hug. Edd hugged him back, biting his lip to keep tears from falling. Tord didn’t resist his, though, even sniffling several times. After several minutes, Edd pulled back and looked Tord in the eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered in a sorrowful tone.

“I…” Tord tried to start. “Right back atcha.” It was the dumbest thing he could have said, but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t say what he really wanted to.

Edd seemed to understand that, a sad smile spreading across his face at Tord’s words. They leaned in and kissed softly for several moments. They pulled back eventually, then dove in for one last peck, before finally separating. They both physically distanced themselves from the other, taking several steps backwards. With a pained glance, Tord turned around and opened the door, heading back outside to his car. Edd followed several seconds later after recollecting himself.  
It took all of Tord’s strength, but finally he was able to slam the trunk closed. He turned around to face his friends one last time. He walked over to Matt and gave him a solid hug. He was going to miss Matt—he really had been a good friend all of these years. He shot a glance at Tom, who had his arms crossed and looked impatient for Tord to leave. Tord glared, but as he turned his head away, his face fell and a look resembling concern crossed his face. It was an expression that Tom would spend hours puzzling over in the coming years, and he wouldn’t find the answer until after the Incident. But for now he just felt unnerved.  
Tord climbed into the driver’s seat. As he turned to close his door, he caught Edd’s eye one last time. Edd was on the verge of breaking, but he was holding it together for him.

 _Thank you, Edd_ , he thought to himself. He flashed Edd a small smile, then closed the door. With a heavy sigh, he shoved the keys into the ignition and turned the car on. And, just like that—well, after reversing into Tom slightly out of spite—Tord was gone. The three watched his car disappear down the street. Tom felt so glad to have him out of his life finally, and all he wanted to do was celebrate. But then he remembered Edd, and he looked over at his dear friend. Edd was barely holding back the sobs at this point, and Tom knew he needed some time to himself. He put his hand on Edd’s shoulder and led him inside, directing him to his room so he could have some space.

The rest of the day, and for many nights following that day, all Tom could hear from Edd’s room were muffled, heart-broken sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! I'll be pretty busy with work the next few days, so the next update might be a bit slow (like this one). Also, I actually have a good amount of editing to do on the next one, so that might delay it, too. Thanks for your patience :)


	12. Hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: not real chapter. Sorry for the deception :(

Hey y'all! Sorry about the slow updates! Work has been crazy and my mental health has been poor lately. For those reasons, I am going to hold off working on the story for the next week. I only have a few more days of work, and I really want to focus my energy on feeling good and being energetic right now. Once I'm home at the end of the week, I'll start working again. Thanks for hanging in there guys. Love y'all <3


	13. Insecurity and Insensitivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd is really confused about his feelings, but when he tries to talk them over with Tom, things quickly go downhill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have returned! The hiatus is over, though I will leave that old "chapter" up because I want access to some of the comments. Thanks for being patient everybody! 
> 
> Also, this is present day again.
> 
> (Pst, doesn't this chapter title sound like the name of a Jane Austen book?)

Edd stumbled through the doorway into his apartment, exhausted. He dead bolted the door behind him as he leaned against the it for support. He turned around to see the outline of Tom’s spiky hair illuminated by the light of the television. He dragged his feet over and stood behind the couch. Then, he wrapped his arms around Tom’s neck and buried his face into his friend’s soft spikes of hair.

“Well, hello,” Tom mumbled, leaning back into the awkward embrace. “How was your session?”

Edd grunted, but gave no other verbal response. Edd had been seeing a psychiatrist for the past two months to help him with…well, everything. Two sessions in, she had diagnosed him with PTSD and had warned him that he was likely to develop depression if he continued down the path he was on. She put him on some anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds, as well as recommended he continued his sessions with her. He decided to stick with them, and now he was going weekly. He spent the first few sessions after his diagnosis recounting everything that had happened with him and Tord: their relationship, the first heartbreak, the betrayal, the Incident, the aftermath. He purposefully left out some details, not wanting her to realize his ex-boyfriend/ former best friend was the infamous Red Leader that was all over the news lately.

Recently, they had just been talking about Edd’s life in general. Edd had been feeling much better the last month or so. The meds seemed to finally be kicking in and making a difference. While he still struggled to sleep, he no longer had nightmares, so he was now working on just getting enough sleep and falling asleep sooner. His mood had improved exponentially, too. He was much happier and energetic during the day, and he even sought out Matt and Tom to do things with most days. Matt and Tom were both happy to see their friend improving so much, and they loved getting to hang out with Edd again.

Edd’s panic attacks had been becoming less and less frequent, as well. He still had several a week when he first started his sessions, but now he rarely ever had them. On the rare occasion he did have a nightmare or came across something that triggered him, Tom would help calm him down as usual. But he had improved so much that he could actually watch the news stories on the Red Leader. He still struggled to pay full attention to them, and he could only look at photos or video footage of Tord for so long, but still, it was leaps and bounds of improvement from his initial point.

The one downside to Edd’s treatment was that it did cost money, and unfortunately, Edd’s health insurance was somewhat shitty and didn’t pay for a good portion of it. Edd wanted to get a job so he could stop asking his parents to pay the bills, but his psychiatrist had recommended he focus on recovery now and worry about getting into the work world later. Edd had agreed, but he still spent several evenings a week looking for potential jobs he could get once he was well enough to work. Matt had gotten a job several months ago to support himself with, and Edd knew Tom was looking for one, too.

Tom spent most of his days in Edd’s apartment now. He came over for breakfast with Matt almost every morning, and he stayed over late into the evening after they all finished hanging out for the day. When Matt didn’t work, he would spend the day with Edd: sometimes they would actually do things together, like watch TV or play video games, and other days they would silently sit together and work on things separately. Edd had started drawing cartoons again for the first time in a long while, and Tom was either playing music or playing his own video games. Even on those types of days, they both loved the other’s company. Some nights, Tom wouldn’t even go home. He would stay over and try and help Edd fall asleep, which in the past week or two had resulted in them curling up on the couch until they lost consciousness.

“That good, huh?” Tom said sarcastically, closing his eyes. He let his mind drift away as he enjoyed the closeness of his best friend. Tom knew he shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as he was, but smothering your feelings for someone is a lot harder than it may seem. After almost a year of raw emotions and nursing each other’s wounds, they had drawn almost inseparably close. They had both seen sides of the other than they never would have imagined existed. Over time, they both had transcended cuddling and soft touches just for comfort purposes and had become much more casual touchy friends. At first it didn’t strike Tom as odd, just a natural progression in their friendship. And then the butterflies started. And the blushing. Then Tom knew he was screwed.

And of course there was the Valentine’s Day incident. He knew he shouldn’t think about that night, especially not since he and Edd had agreed to forget about it. Regardless of whether or not Edd had feelings for him, he would never be interested in a relationship. Edd had already had his heart crushed by one best friend, and it had nearly destroyed him. He wouldn’t be that open ever again, and Tom fully understood that. He was content with just being Edd’s best friend.

He couldn’t deny that he was enjoying Edd’s cuddliness today, though. After Valentine’s Day, they had agreed to be less cuddly with one another. But today, Edd was apparently disregarding that agreement. Edd unraveled his arms from around Tom’s neck and pulled back. Tom sat up again, watching as Edd sat down next to him. Edd immediately leaned his head on Tom’s shoulder, and Tom wrapped his arm around Edd and placed his head on top of his friend’s.

“You tired?” Tom asked.

Edd hummed in approval.

“Want me to order Chinese food for dinner?”

“Yes, please,” Edd murmured exhaustedly.

“You want your usual order?”

“Yes, please,” Edd repeated.

“Alright. Well, if I’m going to order, I have to get up and grab my phone.”

Edd made an indignant noise of disapproval. He turned onto his right side and threw his left arm across Tom’s body, as if trying to hold him down.

“Really?” Tom asked condescendingly.

“Really,” Edd muttered into Tom’s hoodie.

“You’re such a child,” Tom grumbled, but he just placed his right arm atop Edd’s left. Edd wormed his left hand upwards until he reached Tom’s hand. Then, he intertwined their fingers and hummed happily, nuzzling into Tom’s neck.

“You’re awfully cuddle today,” Tom remarked, trying not to sound too pleased.

Edd just shrugged using his one free shoulder. They sat like that for several minutes, the only sound in the room coming from the television. A rerun of Doctor Why was on, a show Tom greatly disliked, but he had really only been half paying attention to it anyway. He had been deep in thought for most of the time Edd was gone. As Tom was slowly becoming engulfed in his thoughts again, he felt an odd, slight pressure on his neck. It almost felt like…lips?

Tom froze and glanced down at Edd. “Uh, Edd,” he started hesitantly. “Did you just—?”

He was cut off by Edd suddenly sitting up, causing them to untangle themselves from each other. Edd looked directly into Tom’s eyes, making him feel nervous.

“Um, Edd?”

Without warning, Edd leaned forward and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips gently against Tom’s. Tom’s body tensed, completely taken by surprised. He had no idea what to do. He wanted to respond, show Edd that he wanted this, but he couldn’t believe Edd was doing this just of his own volition. Was he drunk? He never really drank, especially now that he was on medication. But Edd also wouldn’t just kiss him for no reason.

Tom pulled back slowly and put his hand on Edd’s shoulder. Edd looked down at him, confused and nervous.

“D-did you not want that?” he asked shakily.

“No, I-I mean yeah, I did, but I….” Tom stopped and took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts. “I thought you didn’t want to get involved like this.”

“I…I don’t know,” Edd said, blushing profusely. “I’ve been thinking a lot since last month. I know I care about you as more than just a friend, but…I don’t know. I’ve just had the urge to do that since… _that_ night and so I just…did.”

“Oh,” Tom said, awkwardly fiddling with his hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“No, you’re fine, Edd. I wanted it, too.”

“But I don’t even know if I want this. I shouldn’t want this. I should know better. But my heart screams that it wants this.”

Tom blushed a deep cherry red as Edd continued speaking. So, Edd really does want him?

“Edd. I’ve always known we couldn’t be together.”

“I know,” Edd mumbled quietly.

They sat in silence for a moment, unsure of how to continue. Finally, Tom spoke up, nervous about Edd’s reaction to his next words:

“If you want this, though, don’t stop yourself from being happy.”

“Tom…”

“I know you’re scared. But you deserve to be happy, Edd.”

Edd squeezed Tom’s hand as he stared down at their intertwined fingers, deep in thought. Tom was afraid that he was sounding too pushy. He didn’t want to persuade Edd into anything. He just hated to see him so conflicted. And he wanted him to be able to move past the damage Tord caused, to not pass up opportunities because of the fear of getting hurt.

After several beats of silence, Edd finally spoke up. “Do I?” he asked hesitantly.

“Edd, please don’t do this. Of course you deserve to be happy.”

“Why do you— “

“Edd, please, stop. Don’t drag yourself into this hole. Not tonight.” They were both too tired and emotionally high-strung to deal with self-loathing and guilt tonight. They can talk about Edd’s feelings for him without including self-hatred.

“I…I just can’t genuinely believe you’d want to be with a royal fuck-up like me.”

“Please, Edd, stop beating yourself up. You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Of course I did!”

“Ok, fine! You fucked up!” Tom snapped, his voice louder than he had wanted it to be. He was usually rather patient with Edd, especially during episodes like this. But there were too many thoughts and emotions coursing through his brain to keep him calm tonight. “So what, though? That was a year ago, Edd! You can’t keep beating yourself up over this!”

“Yes, I can! I hurt people, Tom! I nearly got you killed!”

“But you didn’t! I’m still here and I’m fine. And so are you and Matt. Why can’t you just learn from your mistakes and move on?”

Edd froze, his face falling into as close to a deadpan expression as he could manage. He stood up and took a step back from the couch, as if Tom had just slapped him and he wanted to get out of his range. Tom knew he had gone too far with that last comment, and Edd’s face and movements only confirmed that.

“Edd, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” His voice was back down to his normal speaking volume, if not lower.

“Oh, I think you did.” Edd was trying his best to keep his voice steady, not wanting to look like he needed comfort. “You finally let that guard of your’s down. Now the truth comes out.”

“Edd, really, I didn’t mean that. I just…I just want you to be happy, and holding onto this guilt and self-hatred is holding you back.”

“Did you mean any of it?”

“What?” The sudden change in topic threw Tom off. Edd stood up and curled his hands into fists, clearly trying to hold back tears.

“Did you mean any of it, any of this last year? All the kind words, the comforting, the encouragement. Or were you just trying to shut me up?”

“Ho-how could you even think I’d do something like that? Edd, you’re my best friend! Of course I meant it, of course I want you to get better!”

“’Best friend,’ huh? Seems like you want to be more than that. Was all of this so you could get in my pants?”

“What?” Tom’s face turned bright red, both from embarrassment and anger. “Now you’re just being ridiculous! I would never do something like that! I’m not some manipulative jerk! Besides, _you_ just kissed _me_!”

“Because I thought you were different!”

“Stop!” Tom threw his arms up in the air, frustration and exhaustion overriding his brain. “Just, stop. Please. I can’t take this anymore.” Tom buried his face in his hands, hunching his back over as he rested his elbows on his knees. He sighed heavily, rubbing his hands over his face in the hopes of calming himself down.

“Edd, none of this has been a hoax. I do care about you, both platonically and romantically. I want you to feel better and to be able to just lead a happy life.”

He sighed again, hating to dredge this next part up, but knowing it was necessary.

“Look, remember that Christmas a few years back? The one where I went on a rampage? I hurt a lot of people that night, even killed a few. And that was all my fault, it was all me. Do you know how much the thought of all the pain and suffering I’d caused kept me up, night after night? I can’t remember how many nights I just laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling and hating myself for all the damage I’d done. But I had to move on from that, to move on with my life. I accept that I did all of it and that it was a horrible thing to do. I’ve come to terms with it, and I’ve learned from that mistake. I have to keep living my life, Edd. I can’t let one drunken, horrible mistake eat me alive for the next seventy years.”

There was a pause before Edd spoke, as if he were letting Tom’s words fully sink in. Then he quietly spoke as he fell back onto the couch, “Tom, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so accusatory. It’s just hard for me to trust people now, you know?”

“I can understand that,” Tom said, raising his gaze to meet Edd’s eyes. “And I shouldn’t have lost my temper. It took me a long time to get over the shit I’ve done. I shouldn’t try to be rushing you to do it.”

“And I need to not be so self-deprecating.”

Tom smiled, putting a hand on Edd’s right knee. They had rarely ever fought before, and most of the time it was over trivial stuff. This was their first, big fight in all of their years of friendship, and yet they had solved it so quickly and quietly. Tom was beyond grateful for the smoothness of the resolution, even if it had required him to dredge up some bad memories.

“So, that just leaves us with one question: what are we going to do about us?”

“Oh, right,” Edd muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

“I’m open to trying this out if you are, but I also understand you may not be ready for a relationship. Especially considering the circumstances.”

Edd was silent for a few long seconds, deep in thought. Then:

“I think,” Edd started, shortly pausing to collect his nerves. “I think I’m ready to try and be happy.”

Warmth spread through Tom like a wildfire. He had finally gotten through to him. After almost a year, he had broken through the wall of ice that Edd had built up inside him. Tom knew now that everything was going to be okay. No matter how this ended, they would be okay. Edd would be okay.

“Thank you, Edd,” Tom whispered. He untangled their hands and wrapped his arms around Edd’s back, pulling him in for a warm hug.

“What for? Agreeing to date you?” he asked, half-joking, half-curious.

“No, for deciding to let yourself be happy again.”

Edd laid his head on Tom’s shoulder, a smile etched into his face. He was truly excited for the first time in a long, long while. He drew back after several seconds and put his right hand on Tom’s cheek. Tom leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and soaking up the warmth radiating off Edd’s skin. He turned his head slightly and kissed the palm of Edd’s hand, making Edd’s grin grow bigger.

“Remember how we agreed to forget about Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah,” Tom hummed, leaning his cheek against Edd’s hand again.

“I didn’t. I thought about it almost every night.” A blush darkened Edd’s cheeks as he confessed, whilst he stroked his thumb across Tom’s cheek.

Tom let out a light-hearted chuckle. “So did I. I replayed that evening over and over again every day.”

“What if Matt hadn’t walked on? Would we be here? Or would we have given up?”

“Who knows. And honestly, I don’t really care.” Tom’s grin grew, his eyelids falling and become half-lidded. “We’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

They both leaned forward in the same moment, closing the distance between themselves and meeting the others’ lips half-way. Tom had been dreaming of this moment for months, but he never thought it would actually come to fruition. Edd’s lips were so soft, and he swore he tasted a hint of strawberry chap stick on them. Tom slid his left hand into Edd’s hair, running his fingers through the incredibly soft strands. Edd hummed into the kiss, letting the hand on Tom’s face slide down to his chest. This was so soft, so sweet. So much more than he ever could have imagine.

They both broke away for air after several minutes. They both wanted more, but knew they needed to take things slowly, for both of their sakes. Tom did not want to throw himself head first into this and get carried away too easily, while Edd wanted to pace himself for his own protection. He refused to make the same mistakes that he had made with Tord. And lettings things move to fast was definitely one of those mistakes.

“Tom, I know this is kind of sudden and awkward, but I feel like I should tell you upfront.” Edd fiddled with the drawstrings of his hoodie absent-mindedly, embarrassed at his next words. “I’m not really interested in sex anymore.”

Tom just blinked, his expression unchanged. “Okay, that’s fine, Edd.”

“Sorry if that puts a damper on things. I mean, I don’t even know if you are attracted to me like that, but I— “

“Edd, it’s okay,” Tom interjected reassuringly. He gently slid his hand from Edd’s hair back down to his shoulder. “You don’t need to apologize for that. It’s your body and you have every right to not want that.”

Edd sighed. “I know, I…I really do apologize too much, don’t I?”

“A little bit. But it’s alright. Don’t stress about any of this. Let’s just enjoy our evening.”

Edd let a small grin spread across his face. “Sounds good.”

“So…Chinese?”

“In a minute,” Edd mumbled, laying his head on Tom’s chest. “I just want to lay here for a few minutes.”

Tom rolled his eyes. He knew Edd was going to fall asleep, but he really didn’t mind much. “Sure, Edd, whatever you say.”

He wrapped his arms around Edd, holding him against himself. It was only a matter of minutes before they had both fallen asleep. They never did get around to ordering dinner, but they didn’t care. Neither one of them felt more than happiness that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for your patience everyone! And to everyone who sent me messages or left sweet comments, thank you so much! I really appreciated every single one of them.  
> I am feeling somewhat better, but I am about to leave on a trip. I will have my laptop with me, so I hope to post another chapter or two (or three even) while I'm away.  
> And as always, thanks for reading!


	14. Not All Storms are Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Edd are left to their own devices for Valentine's Day, and things take a surprising turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Tbh, this is one of my favorite chapters. I always love re-reading it. Anyways, this is a quick jump in the past, about a month before the events of last chapter. Enjoy!

Rain was gently hitting the window pane, creating a soothing sound that could have easily lulled Edd to sleep. Edd was lying on the couch, his eyes half-lidded as the stormy day relaxed him. He was attempting to read a _Scott Pilgrim_ comic, but he was having trouble focusing, and his eyes kept accidently slipping closed. Finally, he resolved that he wasn’t going to make any progress like this, so he laid the comic across his chest and closed his eyes. He knew napping at six in the evening would result in him staying up all night, but right now he didn’t particularly care. Suddenly, though, he heard a soft chuckle from somewhere in the room.

“Tired already?” Edd recognized the teasing voice as Tom’s, so he didn’t bother to open his eyes to look at him.

“It’s this weather,” Edd mumbled, letting out a yawn as he finished his words.

Tom glanced out the window, then back at Edd. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Tom smiled down at Edd as he leaned against the back of the couch. Edd looked so peaceful when he slept, so innocent. Like nothing had ever gone wrong. This was the first time Tom had seen Edd fall asleep of his own volition since the Incident. Usually sleep was just several hours riddled with nightmares and heart-breaking memories. Even after Edd started taking his medication, he still felt nervous about going to sleep. But now, seeing him willing take a nap in the middle of the evening, Tom saw how much progress he had been making. He was overjoyed.

He also felt a flutter in his chest that was unrelated to his excitement over Edd’s improvement. Tom’s feelings for Edd had been gradually growing over time, much to his displeasure. They had been relatively easy to ignore while Edd had been struggling with the aftermath of Tord, as he had needed to be his support system. Now, though, Edd was improving and able to take care of himself most days, and Tom had every opportunity to remember why he had started falling for Edd in the first place. His kindness, his dumb sense of humor, the way he put his heart and soul into doing the things he loves. The way he loves with all of his heart, how loyal he is to Matt and Tom. He was basically everything Tord was not, which was why he never understood Edd’s attraction to him.

Tom felt a tug inside him, a sudden impulse that he had to restrain himself from acting on. He wanted to lean down and kiss Edd, but he curled his hands into the couch and squeezed tightly. He felt his stomach drop a little as he remembered why he couldn’t tell Edd how he felt, why he couldn’t try and make things work between them.

There was no way he could ask Edd to give him his heart after what Tord did. Edd had fallen head-over-heels for Tord, one of his best friends, and he had put all of his trust in the man. Then Tord ripped his heart out, trampled on it numerous times, before finally blowing it up with a giant robot. And that didn’t even include the PTSD and depression Edd had been facing thanks to him. No, Edd couldn’t trust another friend like that again, maybe not even anyone at all. Tom was not about to ask him to try, either. Tom had first-handedly witnessed what Edd and Tord’s relationship had done to him, and he refused to even imagine suggesting such a relationship between Edd and himself.

Without opening his eyes, Edd patted the couch lightly, inviting Tom to sit with him. Tom was shaken out of his thoughts by the movement, and he decided to shelve the thoughts for later. Not like he hadn’t already run through them ten thousand times before. He walked around the couch and stood by Edd’s feet. Edd raised his feet up, letting Tom slide beneath them to sit on the couch. Tom took a seat, lowering Edd’s legs once he was situated. He laid his right arm across Edd’s ankles, rolling his eyes as he noticed Edd’s socks, which were green and covered in a bacon strip pattern.

“Nice socks,” Tom jabbed, shooting a glance towards Edd’s head.

“Shut up,” Edd grumbled, lifting his right hand up and flicking Tom off. Tom chuckled, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

“Is Matt coming over tonight?” Tom asked, remembering that the ginger had mentioned something about hanging out this evening.

“I don’t know,” muttered Edd tiredly. “I thought he was going out with his new boy-toy.”

“Boy-toy?” Tom asked inquisitively, sitting up and looking at Edd.

“Yeah,” Edd said, his eyes still closed and voice unchanged. “He’s been seeing this guy for like three weeks. I don’t know if they’re dating or what not but Matt has been spending a good amount of time with him.”

“Huh,” Tom mumbled to himself. “Guess that explains why he hasn’t been around much lately.” Then another thought struck him suddenly. “Wait, Matt’s into guys?”

“Yep,” Edd replied. “He’s bi, like me.”

“Oh…wait, I didn’t know you were bi.”

“Yep,” Edd repeated, his tone still nonchalant. “I’m not surprised you didn’t know though, since I was into Tord for so long.”

Tom nodded, even though Edd couldn’t see him. Tom leaned back in thought, staring at the wall in front of him.

“I’m bi, too.”

“I can believe it. Tord was, too. But he mainly liked guys.”

“Wait,” Tom started, sitting up again and looking to Edd. “So we’re all bi.”

Edd opened his eyes, realization striking him. “Um, yeah, I guess we are….”

“Wow, this is just like some fucking gay sitcom.”

Edd burst out laughing at the comment. “Holy shit, you’re right,” he said once he finally calmed down.

Tom smiled down at him, relishing in the sound of his laughter. Edd picked up on the gentleness of the smile and blushed slightly.

“Well,” Tom said, breaking the silence that had begun to be a tad awkward, “I guess it’s just you and me tonight, then. What do you want to do?”

Edd shrugged, closing his eyes again. “Sleep,” he muttered, though he sounded much more awake then several minutes ago.

“Try again,” Tom said curtly. “If you sleep now, you won’t tonight and I do not want to stay up all night with you.”

“Who said you had to?” Edd asked. Tom blushed, realizing his slip up. Of course he didn’t have to spend the night with Edd—he could handle himself. He didn’t need Tom to keep him distracted and happy anymore.

“Come on,” Tom said, patting Edd’s legs so he would raise them. “I’ll cook us some pasta, then we can do something.”

“Alright,” Edd sighed, giving in to Tom’s idea. “I’ll start on the sauce while you boil the water.”

“Deal.” Tom tried to hide the smile on his face as he stood up and walked over to the kitchen.

~(*)~

“Ok, but what I don’t get is how I didn’t know about this.”

Edd and Tom were leaning against the kitchen counter, bowls of pasta in their hands as they shoveled mouthfuls of delicious noodles into their mouths. Edd had prepared a lovely marinara sauce from scratch, adding some chopped up spinach and yellow peppers in for added flavor. Tom gobbled down the meal, delighted and surprised by Edd’s wonderful mixture. He had never known that Edd had a cooking talent.

Edd looked up at him, confused. “About what?”

“About this.” Tom gestured to the bowl of pasta in his hands.

“Oh, yeah. I thought you were still fixated on Matt’s fuckboy.”

“No, though I still am confused how I didn’t know about that.”

Edd scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like you don’t space out frequently when we hang out.”

Tom blushed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Edd didn’t need to know why that kept happening.

Edd sensed the awkwardness and switched topics. “But yeah, I love cooking. I just don’t do it a lot. I usually don’t have the energy for it.”

“That’s fair,” Tom nodded in understanding. “But seriously, this is delicious. Thanks, Edd.” He flashed him a warm smile, and Edd felt his cheeks warm up slightly. He never did take compliments easily.

“No problem. It was fun. And thanks for making the pasta.”

“Psh,” Tom scoffed. “’Making’ it? More like throwing pre-packaged noodles into boiling water. Any moron can do that.”

“Still, it would have been easier to order pizza. But you offered to cook.”

“Well, I mean,” Tom rambled, searching for the right words. “It is a holiday. Why not do something a bit nicer?”

Edd raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re both single.”

Tom cheeks began blazing, the gravity of his words hitting him. “Doesn’t mean we can’t do something nice for ourselves, right?” he tried hesitantly in a nervous attempt to save himself more embarrassment. Man, he was really struggling to keep his cool tonight. Usually he was much calmer and composed than this.

Though Edd’s suspicion did not fade, he decided to drop the topic for Tom’s sake. “Guess you’re right,” he responded with a shrug. “Might as well treat ourselves every once in a while.”

“Amen to that.” Tom, blush now dissipating, picked up his flask from behind him on the counter and raised it up. Edd set his bowl down on the counter and picked up his water glass, and, with a pleased smile, clinked it against Tom’s flask. They both took sips of their respective drinks before setting them back down again.

“You know what?” Edd said after several beats of silence.

Tom hummed inquisitively, taking another bite out of his pasta.

“I’m kind of glad Matt went out tonight.”

Tom froze, his heartbeat accelerating.

“Why’s that?” he asked nervously.

“Matt loves Valentine’s Day, and he’d be so bored if he just spent the night with us instead of out dancing and having fun.”

“Oh, what, so we can’t have fun?” Tom feigned being taken aback.

“We’re eating pasta while listening to a Valentine’s mix on Pandora. So yeah, we’re boring.”

A light bulb went off in Tom’s head at Edd’s words. He had forgotten all about the quiet music they had playing in the background. If it wasn’t for a bit of liquid courage, he surely would have dropped the idea then. But, Tom had just enough alcohol and rushing adrenaline in him to make him brave. He set his bowl down on the counter and turned up the volume on Edd’s laptop, which was stationed next to him on the counter. The music was finally more audible, and Tom heard now that a slower ballad was playing. Tom grabbed Edd’s hand and drug him out into the middle of the apartment.

“Come on,” he said, a mischievous smile on his face.

“Tom, what are you doing?” Edd demanded as he reoriented himself.

“If that was too boring, then let’s have some fun. Let’s dance.” Tom’s face was slightly red and butterflies were buzzing in his stomach, but he ignored both of them. He reached out his left hand to Edd, an invitation.

Edd hesitated, unsure of how he felt about this. He had been picking up on the signs over the last month. Tom’s blushing, his little smiles when he and Edd would cuddle or hold hands, how often he’d been hanging around the apartment, even though Edd was functioning much better on his meds now. He’d tried to just ignore all of it. He couldn’t do it again, he just couldn’t. He didn’t think Tom would ever do anything like Tord did—but, then again, that had been the case with Tord, too. He knew Tom was well aware that they couldn’t be together, but accepting this dance felt like he would be accepting that Tom had feelings for him. And that was scary to think about.

Before he could really think his way through it all, a switch flicked off in his brain, and all of the thinking was muted and shoved into the back of Edd’s mind. He placed his right hand into Tom’s outstretched one. Tom smiled happily and intertwined their fingers. He put his other hand on Edd’s waist, making Edd blush. Though they had been cuddly and touchy the last few months, it had all stayed fairly contained: hugging, heads on shoulders, arms around shoulders, hand-holding. Waist felt like a more-intimate level, a level Edd hadn’t been on since he’d last been with Tord. Edd nervously put his left hand on Tom’s right shoulder. Tom looked up at Edd, seeing and feeling his nervousness.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he said softly, making Edd feel even stranger. Quiet voices, whispers, all of this was so much more intimate. It all reminded him of his nights with Tord, all the whispered sweet-nothings and soft kisses.

But Edd’s brain was still not in control, his adrenaline moving his body for him. He stepped forward, bring his face closer to Tom’s.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying to look calm.

“That’s not what I said. Do you want to dance or not?” Tom’s tone was more concerned than anything else. This might be too much for Edd, too overwhelming. Maybe this was a bad idea….

“I want to,” Edd answered curtly, feeling his face heat up as he responded. He felt butterflies moving in his stomach as his heart pounded in his chest. What was happening to him?

“Alright….”

Tom slowly began to move their bodies in time to the music. He would take a step forward, Edd would step one back. Their motions grew more and more fluid over time, both of them relaxing into the music as time went on. Occasionally, Tom would draw Edd in for a spin, then let him back out in a grand motion. That broke through the wall in Edd’s mind, and he let out a happy laugh as he spun out of the turn. Tom grinned softly, pleased that Edd was having fun.

When they weren’t twirling each other, the two friends were staring into each others’ eyes—Tom’s endless, dark, void-like eyes into Edd’s deep hazel ones. They both were blushing profusely, but they figured the other didn’t mind since they were blushing, too. Eventually, Tom stopped trying to hide his smiles and grins, and he settled for his soft, half-lidded grin as he looked at Edd. Edd’s heart started racing, the butterflies crashing widely against the walls of his stomach. Tom looked so...happy in this moment. His attention was one hundred percent on Edd, and his mind was blank as he stared into the gorgeous eyes of the man he’d fallen for. Edd’s mind was blank, too, but only because he had been knocked off kilter so much by Tom’s gaze. A million thoughts were trying to buzz through his head, but his nerves forced them downwards.

The song eventually ended and transitioned into an even slower song with soft female vocals. Tom took a step closer to Edd, his eyes still half-lidded and face plastered with a dumb grin. Edd’s arms folded up, and Tom sandwiched his left arm between their bodies. Edd felt Tom’s chest touch his, and his grip on Tom’s hand tightened.  
Tom looked up at him, his eyes back to their normal appearance and a look of concern covering his face. “Too close?” he asked.

Edd’s brain screamed ‘yes,’ but his mouth stayed silent. He knew this was a bad idea. The longer and longer this went on, the closer and closer they got, the clearer everything became. The more Edd couldn’t deny Tom’s feelings. The more Edd couldn’t pretend he didn’t have his own.

“No,” Edd whispered. Tom’s eyes widened, surprised by how much more intimate that drop in volume had made things. He simply nodded, unable to form coherent thoughts at the moment.

He bent down slightly and leaned his head against Edd’s shoulder. The arm on Edd’s waist slunk around Edd’s back and pressed him against Tom tighter. Edd closed his eyes and pulled in a shaky breath, trying to calm his thundering heart. They swayed together softly, hardly paying attention to whether or not they were on beat with the music. By the time the song was over, both of them had tuned out the music and were focused entirely on each other. Without thinking, the pair untwined their fingers to make use of their hands. Tom put his newly freed hand on Edd’s chest, while Edd slunk his around Tom’s back and pressed him even closer. Edd’s other hand moved around to the nape of Tom’s neck.

They could hear each other’s quickened breath, both nervous as their hearts pounded and blood rushed through them. Edd could feel Tom’s breath on his neck, and it sent shivers up his spine. Finally, Tom stood up straight again and inched his face ever so slightly closer to Edd’s. On impulse, Edd moved his closer, too. Tom made the move once again, leaning his forehead against Edd’s. They stared into each other’s eyes, their breath on each other’s faces.

“Edd,” Tom whispered, closing his eyes.

Suddenly, Edd’s front door swung open, and a familiar ginger stuck his head around the door frame.

“Don’t wait up guys!” Matt called hurriedly, but excitedly. “Drew came over and I think we’re gonna have some fun, don’t be surprised if I’m not around for breakfast tomorrow!” With that, Matt exited and slammed the door behind him, scampering down the hall to meet up with his lover.

Edd and Tom both stared wide-eyed at the just-closed door, shocked by the what they had just witnessed. They both turned back and looked at each other, suddenly realizing the position they were in. They untangled their arms from around each other and backed away several steps, neither one of them wanting to meet the other’s eyes.

“I’ll, uh, clean up the dishes,” Tom said after several painfully awkward seconds of silence.

“Yeah, o-okay,” Edd stuttered, his heart still beating too fast. He turned and headed towards the bathroom, eager to get a moment to himself and calm down.

He had just screwed himself over terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the sweet comments! They really make my day, and I can't say how happy it makes me to read them. Y'all really are too kind! I love y'all, and thanks for sticking with me <3 I'll try and post again in a few days!


	15. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd and Tom are both reeling from what just happened. And the time has come for them to sort it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This takes place directly after the previous chapter. Enjoy!

Edd emerged out of the bathroom. He had been in there for a least half-an-hour, judging by the time on the clock hanging over his kitchen counter. He had needed some personal time to decompress from recent events: namely, him admitting to Tom liking him and him liking Tom in return and them almost kissing. What on Earth was possessing him? He had sworn he would never do this again! Yes, he and Tom had been growing closer thanks to all of this Tord bullshit. Yes, he had grown to love Tom’s frequent presence, whether it be to hang out, eat a meal, or calm him down from a panic attack. Yes, he really loved cuddling with the man, feeling the physical manifestation of their strong emotional bond and fucking hell, how did he not see where this was going before? Edd had sat on the bathroom floor, back leaning against the bathtub, and curled his knees into his chest. He let out several tears of frustration before angrily wiping them away. How could he be doing this to himself again?

Tom was awkwardly sitting on the back of the couch and facing towards the bathroom door when Edd walked out. He had turned on the overhead light in the apartment, as night had finally fallen upon them. Edd felt his insides clench up just looking at his friend. This was wrong, so wrong. He slowly made his way over to Tom, stopping several steps away from him. The two friends stared at each other, each one waiting for the other to start.

Tom finally let out a long sigh and lowered his gaze to the floor, unable to look into Edd’s beautiful, kind green orbs right now. “Edd, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to let things get out of hand like that. That was really fucking selfish of me.”

Edd’s mind drifted back to the last time he had discussed selfishness with someone, when he had called Tord selfish for starting their relationship. The tables sure have turned….

“No, Tom, that wasn’t your fault. I…” Edd sighed, dreading the next few words he knew he needed to say. “I was equally at fault for all of it.”

Tom looked up at him, surprised by his words. “But I was the one who suggested we dance, I kept pushing us closer—“

“Yeah, but you kept checking in with me. And I never once said no. I could have stopped things wherever I wanted, I just didn’t…I didn’t want to.” He whispered the last four words, a blush stealing his face. He averted his gaze from Tom, hating to admit that any of this was happening. That he was doing exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do again.

Tom sighed. He knew Edd would be upset about this. Why did he let himself push things so far?

“Edd, I know you can’t do this again. And I don’t want you to. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Edd murmured, gaze still locked on the floor. “You make me really happy, Tom. And so does Matt. And my meds.” Tom let out a small chuckle at that, glad Edd was trying to have a bit of a sense of humor about this. “I trust you with my life, Tom, but I can’t trust you with my heart. Nor anyone else.”

“I know, Edd.”

“It’s nothing personal.”

“Edd, I know. I’ve always known. And I understand.”

Edd raised his head and locked eyes with Tom once more. Frustration was boiling up under his skin, and he was struggling to keep it maintained. Why did Tom seem to understand him better than he did?

“How? How are you this understanding?” Edd snapped, unable to hold everything in. “You always understand me and how I feel and how the situation is. You always know everything I feel and think before I say it. How? How do you know me this well?”

Edd felt bad for lashing out at Tom like this. He felt like he was betraying some sort of trust, an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t fight. But his frustration, which was more directed at himself than Tom, in actuality, was still too rampant to make him feel much guilt. To his surprise, Tom had that safe soft grin on his face from earlier, the one that made the butterflies go insane and Edd’s heart rate accelerate way too fast.

“That’s what happens when you go through hell with someone. You get to know them pretty damn well.”

Edd froze, letting Tom’s words sink in. He drooped his head, the guilt starting to settle in on him more as his frustration began to dissipate. “Why are you so kind to me, Tom? I just yelled at you for no reason and you just took it in stride. You spend all your time with me, you held my hand through fire, you helped me fix myself. Why do you stick around with all this drama and depression and shit?”

Tom stood up and closed the space between him and Edd. Edd was scared he was going to attempt a hug or some other physical intimacy, which at the moment he really could not handle. Instead, he was greeted with a hand on his left shoulder, a very light touch. “Because I love you, Edd. You and Matt.” Realizing the gravity those words held, considering the recent events, Tom stammered to correct himself quickly. “A-as friends, of course. I love you both as friends. You two are my best friends, and I would never just abandon you because times got tough.”

Edd smiled, raising his head to meet Tom’s face. “Thanks, Tom. I love you, too. And Matt. Man, we need to hang out with him more. I feel like we keep leaving him out of stuff.”

Tom grinned smugly, returning to his usual self. “It’s not our fault he’s busy fucking some guy and has a real job. Plus, I think he kind of just inserted himself into that last ‘hang out.’”

Edd’s eyes widened in horror as he realized what that meant. “Shit, he saw everything. He probably thinks we’re dating now. Fuck….”

Tom chuckled, taking his hand off of Edd’s shoulder. “Calm down, Edd. It’s Matt. I doubt he really gives two shits. Plus, he was kind of in a hurry.” His face fell a bit, deciding to return to their serious conversation since the topic had re-arisen. “Listen, Edd, let’s just forget this happened. I won’t be as touchy with you as before, and I’ll do a better job at smothering my feelings.”

Edd knew this was the right thing to do. Leave it all behind and move on, not get himself tangled in this situation again. But he couldn’t help but feel his stomach drop a bit at Tom’s words.

“Sounds good. I’ll do the same. Thank you, Tom…for everything.”

“Of course. Hug?”

“Hug.”

The two wrapped their arms around each other and pulled themselves together. Edd kept repeating the mantra “this is for the best” in his head, while a tiny, deviant thought rang out louder than a bullet:

_Don’t smother your feelings, Tom. Please don’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading/commenting, kudos-ing, as always! Also, thank you everyone for all the sweet comments you posted last time! I'm so happy you all loved that the boys were all bi! 
> 
> Sorry this one is somewhat short, but the majority of the rest of the chapters are pretty long. Anyways, see you all again soon with another chapter!


	16. Another Time, Another Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On that same holiday, years ago and in another place, another romance was unfolding...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So this isn't too much plot development. It's more about exploring Edd and Tord's relationship and serves as a parallel between their romance and Tom and Edd's. Also, it's NSFW. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

“Wow, smooth,” Edd grumbled as he surveyed the new mess on his carpet. There were candy hearts everywhere, thanks to Tord pulling the bag open too eagerly.

“Fuck off,” Tord grunted in response, sliding off the office chair he was sitting in and getting on his hands and knees to pick up the spilt candy. “It’s not even like these are that good, anyway.”

“Then why did you buy them?”

“I thought you liked them!” Tord said, swiveling his head around to stare down his partner.

“What? No. Those things are tasteless and boring.”

Tord rolled his eyes but didn’t retorted, returning his focus to the little pink and red hearts dotting the carpet. Edd watched him, not bothering to offer to help. As he watched, a thought popped into his head. He smirked and propped his feet up on Tord’s empty seat.

“You know, that’s a good look for you, Tord.” His voice was laced with mischief.

Tord looked up again, confused. “What’s a good--?” He stopped himself as he realized what position he was in. A smirk spread across his face. “Good one, Edd. Getting a bit braver, I see?”

Edd blushed, swiveling his chair around so that he was facing his computer. The duo hadn’t had sex a lot before, but every time Tord had been on top. Edd was always a bit too nervous to try, afraid he would screw something up and kill the mood. Tord seemed ready to be patient with him and go slow, but he also knew Tord liked things rougher and more fast-paced. And being dominant. He really loved having dominance.

Tord stood up, finally having collected all of the ridiculous candies, and he tossed them into the trashcan under Edd’s desk. He looked down at Edd, trying to gauge his facial expression. He was still embarrassed by Tord’s comment, and he tried to avoid Tord’s gaze. Tord leaned over and rested his chin on Edd’s head, placing a small kiss on the top of his head.

“I’m just joking, Edd. You don’t have to top if you don’t want to,” he said in a gentle voice.

“I know,” Edd mumbled, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of his partner.

“I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s alright. I’m fine.”

“Then why are you being so quiet?”

Edd didn’t respond. He just kept his eyes closed. Tord didn’t know what to do to make him feel better, so he decided to just try and keep rolling with the evening. He stood upright again and walked over to Edd’s computer, forcing Edd to remove his legs from Tord’s chair. He opened Edd’s iTunes library and clicked on the playlist he had made for this specific evening. A catchy new pop song came on, filling the room with its rhythmic beat. Tord turned around and extended his left hand to Edd, a smile on his face.

“Dance with me?” he asked.

Edd finally looked up at him, and as he realized what song was playing, a grin grew across his face. He grasped Tord’s hand and let him pull him up. Tord kissed the top of Edd’s hand. He wanted nothing more than to tackle Edd right there and kiss him all over, but he knew he needed to restrain himself.

He felt like too much of this…arrangement…was physical interaction. He was beginning to worry they were turning into exactly what both of them had hoped to avoid: fuckbuddies. Edd had expressed the same concern several times before, most recently after they had sex the previous weekend. They had been lying in bed together, having cleaned themselves up. Tord was holding Edd this time, Edd’s head resting on Tord’s chest. Out of the blue, Edd had whispered:

“Tord?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think we focus too much on, you know, physical stuff?”

Tord opened his eyes and raised his head a bit, more alert now. “Like, what, material possessions?”

“No no, like, in our relationship. I just feel like all we do is make-out and have sex.”

“Oh…” Tord mumbled in realization. “Yeah, I’ve definitely been thinking about that.”

“I know we’re not dating, but we didn’t start this just to fuck.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Maybe we should work on showing more of the emotional side of things?”

“Yes, we should try that.”

Making this playlist was one of Tord’s first contributions to that agreement. And making Edd breakfast that morning. Unfortunately, Tom had yet to leave the house when Tord started his preparations, and he became disgusted when he came into the kitchen to find Tord cooking at 7:30 in the morning.

“Edd hates blueberries, you know,” Tom spat as he intently watched Tord making pancakes, sipping his coffee lightly.

Tord grunted, annoyed that he had wasted all that time putting the blueberries into the pancakes. No matter, though, this was fixable. Tord smirked, deciding to jab at Tom a little bit.

“At least he has someone to make him breakfast on Valentine’s Day. Of course, you seem to be quite a willing candidate, too.”

Tom rolled his eyes, fed up with Tord teasing him about his supposed crush on Edd. He took a longer swig of his coffee, trying to not let himself get flustered.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” Tom muttered to himself. In just an hour he would be on his way to catch a train to London, where he would spend the night with his family.

“Aw, you don’t want to hear all of the great sex Edd and I will be having?” Tord groaned in fake disappointment. He noticed Tom’s grip on his coffee mug tighten, and his smirk grew wider.

Tom didn’t respond. He just walked out of the room, having no problem with biting the bullet on this little spat.

Back in Edd’s room, Tord lightly pulled Edd closer to him before releasing his hand. Tord starting moving his body to the beat of the music, which was a strange feeling for him. He normally was not much of a dancer, especially when it came to pop music like this. He could slow dance, though that also felt awkward. He looked over to Edd and saw him standing there, unsure of how to start and what to do. Tord pulled him in closer, grabbing his hand once again. Their noses almost touched each other, and Edd felt his heart rate accelerate. Tord continued to move his body, swinging his arms and his hips in rhythmic motions. Edd slowly began to mimic his movements, though the whole hip thing felt very awkward. He eventually got used to the beat, and he stopped mimicking Tord and found his own moves to do.  
The two danced like this for several songs. Edd got swept up in the music, after the initial awkward phase had ended. Tord watched him as he swung his hips, a huge smile on his face. His brown eyes gleamed, but not in the usual way he was accustomed to seeing. This wasn’t attraction or lust: this was genuine happiness. Tord couldn’t help but start to feel it, too. A smile broke out over his face as fell, and he let all of his thoughts fizzle out. Tonight was not the night to be dwelling on anything serious.

After several songs, the duo began to feel fatigued. They both were starting to sweat, and Edd needed something to drink. He grabbed his can of cola off his desk and took a long swig, offering the can to Tord afterwards. Though Tord usually was not a fan of cola, he took several small sips, desperate to rehydrate himself somehow. As he set the can back on the desk, he looked at the playlist to see what song they were at.

“Want something a bit slower?” he asked Edd as he realized the next five or so songs were more lively dancing songs.

“Sure,” Edd said, still catching his breath.

Tord picked the first slow song on the playlist. He then returned to Edd and held up his left hand. Edd put his right hand up against it and intertwined their fingers. Tord smiled softly as he put his free hand on Edd’s waist, and Edd placed his left hand on his partner’s shoulder. The two slowly began swaying to the music as they stared into each other’s eyes. One of Tord’s favorite things about Edd’s physical self had always been his eyes. They were a gorgeous light green color, and, though he couldn’t explain it, they felt very deep to him. Tord normally had no problem with looking people in the eye, but when he did so with Edd, he felt like Edd could see into his soul.

Edd took a step forward and laid his head on Tord’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into Tord’s neck. Tord’s smile grew, and he turned his head and planted a gentle kiss to the top of Edd’s head.

“Thank you for giving me a chance, Edd,” he mumbled, leaning his head atop his partner’s.

Edd grinned against his neck, planting a soft kiss against the skin. “You just had to steal my heart, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. But you stole mine right back.”

Edd didn’t respond, but Tord could almost feel the wheels turning in his brain. He knew exactly what he was up to.

“Do not try and think of a bad pan to ruin this.”

“Aw, you’re no fun,” Edd pouted.

Tord picked his head up and looked down at Edd, but Edd, too, stood upright. They looked into each other’s eyes, both with happy grins on their faces. Edd released Tord’s hand and moved his arms around Tord’s torso, pulling him in for a close hug. Tord followed his lead, wrapping his own arms around Edd and bringing them closer. They stayed pressed together for a minute, before they both pulled back and looked at one another. They moved at the same time to close the distance, pressing their lips softly against each other’s.

They broke away right as the songs changed, an idea occurring to Tord. He unraveled his arms from around Edd, and, gently grasping Edd’s arms, he turned Edd around. He pulled him close against him, Edd’s back pressed up against his chest. He snaked his arms around Edd’s front, crossing his arms and letting his hands rest near Edd’s hips. Edd leaned back into Tord, soaking up the body heat of the other. Edd put his hands atop of Tord’s, as he was unsure what else he could do with them in this position. The duo swayed lightly to the calm ballad that was playing. Both of them had their eyes closed and were just enjoying the moment.

Tord eventually got a little antsy, as he often did, so he preoccupied himself with spattering kisses all over Edd. He started with his head, slowly trailing down to the nape of Edd’s neck. Edd hummed quietly, pleased with the contact. Then, Tord moved to the rest of Edd’s neck, twisting his head sideways so he could have more access. Edd leaned his head back to help him. Tord teased Edd by grazing his teeth along the skin, as if asking him if he could bring them into the mix. Edd responded by turning his head slightly and kissing Tord’s temple, which Tord took to mean “yes, go ahead.” He gently nipped at Edd’s neck, making Edd release a heavy breath. Tord took his time, being careful to slowly increase the intensity of his bites. As their strength increased, Edd began to moan longer and louder. They both could feel their hearts beating significantly faster than several moments ago, and Edd’s breaths came out in short pants. One particularly hard bite sent Edd reeling, and he moaned loud enough for the whole house to hear, had anyone else actually been there. He squeezed Tord’s hand tightly, reminding Tord of the placement of his hands.

He slid his hands out from under Edd’s and ran them gently up and down Edd’s thighs. As he looked down, he noticed a bulge forming in Edd’s sweatpants, causing a smirk to form on his face. He pressed his lips against Edd’s ear, licking a short line down the tender lobe. Tord could feel Edd shudder against him.

“I know we both agreed to focus more on emotions,” he started huskily, “but it’s Valentine’s Day and we’re home alone.”

“You don’t need to sell me,” Edd panted, opening his eyes halfway. “We can be emotional after sex.”

Tord smiled and kissed his temple, ready to pick up the pace. He bent down and returned to feasting on Edd’s neck, sucking tightly on a sizeable patch of skin. Edd let out a deep throaty moan, trying to restrain himself from thrusting his hips. Tord grabbed ahold of Edd’s thighs and grinded his hips against Edd’s ass. Tord moaned against Edd’s skin in pleasure as he dug his nails into Edd’s skin. Edd whimpered quietly and started grinding his hips, too, eager for more pleasure. Tord could feel himself growing stiff as he grinded himself against Edd, and his desire prompted him to suck harder.

He removed his left hand from Edd’s thigh and slid it underneath his sweatshirt and t-shirt. He continued until he found the soft nub he was looking for, and he pinched Edd’s nipple lightly. Edd arched his back off of Tord and groaned. Tord pinched again, this time more roughly, eliciting a deep and needy moan. He slid his other hand up Edd’s chest and rubbed the other nipple in circles, trying not to neglect it.

“Tord,” Edd moaned as he began grinding harder against Tord. Tord let out his own moan, relishing every second Edd’s ass rubbed roughly against his erection.  
Tord moved to the back of Edd’s neck and clamped down hard. Edd cried out, his nails digging into his sweatpants. Tord slipped his right hand back out from under Edd’s shirt and brought it into Edd’s pants. He easily pulled Edd out of the front of his boxers, making Edd hiss as such a sensitive area was touched. He wiped his thumb over the tip several times, Edd trembling from the stimulation. He then wrapped his hand around the cock and started pumping, grinding his own hips more roughly as he became more turned on.

Edd moaned and cursed as Tord pumped him, pleasure washing over him with every stroke. Tord stopped sucking on Edd’s neck and brought his lips up to Edd’s ear again, nibbling on the thin skin. Edd let out a whine, thrusting his hips in Tord’s hand.

Tord whispered in Edd’s ear, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Edd nodded, biting down hard on his lower lip.

“Do you think about me when you jack off? Or do I fuck you often enough that you don’t need to?”

Edd just nodded again, unable to form coherent thoughts at the moment.

Tord chuckled, a smirk taking hold. “You’re such a good guy, Edd.” He bit down roughly on Edd’s lobe, causing a loud cry to escape Edd’s throat. “I just want to eat you alive. And it seems like you want that, too.”

Edd nodded a third time, not even sure if that was a question or not.

“Well, then, get ready.”

Tord started pumping much faster, and he licked and bit at any skin his teeth could reach. Edd’s moans echoed throughout the house, as did the curses he shouted.

“Fuck! Holy fucking shit!”

He reached his arms around behind him and grabbed Tord’s waist digging his nails into his skin. Tord ignored the pain though, focused entirely on making Edd cum fast.

“You feeling it yet?” Tord asked gruffly after several minutes. Edd nodded, feeling the tightness in his stomach growing.

“Ask me to let you cum.”

Edd just whined, unable to focus on anything except his pleasure.

Tord stopped moving his hand and his hips, much to his own disappointment. Edd let out a much louder whine, thrusting his hips feebly into Tord’s hand.

“Ask,” Tord demanded roughly.

“Please, let me cum,” Edd panted, not even caring how demeaning this was. He knew Tord was just letting the control go to his head, but he was so close to the edge that he didn’t care.

Tord immediately resumed his motions, eager to finish Edd and eager to be finished himself. Shortly afterwards, Edd came, riding out his high as he cried out. That might have even been loud enough for their neighbors to hear. Tord threw his head back and let out a moan of his own. Watching and feeling Edd unravel before him, because of him, turned him on more than anything.

Without hardly resting, Edd removed Tord’s hand from his pants and turned around to face his partner. Tord wiped his hand on his trousers, figuring he had to wash them anyways next time he did laundry. Edd back Tord up against the nearest wall. He immediately began biting roughly at Tord’s neck, whilst his hand undid Tord’s jeans and pulled his erection from his boxers. Tord moaned loudly as he thrust into Edd’s hand. He realized how belittling this was, considering how he had just completely dominated Edd. But he was too desperate to care at the moment; besides, he knew Edd didn’t care about any of these power dynamics. He was doing this to make Tord feel good, just like Tord had done for him. Why shouldn’t he let himself enjoy it?

Edd pumped Tord’s cock fast, knowing this was just about pushing Tord over the edge. He raised his head up and roughly kissed Tord. The two men’s tongues sloppily collided, and Tord repeatedly bit Edd’s lip in an attempt to somewhat quiet himself. Edd brought his free hand to the top of Tord’s head and gruffly pulled on a clump of hair. Tord released his lip, arching his back and yelling Edd’s name.

Edd smirked, pleased at his new dominant role. “Whose enjoying it now?” he whispered haughtily against Tord’s lips. Tord narrowed his eyes and tried to look menacing, but another yank of his hair forced him into submission.

Tord wrapped his arms around Edd’s back and drug his nails into the fabric. “Edd, please hurry,” he panted breathlessly.

Edd pumped faster, sliding his thumb carefully over Tord’s shaft. Tord cried out, on the verge of collapsing. His knees shook and threatened to give out under him, but he forced himself to stay standing for just a few more seconds. With a final pump and hair pull, Tord lost control and called out Edd’s name. He balled his fists up tightly around the fabric of Edd’s sweatshirt, trying to stay upright however he could.

After the high wore off, he leaned back against the wall and let himself sink onto the floor, exhausted. Edd walked over to his bedside table and wiped his hand off with the towel he kept there. He then returned to Tord and sat beside him against the wall. Tord climbed into Edd’s lap and sat down, wrapping his arms around Edd. He laid his head on Edd’s chest and closed his eyes, relaxing to the sound of Edd’s beating heart. Edd pressed him against his chest. He ran one hand up and down Tord’s back soothingly, while the other played with the thick brunette locks on his head.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Edd,” he mumbled into the fabric of Edd’s jacket.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Tord,” Edd responded quietly, a content grin on his face.

“Remind me to give you your gift when we get up.”

“Gift? What, making me breakfast, dancing, and fucking wasn’t enough?”

“Nope,” Tord said, a silly grin on his face. “Memories fade. Gotta get you something that’ll last.”

“Well, that was deep,” Edd muttered. “Especially for you.”

“Deep like that hickey I gave you?”

“Shut the fuck up. At least I didn’t beg you to make me cum.”

“Oh, you didn’t? Because I distinctly remember—“

“Okay, okay, shut up, you asshole.”

Tord chuckled, placing a kiss on Edd’s covered chest. “I’m really grateful we got to spend this day together.”

“So am I,” Edd said, smile returning to his face.

“You mean so much to me, Edd.”

“And you mean a lot to me,” Edd responded.

“Don’t forget me when I leave, okay?”

“I don’t think I ever could.”

And he couldn’t. He would never forget Tord. But not in the way Tord would have hoped.

Tord let out a long sigh and climbed off Edd’s lap, opting to sit in front of Edd instead. Edd released his arms and crossed his legs, allowing Tord to sit closer to him.

Tord looked at Edd, straight into his soft green eyes that were twinkling with curiosity. He forced himself to swallow his pride. He needed to be honest with Edd. As honest as he could be.

“Edd, I don’t know how to open up to people,” he began in a quiet, meek voice. Edd’s eyes widened, startled by Tord’s tone and his words. Tord was never so gentle and modest.

“All I know how to do is fuck,” he continued. “I know how to make people feel good and how to make myself feel good. That’s why I always chose one-night stands over relationships.”

Edd leaned forward and grabbed Tord’s hands, holding them in his own.

“I don’t know how to let people in and show them a more emotional side. I’ve always been such a cold person, it seemed useless to do it anyways. But you changed me, Edd. You made me such a warmer person.”

Edd squeezed his hands, his heart swelling with happiness. He had helped Tord. He had made Tord a happier person.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Tord started, trying to end his rambling, “I think I focus so much on sex and pleasure between us because it’s what I know. I know how to make you feel good. I’m not gonna screw that up. But…I can screw up other stuff. Emotional stuff.”

“Tord.” Edd had a sad grin on his face, but he didn’t break eye contact with his partner. “I know opening up is hard for you. But you just did it.” He squeezed Tord’s hands again. “You just opened up to me about what’s bothering you. You can do this.”

“I just don’t want us to be fuckbuddies, like we agreed. I keep saying I want more, but then I initiate all of this…sexy stuff.”

Edd laughed lightly at the term “sexy stuff.” “It’s okay, we’ll work on it. It takes time to develop the emotional side of things, and we’re both still kind of new to this. We’ll figure it out.”

Tord let a soft smile cross his face. Edd squeezed his hands one more time, this time to create a sense of reassurance.

“Tord…” Edd began hesitantly. Tord quirked his eyebrow curiously. “Can we be honest for a minute?”

“I thought we had already been doing that,” Tord said, blinking in confusion.

“Well, yeah, but…” Edd sighed, taking another deep breath to compose himself. “Okay, why are we not dating? I know you’re eventually going to leave and you have family stuff, but it seems like we’re already there without the official label.”

“Um….” Tord really had no response. Edd was right, but Tord still feared the commitment a real relationship would accompany. Sure, they were already kind of there, but somehow this felt safer to Tord. Calling Edd his boyfriend made him fear the hurt when it ended would be worse. He knew he was being dumb and paranoid but he was afraid. He was just so afraid, and it was almost paralyzing at this point.

“Tord?” Edd prompted when Tord hadn’t responded in a while. Tord snapped out of his thoughts, but he still didn’t have a good answer for Edd. Edd decided to attempt some guessing.

“Is it the commitment? Or the responsibility? Or do you just hate labels?”

Tord decided to just pick one, the one that was closest to the truth. “Commitment,” he mumbled, averting his gaze from Edd.

“Oh, okay,” Edd said, nodding. “Well then, I don’t want to force you into dating then. But can we agree that what we have is a sort of relationship?”

Tord nodded, knowing he couldn’t deny that. Since neither one of them wanted to be sex friends, then they definitely had to have some type of firmer relationship.

“Cool,” Edd said, before closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall. “Why don’t you go grab your gift before I pass out?”

“Did I seriously wear you out that much?” Tord asked as he stood up. He finally had snapped back into the present fully.

“That was quite a nice fuck you gave me. These hickies will be here for days.” He grazed his fingers over the multitude of blue marks that were forming on his neck.

Tord smirked, but his face quickly softened again. “Wanna watch a movie in bed after you open your gift?”

“Sure,” Edd yawned. “As long as it’s not Zombie Pirates from Hell IV again.”

“It’s a classic!” Tord exclaimed as he opened the door to get the present from his room.

“That we’ve seen four times in the past two weeks!” Edd called out after him. Tord didn’t respond, though he did love their petty bickering.

Edd closed his eyes once more, relaxing against his wall. Everything was going to be great. He and Tord were together and working out their issues. Valentine’s Day hadn’t been a disaster. They were happy.

They might actually be able to make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, back to plot development next time! Thanks as always for the lovely reads/Kudos/comments! 
> 
> Oh, also, so I have a question for y'all. I've got two chapters that are more smut/physical stuff. The next few chapters are pretty plot heavy/serious, so was curious if y'all would like more smut mixed in with serious stuff or just after all the serious stuff if over. Let me know!


	17. We All Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after the Incident, Tord is still struggling to come to terms with everything he has done. Finally, he makes a decision that changes his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the chapter where the self-harm/suicidal actions come into play. So, this is your official trigger warning: there is explicit self-harm and a suicide attempt in this chapter. If you are not comfortable reading that, feel free to jump to the end or leave a comment and I can tell you what you need to know. Thanks everyone :)

Thunder shook the walls, a streak of lightning just having lit up the sky mere seconds beforehand. Rain pounded against the roof and window panes. The office had a large bay window on the rear wall, behind where the desk was placed. A leather office chair was swiveled around to face the window, the man sitting in it staring out at the spectacle of nature. The clock on the eastern wall read two. Tord had no idea how’d it come to be two o’clock in the morning, but he no longer tried to understand things. Life would do with you whatever it pleased, and that was that.

Red streams of blood covered Tord’s left forearm, the sleeves of his red hoodie pushed up above his elbows. He had slipped off his blue military coat several hours earlier, when he had dismissed Paul and Patryk for the night. Blood droplets tinted his black jeans slightly darker where they had hit. A bloody knife laid in his lap, reminding him of what he’d just done. He knew he hadn’t cut deep enough to cause any serious damage, though—just some scarring. He thought tonight would be the night, when he’d finally get out of this hell, but he just couldn’t for so reason.

It’s not like this was the first time. He had come to this point many times before: wanting to die, starting to cut, but never being able to cut deep enough. He’d stopped trying a while ago, opting to let the blood flow down while he watched the beautiful storm outside. Tord had always loved a good thunderstorm. His blood raced and adrenaline pumped through his veins when thunder would crack like a whip across the entire sky, shaking the building and everything in it. It was dangerous and exhilarating, and those were Tord’s two favorite characteristics.

He let his head fall back against the back of his chair, his eyes half-lidded. He needed to go and clean up his wounds, as well as the knife and his clothes, but he had no energy right now. He mind was clouded with memories and his eyes were glued to the raging storm outside.

He remembered one time, eight years ago, during a particularly bad storm, Edd had been woken up in the middle of the night by a deafening thunder clap. Usually Edd never had issues with thunderstorms, but apparently that storm had exceeded Edd’s tolerance. He had rushed out into the living room, heart racing and hands shaky. Tord had been sitting on the couch lazily watching reruns of an old cartoon. He couldn’t now remember what it had been, since he hadn’t been paying much attention to it. Edd bolted in and ran straight to the sofa. Tord had jolted, surprised by Edd’s sudden and frightened arrival, but he composed himself upon seeing the fear on Edd’s face.

“Edd, what’s wrong?” he’d asked, worried.

Another loud clap of thunder sounded, and Edd jumped a little.

“Ah,” Tord exhaled. He patted the couch cushion next to him invitingly. “Come on, take a seat.”

Edd blushed violently, butterflies erupting in his stomach, though not from the weather. He hesitantly made his way over and sat next to Tord. Tord put his hand on Edd’s shoulder, making Edd’s blush deepen.

“It’s okay, Edd. The storm will die down soon,” he said, flashing a reassuring grin at him. Edd just nodded his head, his brain a mix of nerves and emotions.

Tord turned back to face the T.V., not wanting Edd to notice his own slight blush. He didn’t think to take his hand off of Edd’s shoulder, though. Edd glanced down at it in confusion, wondering why Tord was leaving it there. But as another crack of thunder erupted, he decided it was best to stop thinking and to just focus on the mindless cartoon. Eventually, he and Tord both relaxed, and as Tord’s arm finally slipped off Edd’s shoulder, Edd scooted closer to him, letting their arms be pressed up against each other. Tord felt a warmth of happiness spread through him at the touch, and he relaxed into his companion’s side. Within thirty minutes, the storm had died down to a dull roar, and Edd and Tord had both fallen asleep.

Little did they know that three weeks later, they’d share their first kiss.

Tord traced the cuts on his left forearm with his right index finger, gathering up blood as he went. What would Edd think of me now? he thought to himself. He wouldn’t want this. Or at least he wouldn’t have. But the old Edd was gone, a fact Tord had still not accepted yet. The Edd he’d known died the day he betrayed them all—he’d known that was going to happen. Now who knows who he is? He probably would love it if Tord killed himself, or perhaps he’d rather do it himself. He couldn’t imagine Edd as bloodthirsty, but he also couldn’t assume anything about Edd now.

 _I hope he hates me,_ was a common thought that ran through his mind. _If he doesn’t, then I’ll just feel a million times worse for stabbing him in the back._

The storm was starting to subside, as the thunder grew quieter and the time in between lightning strikes and thunder claps grew longer. Tord finally managed to grab the knife and resolve to stand up. He needed to clean himself up and get some sleep. He also resolved himself to another idea:

Tomorrow he would actually do it. March 16th.

~(*)~

Tord had lost control after his attempted escape with his robot almost a year ago. Truth be told, he had been doing poorly long before that, but not to this degree. When he initially left eight years ago, he had been heartbroken. It took everything in him to keep himself together during the day, and at night he would let loose and cry until he felt empty inside. Eventually, anger started building up in him, too, anger that he had let things come to this, anger that he had not given up on his plans long ago. But now, he had committed himself to this, and there was no going back. He used his anger to fuel himself during the day, which was effective in making him be productive and progressing in his plan, but it also changed him significantly. He was now a shell of the man he used to be, and the anger transformed him into a hard, uncaring person. All the progress Edd had made, all the good things he had brought to Tord, disappeared, and Tord’s original hatred and coldness returned stronger than ever. It gave him the strength to kill people, to not care who got in his way and how he had to remove them. This world was rotten, and he was going to rule it.

During those years, he had found Paul and Patryk. Both were soldiers from neighboring countries, both dissatisfied with the direction the world was going in. They wanted to make a change, but didn’t know how, and Tord knew how but needed help: it was like a key fitting into a lock. Originally it was Paul and Yutan, but Yutan had been too loose-lipped, and he spilled some important information to some dangerous people. Tord had always been a bit skeptical of him, though he also admired his courage and determination. When he discovered what Yutan had done, he knew that to keep his operation going he only had one choice. And for him, he had come too far and given up too much to turn back now.

Tord snuck into his bedroom late one night. This was back when Paul had his own room, before Patryk moved in. The only reason why they roomed together was because no one felt comfortable using Yutan’s old room anymore. Tord had made a quick job of it: two shots to the head while Yutan was asleep. The mess was easy enough to clean up: he burned the body and the sheets, leaving only a little floor scrubbing to be done in the morning. Paul heard the shots and came running, only to find Tord exiting the room, his coat and face blood-stained. Paul stared at him in horror.

“Run on back to bed, Paul,” Tord said sharply. Paul couldn’t force himself to salute or even nod. He just scampered back off to his room, where he laid wide awake in bed the rest of the night. Paul had known Yutan was not the best at keeping information secret, but he never believed Tord would actually harm him, let alone kill. After calming down the next day, Tord, too, was surprised and disgusted with his actions, finding them to be merciless and cruel. Shows how far I’ve come, he thought to himself. Nowadays, he tries to block that night out of his memory.

Patryk had come along not too long after that. He had been an eager young soldier, a man who wanted to change the world but felt too that it was rotten. He had abandoned the normal army to find someone who might actually make a difference in the world. Through some searching and talking Patryk found his way to Tord, and he, though highly skeptical and suspicious of Patryk, decided to give him a chance. After their first mission, he never looked back on his choice.

Over time, Paul and Patryk began to notice the quirks in Tord’s behavior. How he isolated himself at night, the self-loathing comments he’d mutter under his breath, the strange green hoodie he wore when it was after-hours and he was in his office alone. The two discussed these oddities a lot in whispered voices late at night in their shared room. As time went on, they both became genuinely concerned for their leader, and finally they confronted him about it all.

Tord had sighed deeply, looking very tired. “I betrayed a lot of good people to get this far. One person in particular…” he trailed off, his eyes downcast.

“The green hoodie?” Patryk asked cautiously, fearing backlash from his leader for knowing about the special item.

“Yes,” Tord replied, looking like his mind was far away from there. “That damn green hoodie.”

Paul and Patryk exchanged a glance, and they both saw the same conclusion in the other’s face. They looked back to their leader, but he was still far away, probably off somewhere in the past.

“Alright. Sorry to bother you, sir,” Patryk said guiltily, concluding the conversation.

They both had been nervous about Tord’s return to get his robot, but they knew it was a necessary part of the plan. They also had watched Tord gradually collect himself more and more over time, something that made them feel happy as well as more reassured that he could handle this mission. Indeed, he had handled it splendidly: he went in without anyone suspecting a thing. Paul and Patryk watched the house at all hours, so they were blatantly aware of Tord resuming his relationship with the green-hoodied man, Edd. While they were nervous, Tord continued to work on their plans when no one was watching, so they tried to simply trust their leader to take care of himself.

It wasn’t until after the Incident that they realized their mistake. Tord may have been working on the robot, but he had given his heart right back to Edd. The depression he fell into after everything was not caused just by his failure, and his men knew that. A good portion of it was the guilt he felt over betraying his friends, especially Edd. He started locking himself up in his office for most of the day, and he never was able to sit down and think up plans for how to continue on with his goal. It didn’t take long for Paul and Patryk to realize that he had given up on his dream and was just pretending to keep it going for their sakes’. They both knew they would have to leave to achieve their own goals now, but over the years they had become friends with Tord, and they cared about him greatly. They couldn’t just abandon him now in this time of need. So they all kept up a façade for nearly a year, trying to protect one another. Occasionally they did things, like a quick supply mission to London or bomb a building to frighten people, but that was mostly for media image, to convince the world they were still alive and a threat. And it helped them keep busy.  
Tord had hid his unhealthy coping measures and desires for suicide away from his friends. He knew they’d be heartbroken if they discovered the truth, and he just couldn’t do that to people again. He also knew they would try to stop him, and he wouldn’t allow for that. He had screwed up everything in his life and many others’, and he couldn’t be forgiven for that. The only relief he, and probably they, would get would be for him to die.

 _Edd’s right_ , Tord thought on many different nights. _I am selfish. I just want to die for my own sake. I can’t stand this guilt. I’m going to destroy Paul and Pat, just like I did my old friends, because I’m fucking selfish._

This had forced him into a debate for months: kill himself and stop feeling horrible all the time, or stick it out and try to make something of what was left of his life. For a while he tried the latter, which was part of the inspiration for the several missions he had done with Paul and Patryk during that period. But he still always felt awful, because he was doing what had made him feel so terrible in the first place. He could throw it all away and try to start anew. The only thing stopping him now was fear: he was afraid to live without purpose. This had been his purpose for so long, and so had Edd. Now they were both behind him and he had to start from square one. Death just seemed easier to him at this point.

But the easiest way is almost never the right way.

~(*)~

March 16th was a surprising sunny day, probably thanks to the storm the previous night. Usually it rained there all the time, or at least was cloudy, regardless of recent weather events. Tord was sitting in his office, dressed in his usual military uniform. Just like the previous night, he had his back to the door, his chair swiveled around so he could gaze out the window. It was around noon, and Tord had asked for Patryk to bring his lunch to his office. He hated to make Patryk make him a meal just for it to be wasted, but what did it really matter now? He was selfish, after all.

Patryk knocked loudly on the door, breaking Tord out of his thought process.

“Come in!” he shouted, trying to sound composed and strong despite his nervous insides.

Patryk opened the door and walked over to the large mahogany desk, a tray in hand. When Tord turned around he saw it was his favorite lunch: a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and fruit salad. He looked up at Patryk, his face deadpanned.

“Thank you, Patryk.”

“Of course, Sir.” Paul flashed him a kind smile. “I thought you might like something a bit nicer today. Paul and I know you’ve been having a rough time lately.” His face fell, thinking back to the conversation he and Paul had had the previous night.

_“There’s something wrong with him.”_

_“Well of course there is! He’s been devastated since the accident!”_

_“No, Pat, this is more than that.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“I can just…feel it. This is the same thing that happened right before my brother….”_

Patryk’s eyes had widened, fear struck his heart. He knew exactly what Paul was referencing.

_“Wh-what do we do then?”_

_“Let’s keep an eye on him, try and do some extra things around the base. Sometimes the smallest actions have the biggest impacts.”_

Tord’s eyes widened slightly, surprised by Patryk’s words. Did they really know? He blinked it away quickly, returning to his deadpan expression. He looked down at the floor for several moments, considering how to phrase his question. After about ten seconds, Patryk began to feel awkward, as if his words had upset his leader and maybe he should just escort himself out. Before he started making his way towards the door, though, Tord looked up at him, eyes filled with desperation.

“Pat,” he quietly started. Patryk immediately knew something was wrong. Tord was never this soft and gentle.

“Y-yes, Sir?” he asked nervously.

“I…I need to do something top secret. Could you stand outside my door and keep guard?”

Tears swarmed Patryk’s eyes. He understood exactly what Tord meant to do. And he was being roped into it now, too.

When Patryk didn’t immediately respond, Tord gently grabbed Patryk’s hand.

“Please, Pat. I need this.”

Several tears slipped down Patryk’s cheeks. He wanted to help his leader, but not like this. Please, not like this.

Unable to stand the pleading of his leader, Patryk nodded. Tord squeezed his hand lightly and whispered, “Thank you.”

He let go of Patryk’s hand and swiveled back around in his chair. Patryk turned around and exited the room, refusing to look back again at his leader. Right before he walked out the door, Tord called out:

“I’m sorry. I never wanted things to be like this.”

Patryk hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Finally, he mumbled, “I know, Tord.” And with that, he walked the last few paces out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Patryk stood outside the door at attention, trying to take his order seriously. If he didn’t, he might fall apart right then and there. Several minutes after their conversation, Patryk had yet to hear anything, though he really didn’t know if he was supposed to. He had no idea what Tord was planning for this. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching, and turned to his right to find Paul heading down the hallway towards him. _Shit,_ he cursed internally.

“Hi, Pat,” Paul greeted warmly, though his face was full of confusion. “Why are you standing outside Red Leader’s door?”

Patryk swallowed, knowing that if he answered with the orders Tord gave him, Paul would see right through the façade. At the same time, though, he couldn’t think of a good excuse fast enough. He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself, making sure his voice came out clear and strong.

“Leader asked me to stand guard here. He is working on some top secret documents.”

Paul gave him a questioning glance. They hadn’t had any real work to do in months now. How could Leader have top secret plans? Perhaps he was making new ones? Still, he never was this protective of them, certainly not from Patryk and himself.

Then it clicked in his brain. Patryk watched as the lightbulb went off in Paul’s head and he cringed, knowing exactly what was about to ensue. Paul looked up at him with anger in his eyes and determination in his face.

“Pat, let me in.”

“I can’t do that, Paul. I was given orders.” He was trying to stay calm and collected, but Paul’s realization was making it hard.

“Pat, I don’t give a damn about your orders!” Paul exclaimed. Patryk was sure Tord had heard that. He hoped that Tord would just get on with what he was doing, if he was doing anything, so this could all end.

“I vowed to serve Tord until the end, and that is what I’m doing.” He voice was still strong, but two tears slipped down his face. That was more than enough confirmation for Paul.

“LET ME THROUGH, PATRYK!” he screamed, voice echoing throughout the hall. “I WILL NOT SIT BY WHILE TORD KILLS HIMSELF!”

Those words. The truth hit him like a bulldozer. Patryk crumbled, unable to remain in control any longer. His knees gave way under him and he collapsed to the floor. Tears poured down his face, and his body trembled terribly. Paul ignored his emotional partner and threw open the door, marching into Tord’s office.

Tord still had his back to the door. Paul stopped upon seeing this, afraid of getting to close. He knew some suicidal people would kill themselves if anyone approached them. He knew that all too well.

“Tord!” he shouted, voice firm despite the fear coursing through him.

Tord did not move. Paul’s heart began racing even faster than before, fearing the worst had already come to pass.

“Tord!” he tried again, a pinch of fear in his tone this time.

“Paul,” Tord grumbled, sounding far away.

Paul let out a short sigh of relief, grateful it was not too late.

“Tord, I know things have been hard, but please. Don’t do this. Pat and I can help you—“

“Don’t you get it?” Tord snapped, sounding more present. “No one can help me. I fucked myself over and everyone I ever cared about. Including you two. I threw away my life for a dumb idea and now it’s over. Everything that ever gave me reason to live is gone.”

“What, Pat and I don’t give you reason to live? We’re your friends, Tord. We care about you and are here for you.”

“But you can’t fix this. Any of it. No one can.”

Tord turned around hastily, revealing a revolver poised next to his left temple.

“Tord,” Paul started cautiously, putting his hands up in the air. “Put the gun down.”

Patryk let out a cry from outside the room, distressed by the conversation happening behind him.

“No, Paul. I’m done. I don’t care how selfish this is. I’m leaving.”

“Tor—“

“Goodbye.”

A shot rang out throughout the room, and everything fell silent.

~(*)~

A loud thud sounded as Patryk slammed the trunk of his blue Honda Civic shut. He picked up a cardboard box from where he had set it down on the ground. Paul exited the front door of the apartment building, heading over to Patryk. He had a content smile on his face.

“The last box,” he sighed happily.

“The last box,” Patryk repeated, returning the smile. Paul placed a small peck on Patryk’s check, making Patryk blush in embarrassment.

“Come on, take this inside,” Paul said, lightly shoving Patryk towards the building. Patryk continued walking in that direction, soon disappearing inside.

Paul walked over to the passenger seat of the car. He knocked against the window three times. No response. He sighed and pulled on the door handle. Locked.

“Come on, it’s time to go inside. We finished unloading.”

Nothing.

Paul sighed again. He was really tired of playing these games every time they went somewhere.

“No one is out here. Besides, your disguise is impeccable. You’re safe.”

Several seconds passed in silence. Then, Paul heard the unlocking of the car door. He grinned to himself. Hesitantly, the door of the car opened ajar, revealing the half-bandaged face that was Tord. Slowly, the door opened further, providing just enough room for Tord to climb out. He was dressed in his old black overcoat—or, well, one like it. He had outgrown his old one years ago. His legs burned in the sunlight as his black jeans absorbed the heat. Though there were no new injuries to his face, he decided to hide his signature scarring and robotic eye behind bandages for a little while, hopefully to avoid questions temporarily. He had cut his signature hair style, opting for a flatter, less noticeable style.

Paul extended his hand, offering to help Tord out of the car. Tord batted it away with his left hand and emerged out of the car. He slammed the door behind him, and Paul pulled the car keys out of his back pocket and locked the car. They walked silently inside together, taking the elevator to the fifth floor. They entered apartment 532 to find piles of boxes covering the floor, Patryk attempted to keep one of said piles from falling.

“Hey, guys!” Patryk called happily upon seeing his friends. The pile he tried to save collapsed at his feet, but he just shrugged.

Tord closed the door behind him, examining the apartment. It was relatively plain, and the living room and kitchen were small. Of course, he knew he couldn’t expect much, since this was a two-bedroom apartment priced fairly cheaply. The closed blinds made the home particularly dark, but Tord was still too paranoid about people recognizing him to open them. The world thought he was dead, and he had to keep it that way.

He plopped himself down on the couch, which was surprisingly more comfortable than he had expected. Paul and Patryk exchanged a nervous glance. They both knew Tord was still struggling, but they hoped this move would be a good way to start fresh. They sat down on either side of him, Paul to the left and Patryk to the right.

“So, what do you think?” Patryk asked, hopeful.

“It’s pretty dull, but I’m sure we can spruce it up,” Tord respond, his face devoid of any emotions.

Patryk smiled a bit. He knew how hard it was for Tord to express his emotions, but he could tell Tord was willing to give this new life a try.

“Alright,” Paul started, standing up. “Let’s get some lunch before we start unpacking. I’m starving.”

“Want me to order Chinese?” Patryk asked, also getting up.

“Sounds good to me. Tord?”

Tord looked up at him and nodded. “Chinese sounds great.”

Paul grinned at him before walking over to Patryk to read the restaurant’s menu on his phone.

Once he was far enough away, Tord muttered under his breath, “As long as it’s not pizza. Jared always fucks up my pizzas.”

~(*)~

The silence had been deafening, much more so than the actual gun shot. Paul was lying on the floor on top of Tord. His body shook from the adrenaline that was coursing through his body, as well as the fear that he had fucked up. He looked down at his leader, scared of what he might see. Tord was unharmed, thanks heavens. His eyes were snapped shut, and his body, too, was trembling. Paul glanced over to the left, spotting the gun several feet away from them. He had done it.

As soon as Tord had started saying “goodbye,” Paul had lunged at him. He knocked the gun out of his hand, but Tord had already had his finger on the trigger, so a shot was fired into the wall. Tord had lost his balance and fallen backwards, Paul landing atop him.

Paul climbed off of Tord, falling backwards into a sitting position. He could hear Patryk sobbing behind him. He refused to look inside and see what damage had been done. Paul stared at Tord, waiting for him to do something, anything. He knew he might need to be ready to leap for the gun again, so he was prepared and on edge. Tord made no such move, though. Instead, he just continued to lay on the floor, motionless. Finally, after what seemed like ages, tears started streaming down Tord’s face. He let out choked sobs, trying to cover his face with his hands. Paul stared on in shock, having expected any other reaction but this.

Tord was distraught. He had been so ready to leave, and he had been foiled so easily, so simply. He was angry at himself for letting that happen. He was angry for letting things get to the point where he felt that his only option was suicide. He was angry that he had ruined his own life. His self-loathing was so deep, and he just couldn’t stand to be himself anymore. His sobs were him finally releasing all of his emotions from the past year, the ones he had buried deep down and only let out through blood trails on his arm. All of the anger, the sadness, the hatred came out in every tear that fell down his face.

Patryk soon fell quiet outside, having tired himself out. Several minutes later, he forced himself inside to assess the damage. He was stunned to find Paul sitting on the floor in front of a sobbing Tord. He saw the gun laying several feet away, and relief flooded his body. Tord was okay, everyone was okay. Patryk walked hesitantly over to Tord and sat down next to him, an idea popping into his head. He pulled Tord’s hands off his eyes and used them to pull Tord up into a sitting position. He then wrapped his arms around Tord and pulled him against his chest, letting the smaller man sob into his uniform. Paul looked on in amazement, surprised their leader would ever let them get this physical and emotional with him.

Paul soon scooched closer to the two, and he wrapped his arms around Tord as well from the side. He rested his head against Tord’s back, gently rubbing Tord’s back and quietly shushing him.

“It’s all going to be okay,” Paul whispered. Patryk nodded his head in agreement. “Let’s leave this all behind.”

And that’s exactly what they did. Several days after the suicide attempt, Tord finally emerged from his room. He sat down with his men, and the trio decided to drop all of their military work, all of their plans, and move away. They would start fresh, get new jobs, try and lead a normal life. Patryk wanted to join a radical activist group and continue fighting for his beliefs. Paul, on the other hand, was feeling done with changing the world, and he was eager just to pick up a normal daytime job or start a small business of some sort. Tord had no idea what he wanted to do. He was still feeling rather numb from his outburst the other day, and the numbness lasted a much longer time than any of them expected. Eventually he would need more than just a move to help him overcome his feelings and actually start anew. But he didn’t know that just yet.

They decided the best way to erase themselves from the earth was to stage a murder. Red Leader had been murdered, perhaps by a subordinate. Tord would have to change his appearance, of course, but at least the world would no longer be on edge and in search of him. Finding a body was the hardest thing, but one night Tord returned to the base carrying the corpse of an exact replica of himself.

“Where the hell did you get that?” Patryk cried out in surprise when he saw the deceased. He and Paul had been sitting in the kitchen at the table, having a casual conversation.

“He looks just like you…” Paul murmured.

“That’s because he is me,” Tord said plainly. “Eight years ago this crazy director cloned my friends and I a bunch of times. I went searching around and found all of the reject clones he had hidden away. This one should pass off as me perfectly. I’ll just put an eye patch on him and install my old prototype arm on him and we’ll be good.”

He threw the dead clone onto the floor. Paul retracted his feet and pulled his knees into his chest.

“Did you…how did he die?” Patryk asked cautiously, fearing he already knew the answer.

“He was sick. I just put him out of his misery,” Tord responded coolly.

Paul and Patryk exchanged a knowing glance, but they said nothing. Tord hadn’t actually been lying. The guy was sick when he found him and very weak. Was Tord really doing him a service by killing him? He would never really know that much.

The next day, the trio planted the body. They placed him in Tord’s office chair. Paul shot him through the head with a revolver to make the method of death clear. He wore a leather glove whilst holding the device, though, so the murder couldn’t be traced back to him. The men then scrambled to pack everything they wanted to take with them, loading up Patryk’s car as fast as they could. By the time Paul placed the anonymous tip to the police, the car was ready to go, and they all hopped in after Paul hung up. An hour later, the police arrived and discovered the body. The news was flooded for weeks after that with news stories about Red Leader’s death and the plans he had had in place.

Meanwhile, the trio lived by motel-hopping, switching location every few days. During that time, Tord and Patryk looked for cheap apartments they could live in, while Paul searched for a job to help them all stay afloat. About a week-and-a-half into their search, they found a place, and without even going to view it, they put down their first month’s rent on it. They moved in several days later.

The time for dwelling on the past was officially over. It was time to start anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope y'all enjoyed that chapter! So, I'm back at my 24/7 job, so I'm just editing whenever I get a chance. Posting will be slow, but this story will be finished. Also, I've decided to focus on plot chapters for now and then just add the smut/fluff chapters on at the end as bonuses sort of. Thanks for all your advice everyone!


	18. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd and Tord share one more night together before Tord throws it all away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this sounds NSFW, but it ain't. Or, it isn't now. I rewrote like, half of the chapter yesterday. Hope y'all enjoy!

Edd leaned back against the couch and let his eyes droop closed. A cool night breeze drifted through the room, let in by the couch-shaped whole in the wall in front of him. Matt had just retired for the night, while Tord was who-knows-where. Edd hadn’t seen him in a few hours, which was somewhat odd for Tord. Ever since he’d returned, he’d been spending most of his time with Edd and Matt—well, and Tom, until he’d stormed out. Tom’s sudden and aggravated departure had worried Edd, and he had been struggling to keep Tom off his mind the past week. Tord kept trying to soothe his worries, but Edd couldn’t shake his concern for his dear friend. Tom was not typically such an angry person, even when Tord had lived with them. Why had he been so upset? What had pushed him to leave? Where was he now? Was he okay? Was he ever coming back?

Edd tried to shut his thoughts out, but the frown on his face expressed his failure. All of a sudden, he felt a familiar pressure on his lips and someone’s warm breath on his face. When the pressure disappeared, Edd cracked his eyes open to see Tord standing behind the couch, his face hovering a few inches above Edd’s. He had a tender, loving smile on his face. Edd returned the smile, glad to see his partner and to be getting a much desired distraction from his thoughts.

Tord wrapped his arms around Edd’s neck and buried his face in Edd’s hair. Edd brought his arms up and placed them on top of Tord’s. He closed his eyes again as he sunk into the couch, soaking up Tord’s warmth and comfort. Tord placed several kisses on the top of Edd’s head, making Edd’s smile widen just a tad. He then trailed his kisses down the side of Edd’s head to his neck. Edd brought his right arm up to Tord’s face and playfully swatted at him, chuckling all the while.

“Tord, stop,” he said. “The window is open.” He gestured his arm towards the hole in the wall, and Tord scoffed.

“Not my fault an angry drunk tossed a couch through the wall,” he muttered, tone not as playful and joking as Edd’s. Edd’s face fell upon realizing this, and he sat up, breaking Tord’s grasp. He turned around to face his partner, an unhappy look on his features.

“Tord, I know you and Tom don’t get along, but please, don’t insult him like that.” Tord’s smile vanished as an embarrassed blush stole his face. “Tom is one of my best friends,” Edd continued, “and I don’t like you talking about him like that.”

Tord sighed, resting his arms on the back of the couch. He leaned forward further as he placed more weight onto the piece of furniture. “I’m sorry, Edd,” he started. “I know you two are close. I’ll try to be more careful about what I say about him.”

“Thank you,” Edd said, a gentle smile crossing his face. “Now, are you ready to come cuddle in my room?”

“Not yet. I have to finish some stuff I’m working on first. I’m just taking a break right now.”

“Oh.” Edd’s face fell again, slightly disappointed.

“I’ll be there within the hour, though. Don’t worry.” Edd smiled again before a yawn broke out.

“Alright, well, don’t be too long,” Edd said as he stood up from the couch and headed down the hall. “I’m already getting tired.”

“I’ll be there soon as I can.” Tord then shot Edd a seductive look. “You don’t think I’m eager to be in bed with you?”

Edd turned around, revealing a deep blush thanks to Tord’s teasing and suggestive tone. Tord erupted in laughter, loving when he could embarrass his partner.

“You’re too easy to embarrass, darling. Go get in bed.”

Edd stuck his tongue out, then turned around and went to his room.

~(*)~

Tord wished he could’ve gone straight to bed to cuddle. Hell, he wished he could’ve kept his word and been there in the hour.  
Instead, it was three in the morning, and Tord was still holed up in his lab, making the final adjustments to his robot. Tomorrow was the big day, and he couldn’t have this machine failing him. He needed a smooth, seamless exit. Just take the robot and go. No conversation, no confrontations, just a quick departure. He couldn’t handle anything more than that. He was barely keeping it together as it was.

He knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with Edd again when he came back. Paul and Patryk had both warned him against it, and he had just brushed them aside, claiming he knew what he was doing. But the moment he re-entered the house, all of the memories flooded back to him: the warmth of Edd’s body, all the nights they spent holding each other, the soft kisses, the gentle whispers, the passionate sex. It was all he had dreamed about for eight years. And now it was finally back within his grasp.

How could he turn his back on such a wonderful temptation?

Tord stepped back from the robot as he wiped beads of sweat off his brow. That should be the last tweak. He tossed the wrench he was holding onto his desk and looked up at his creation. It was beautiful, easily his finest work. It would be a pleasure to take over the world in this beauty. He pressed the large red button in the center of the room, forcing the robot to return underground. It needed to stay hidden for a few more hours, in case anyone happened to bumble into this lab, though he doubted that would happen.

He lowered the wall behind him as he left his lab for the evening. He then stripped off his clothes, haphazardly tossing them onto the floor. He could deal with them in the morning—not like it mattered anyways. He grabbed a towel from his closet and headed to the bathroom, eager to wash himself free of the sweat and robot oil he had accumulated over the past few hours.

Once he was clean again, he returned to his room and slipped on a fresh pair of boxers and a plain white tank top. He quietly made his way down the hall to Edd’s room, figuring Edd must be asleep by now. That’s why he was surprised to see Edd sitting up in bed in the darkness of his room.

“Oh, hey, Edd,” Tord started awkwardly, feeling guilty for being so late.

“Within the hour,” Edd stated in a deadpan voice.

“Edd, I’m really sorry,” Tord apologized. “I had a lot more to do than I thought and it all had to get done tonight and that was really shitty of me.”

“Why are we doing this?” Edd asked suddenly.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Why are we doing _this_?” Edd gestured widely between himself and Tord. “Why are we like this? You’re finally back but nothing has changed! Tom and Matt still don’t know, and our relationship is exactly the same as it was eight years ago!”  
“

What else do you want, exactly?” Tord asked nervously, knowing he was in deep shit now.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe we could actually go out sometimes? On real dates? You know, the movies and dinner and all that shit. Maybe we could do something more than sit in my room and have sex when we get bored? Maybe we could stop hiding everything from our friends?”

“Edd, I—“

“What? You can’t be in a real relationship again? Is that it? What is so terrifying about that for you? If you really love me, why don’t you actually want to be with me?”

“Edd, it’s not like that. I do love you, I do want to be with you.”

“Then why don’t we just do it? Why are we still in this weird gray area?”

“Because I’m scared!” Tord finally let his volume rise. Edd had been loud the entirety of this argument, but now he was letting his emotions get the better of him. He immediately wanted to take back the words as soon as they left his mouth, but it was too late. Frustrated with himself for being so careless, he kicked over Edd’s trashcan with a low growl. Even in the darkness, Tord could see the strange look Edd was giving him.

Tord turned around, letting out a loud groan before trying to speak. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Edd!”

“What makes you think that’ll happen?” Edd asked, cocking an eyebrow. His tone still had touches of anger in it.

“Because I know me! I’m not a good guy, Edd! And I don’t want you getting hurt because of me!”

Tord groaned in frustration again. How was he losing this much control? He’d been so good at bottling this all up when they were together. He just couldn’t stand Edd being angry with him, though. He threw a punch at Edd’s wall and hissed in pain as his knuckles started bleeding. Edd hopped out of bed at the sound, rushing over to his lover to see the damage. Tord shoved him away, not wanting to be near him when he was this upset.

Edd sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tord, I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry about me. Besides, it’s not like you’re abusive or anything—I know that much.”

“No, I’m not like that, but still…”

“Tord, stop, please.”

“I’m a shitty person, Edd!”

“Then why are we doing this?” Edd’s voice was raised again, frustration boiling up once more. “You think you’re a horrible person and are gonna hurt me and all this shit. Then why not stay the fuck away from me?”

“Because I’m a selfish asshole who loves you!” Tord yelled as he barreled his fist into the wall again. This time he actually broke through the plaster, startling Edd.

“If you’re not happy,” he wheeled around, his enraged gaze landing on Edd, “why don’t you fucking leave me?”

“Because I love you, too!” Edd screamed, feeling a tear slide down his cheek. “You frustrate me sometimes with your distancing and this ‘I’m an awful person’ bullshit, but I love you so much!”

“Then what the fuck are we going to do?” Tord yelled, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.

“I don’t know!”

Tord grabbed Edd’s shirt and pulled him against him. Edd could feel his heavy, frustrated breathing against his face. A streak of fear pierced through Edd at being this close to Tord when he was angry. The guy had just punched a hole through his wall, for fuck’s sake.

“We’re not getting anywhere with this,” Tord grunted. “Why don’t we get some of this frustration out?”  
He crashed their lips together forcefully, roughly moving his lips against Edd’s. Edd thought he’d hate this. But he didn’t. His already racing heart somehow moved even faster. Adrenaline was coursing through his body thanks to their fight, and this rough make-out was only further increasing it. Still, he was angry that Tord was trying to smother their problems by rough physical actions. Thus, Edd shoved him away, in disbelief that Tord would even try to pull this.

“What the fuck?” he yelled. “You think you can just make out with me, give me a quick fuck, and that’ll make it all better?”

Tord groaned loudly in frustration, throwing his hands in the air again. “I don’t think that! I just…I’m too mad to function! I can’t think, Edd! Besides, I’ve told you: all I know how to do is sex!”

“No, no it’s not!” Edd hollered back. “You’ve opened up so many times before now! You’re better than you think!”

“I’m not, though, Edd! When will you get that through your head!”

Edd couldn’t take this shouting match anymore. This was getting them nowhere, and it was only hurting them both. Hesitantly, he approached Tord and put his hands on his shoulders. He looked in Tord’s eyes, scared by the anger he saw blazing in them. But he held his ground and didn’t look away.

“Tord,” he started calmly. “Take a deep breath.”

Tord still looked furious, but he did so nonetheless.

“Another,” Edd commanded, staying firm and calm. Again, Tord did so. The muscles in his face relaxed slowly with each breath. When he finally looked somewhat calmer, Edd decided to move on.

“Better?” Edd asked. Tord nodded, though he was still somewhat tense.

“Ok, now, please, hear me out,” Edd started, squeezing Tord’s shoulders a little bit. “You are not a horrible person. You make mistakes, just like the rest of us. But you are better than you think. You are good at opening up. You’ve done it numerous times, just like tonight. You are good at comforting me and being there for me. You are a good partner, Tord. And a good friend. You’re just too hard on yourself.”

Tord sighed, leaning into Edd’s touch a little more. He knew the only reason he was this hard on himself was because he was right. He was a shitty person, and Edd could do so much better. Tomorrow, he was going to destroy Edd, and he was going to leave without looking back. But he couldn’t deny that Edd had valid points, too.

He had done good things for Edd and opened up to him. He had been there for him and shown him love and compassion. Maybe he wasn’t the worst person ever then.

“I’m sorry, Edd” he mumbled quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. He hung his head, his emotions starting to roar up. Just the thought of having to abandon Edd tomorrow, to break his heart, was too much.

“Tord,” Edd cooed, noticing how upset he was getting. He pulled him into a tight hug, hoping it would soothe him. “It’s okay,” he said, speaking almost into Tord’s shoulder. “I forgive you. I just…I want you to see yourself as the man I love, a man who’s good and kind and wonderful.”

Tord could feel a few tears slide down his face. He tried to casually wipe them off on Edd’s sleeve. “Why are you so good to me, Edd?” he asked quietly, though he already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear it, one last time.

“Because I love you,” Edd said. “And I know you’re a good man.”

Tord nodded silently against Edd’s shoulder. “I love you, too,” he muttered, leaning into Edd more.

“But the question remains,” Edd began, pulling himself gently out of the hug. “What are we going to do about all this?”

Tord sighed. “I don’t know. I want to be with you, but….”

“Well,” Edd started, walking over and taking a seat on his bed. “I love you. You love me. We’re both adults who can take care of ourselves. Why don’t we just go for it? Just be a couple, do what we want. And we can deal with any bumps that come along the way.”

Tord grinned, but inside he felt his heart dying. None of this mattered—by tomorrow afternoon, he’d be gone and would never come back. He’d never see Edd again, never had to deal with any future with him. Their argument, Edd’s kind words, this conversation, it was all pointless. And yet he still went through with it all, his emotions fully intact and invested in everything. He should have known then that he failed, just by letting himself get re-involved in all of this.

In his head, the thought rang out:

_This is a bump we can’t overcome._

From his lips, though, came, “Alright. Let’s do it.”

And that’s how he and Edd wound up falling asleep in each other’s arms, once last time, after an evening of yelling and fighting and frustration and resolution.

~(*)~

“Tord, help me carry these last few ones.” Edd barged through the front door, carrying a heavy cardboard box. As he set it atop a stack of similar boxes, he wiped sweat off of his red face.

Tord walked up to him, carrying a two glasses of lemonade. He handed one to Edd once he hands were free.

“In a minute. For now, let’s toast to finally moving into our wonderful new home.”

Edd took the drink and clinked his glass against his husband’s. “I can’t believe we finally did it,” he mumbled after taking a sip of his drink. “We finally have our own house. And it’s absolutely beautiful.”

“Just like you,” Tord teased, planting a kiss on Edd’s cheek. Edd chuckled and shoved him lightly, but Tord just wrapped his arm around Edd’s waist and pull him close.

“Did you ever think we’d ever be here, back when we got together all those years ago?”

“Never, not once. This is so surreal.”

“I love you, Tord.”

“I love you, too, Edd.”

Tord wanted the dream to last longer, just a minute more even. But as he lay in Edd’s bed, eyes wide open and cold sweat dripping down his body, he knew it was over. That was the closest he would ever get to having a future with Edd. And it killed him. He wanted to sob, to just throw everything away and be with Edd forever, but he couldn’t lose his resolve now. He was so close…too close. He rolled over and buried his face in Edd’s side, refusing to let the tears break out.

At least he had gotten a bit of sleep on the last night of this life of his. He might just be a bit readier to handle throwing it all away in a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for all the comments/reads/Kudos. Sorry I don't individually respond to comments--I always mean to and then never have the time. Maybe I'll start doing that. Anyways, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. See y'all soon!


	19. Finality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom, Edd, and Matt receive some shocking news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set in the present. By now, it's been a little over a year since the Incident.

Edd trudged his way up the last flight of stairs to the tenth floor. Another long day of job searching done. He doubted he would hear back from any of those people—none of them seemed too thrilled about him. But that wasn’t anything new. Edd had been job searching for almost a month now, and thus far had had no luck. He had stopped being hard on himself about it, though. It was just not easy to get a job in this economy. At least, that was something Tom said to reassure him.

The whole way up the stairs he listened to the patter of rain drops against the building. He was glad to have missed the storm, as he had reached the apartment building’s front door as the rain began to fell. He knew Tom would want to go out for a walk, though; that man just loved storms too much. Edd didn’t really mind—he was happy to go most anywhere with his boyfriend.

He finally reached the doorway to his floor. He stopped for a moment and focused on breathing, trying to catch his breath after his exhausting climb. He really hoped they fixed the elevator sometime soon. Once he had calmed himself, he opened the door and walked halfway down the hallway to his apartment. He didn’t bother getting his keys out, knowing Tom would be home so the door was probably unlocked. Indeed, it was, and Tom was sitting on the couch watching television like usual.

“Hi, Tom!” Edd called out as he went into their shared bedroom to rid himself of his keys and wallet. When he didn’t hear a response, he returned to the main room and stared at the back of Tom’s head, a perplexed look on his face. Tom never ignored him when he came home.

“Tom?” Edd asked in a confused tone. Tom remained silent. He seemed to either be spacing out or really invested with what was on the television.

“Tom, are you okay?” Edd tried again, sounding slightly concerned this time. Tom still didn’t answer. Edd cautiously walked around the side of the sofa, trying to get a better look at Tom’s face. His eye sockets were wide with surprise as he stared intently at the television. Whatever was on appeared to have absorbed him.

Apparently, Edd’s movement had been just enough to grab Tom’s attention. Tom, in a quiet voice, and without ungluing his eyes from the screen, said, “Edd, look.”

Edd finally turned to the tele, which he presumed was what Tom was referring to when he told him to look.

He swore his heart stopped for a few seconds. He unintentionally held his breath, which only served to make him feel like he was suffocating. His knees quivered and came out under him, making him fall to the floor with a heavy thud. His eyes were wide and unblinking as his whole body began to shake.

He had never wanted this to happen. Never.

Edd’s startling reaction pulled Tom out of his stupor. He jumped off the couch and kneeled down in front of his boyfriend. He put both of his hands on his shoulders and shook him lightly.

“Edd!” he called out worriedly. “Edd, I’m right here. You have to calm down.”

But Edd didn’t hear a word he said. He was still repeating the words he’d seen on the television over and over again in his head.

**Red Leader Dead. Shot Multiple Times.**

Then, suddenly, the world went black, and all Edd remembered was the feeling of falling.

~(*)~

When Edd woke up, he didn’t register that he was awake. Wherever he was was so dark he might as well have still been asleep. The only thing that made him think he was conscious was the whispering he heard nearby.

“Tom, he’s going to be okay. Please, calm down.”

“He stopped breathing, Matt! He could have died!” This voice was almost hissing, the tone frantic and anxious.

“But he didn’t. Please, Tom, just sit down for a minute. Drink some water.”

“I’m not resting until I know he’s okay,” the other voice said stubbornly.

Edd’s eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness. He could discern the outline of his bedroom door, as well as his dresser and closet. He attempted to sit up, but when he lifted his head, a stabbing pain shot through it. He groaned in pain and laid back down, his left hand pressed against his head.

He heard a small gasp from beyond the doorway. Suddenly, there was a dark outline of a figure standing in the doorway. The spiky hair identified him as Tom.

“Tom,” Edd murmured quietly.

Another figure appeared next to Tom, and Edd assumed it had to be Matt. Tom darted over to Edd’s bed and sat down next to him.

“How are you doing, love?” he asked gently, intertwining his right fingers with Edd’s left.

“My head is killing me,” Edd groaned, rubbing his head lightly. “What happened exactly?”

“You…” Tom tried to start, but trailed off, realizing he didn’t know how to continue.

“You fainted,” Matt intervened, saving Tom. “You must have hit your head on the floor when you fell.”

“Oh,” Edd muttered. And then all of the memories returned. Edd returning home, the newscast, the shock, the feeling of falling. Edd gasped loudly, squeezing Tom’s hand tightly.

“Edd, what’s wrong?” Tom asked, putting his free hand on Edd’s chest.

“Tord,” Edd said. “H-he’s dead.”

Tom and Matt exchanged a look, both uneager to explain the situation.

“Yes, he is,” Matt stated solemnly, his head drooping a bit.

“Wh-what happened?” Edd stammered, still in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t.

“They found him shot in his office,” Tom said simply, letting no emotion into his voice. Edd looked up at him, a confused and bewildered expression on his face. “They suspect foul play was involved.”

“He was murdered?” Edd cried out. Matt flinched at his tone and hung his head further, finding this conversation hard to bare.

“Possibly. Or it was suicide, but they said that was less likely.”

“No, Tord wouldn’t commit suicide. He just wouldn’t.” There were tears in Edd’s eyes, and his free hand was clenched tightly into a fist.

Tom and Matt exchanged another look, realizing this conversation was taking a dangerous path. Tom looked back down at his partner only to find tears crawling down his face. Tom moved his hand up to cup Edd’s face, and Edd released Tom’s other hand and covered his eyes. He really didn’t want his friends to see him like this. He didn’t want them to know he still cared. After everything that had happened, he shouldn’t give a damn about Tord. He should be glad he’s dead, after all the shit he put them through. But no, he had fainted from the news, and now he was trying to hold back sobs.

He hated himself so much in this moment. Why was he so upset about this? Tord got what he deserved, right? Edd had moved on with his life, right? Edd was so much happier now and had an amazing, wonderful boyfriend. He shouldn’t cry over that bastard.

He wanted Tom to slap him, to tell him to get a hold of himself. But, of course, Tom was too kind and understanding for that. He just laid down and rested his head on Edd, running his fingers lightly up and down Edd’s right arm. Edd tried to stifle a sob but failed, only making more tears fall down his cheeks. Matt sat on the other side of the bed and and grasped Edd’s right hand between his hands.

“We’re so sorry, Edd,” Matt whispered, running his thumb gently over Edd’s hand. Tom kissed his chest lightly, as if to signal his agreement with Matt’s statement.

The trio laid together like this for nearly an hour. Even after Edd had calmed down, none off them really felt like moving much. The company and warmth was just too nice, and it’s not like any of them particularly felt like doing anything else. When they did finally move, it was Matt getting up to get them all some water.

Tom and Edd laid in bed, silent. They both had thoughts on their minds, but they were sure the other already knew what they were thinking. So they chose to just stay quiet. Tom slid his way up Edd’s torso so that he could press their lips together softly.

“I love you, okay?” Tom reminded him gently before laying back down on his chest.

“I know you do. I love you, too.”

In those simple words, everything had been relayed. Tom knew Edd felt horrible about himself for caring for Tord still. Edd knew Tom knew that. He also knew Tom understood why he still cared, and he accepted Edd regardless.

They really had been spending a ton of time together the past year.

Matt returned and waited for the pair to sit up before handing them their water glasses. Tom sat up and moved over next to Edd. Edd slowly sat up, fearing he might entice the headache to return if he moved too fast. Luckily, this time the pain was minimal, and he successfully got himself propped up against his pillows. Matt handed them their water before returning to his original place on the bed. The three sipped their drinks in silence, all of them slightly dehydrated and desperate for their cool drinks.

When they were done, Matt took their empty glasses back to the kitchen and set them down in the sink. Without warning, Edd rolled over onto Tom, burying his face into Tom’s sweatshirt.

“Uh, Edd?” Tom inquired, confused. Edd sloppily threw his arms on either side of Tom, attempting to wrap them around the smaller man.

Tom just rolled his eyes as he ran his fingers through his tired boyfriend’s hair. When Matt re-entered the room and saw the duo, he almost turned around and walked back out. Tom motioned him in, though, insisting that this was nothing private. Matt hesitantly sat back down on the bed. Eventually he relaxed—all of them did. Before any of them realized what was happening, they all fell asleep in some position or other.

~(*)~

“Tom, can I ask you something odd?” Edd asked as he finished washing the last dish from breakfast.

It was four weeks after they all initially heard the news of Tord’s death. The first few days had been particularly rough. Edd spent most of the day moping around, too sad to get himself to do anything. Matt checked in on him before and after work and before bed. He wanted to help his friend in whatever way he could, but he also knew he couldn’t be dragged into the sadness. He had done his grieving when Tord betrayed them, and that was all the time he was going to allow himself to spend on that bastard.

Tom spent all of his time with Edd, watching him closely to make sure this didn’t evolve into depression or something. Luckily, they avoided that, and slowly Edd started to do more things and have more energy. He even worked on stopping his self-hatred, opting to accept that his feelings were natural, and that it was okay for him to grieve. Tom and Edd’s therapist helped him process it all, and soon he stopped giving those types of thoughts much time in his mind. Within a few weeks, things were relatively back to normal, except that Edd still felt down during quieter times and there was a strange feeling lingering in the atmosphere of the apartment.

“Sure, shoot,” Tom said, looking up from whatever he was typing on his laptop.

“Can we invest in buying a gravestone for Tord? I feel like it might be a good type of closure.” Edd turned away from his boyfriend, a blush spreading over his cheeks.

He set the final dish in the drying rack, trying to continue acting natural.

“If that would make you happy, sure,” Tom responded.

“You don’t think it’s too—?“

“No, I think it’d be a good way to get closure,” Tom interrupted, knowing where Edd had been heading with his question.

“Okay,” Edd said with a soft smile, turning his head around slightly to look at Tom from the corner of his eye.

And so that’s what they did. They ordered a simple headstone online and asked to have it shipped to them when it was complete. It was made of stone, and read:

_Tord Larsen_   
_1989-2017_

Initially, they had considered trying to install it in the same graveyard that Jon was buried in, but the graveyard said they required an actual body to sell plots. After brainstorming, Matt and the duo had decided to place it atop the hill overlooking their old house, an old favorite hangout spot of their’s during their school years.  
They dug a small hole in the ground so that the stone would actually stay in place. They each placed a handful of flowers at its base. Tom and Matt had brought more standard bouquets from the flower shop a block or two down the street; Edd, however, had had his specially made. It was full of different types of red flowers, which Edd felt like his old friend would appreciate. After installing the gravestone, Edd sat down and stared at it, deep in thought. How on Earth did this happen?

Matt, not wanting to grieve anymore, decided to head back home and visit with his boyfriend. Tom recognized that Edd probably wanted to be on his own, so he chose to leave with Matt. He put his hand on Edd’s shoulder and said, “See you at home, love.”

Edd nodded, but didn’t say anything. The pair turned around and walked home, leaving Edd to muse in his thoughts for however long he wished.

 _It could have been so great,_ Edd thought to himself. _We could have stayed together and been happy. Maybe bought a place of our own one day. It really could have lasted forever._

_But it didn’t. And now I’ve got Tom. I’m happy again._

_I don’t want things to be like they used to. I don’t ever want to go back to that._

_After it all happened, I didn’t ever want to see your face again. And now I don’t have to. But I still wanted you to be okay. I never wanted this for you._

_You fucked up. But you really did care about me—about all of us. If only you had just let life play out and not tried to be so ambitious._

_Oh well. That’s who you were. And I loved you for it._

Edd glanced up at sky. Orange and pink and purple hues dotted the sky as the sun sunk below the horizon. The early evening stars twinkled in the growing darkness. He glanced down at the gravestone again, before standing up.

“I’ll be back eventually,” Edd thought aloud, before turning away and heading back down the hill.

When Edd reentered his apartment, Tom headed towards the door to greet him. Suddenly, Edd threw his arms around Tom and hugged him tightly. Though surprised,

Tom still wrapped his arms around his partner in return, closing his eyes as he leaned into him.

“I love you, Tom,” Edd said.

Edd was afraid of losing him, in any way, shape, or form. Betrayal, breakup, fight, accidental death, whatever the case might be—Edd was scared. Tom, of course, knew this. But the news of Tord’s death, this final bit of closure, was amplifying the fear. Edd was trying to hold onto him in whatever way he could, literally and metaphorically. And Tom hated that there was nothing he could really do to soothe those fears except keep living his life, keep loving Edd.

“I know you do,” he spoke, trying to sound reassuring. “I love you, too.”

~(*)~

About a month later, Edd caught a cold and was confined to bed. Well, Tom confined him to bed. He didn’t mind letting Edd roam around while sick usually, but one morning it was blatantly obvious that he had a fever. Matt had asked Drew to pick up some cold medicine on his way home from work that evening, as Tom was staying home all day to tend to Edd. Or, at least, that was the original plan.

Around two in the afternoon, Edd called Tom into their bedroom.

“Tom, could you please take the flowers I bought yesterday out to Tord’s grave?”

“Why does it have to be today?”

“It doesn’t, but I’d really like to get them out there today.”

Tom didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t want to be rude, but he really hated going out to the grave, especially alone. He always felt strange when he was up there, and the hairs on his neck always stood up on end. Something was just peculiar about that whole place.  
Edd sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tom, I know you don’t like going there, but please. It would mean a lot to me if you could just take them there, just this once.”

It was now Tom’s turn to sigh. He felt guilt swell up in his gut for being so selfish. “Alright, I’ll be back in an hour,” he finally agreed, exiting the room with a gentle kiss to Edd’s forehead.

When Tom ascended the hill, he knew something was wrong. This place always felt off to him, but today was something different. He definitely did not feel alone today, though everyone who knew about this place was either sick in bed or at work. As Tom climbed to the crest of the hill, he realized why he’d had that feeling.

He wasn’t alone.

And he was in the worst possible company.

“Afternoon, Thomas,” the all-too-familiar thick, Norwegian accent greeted coldly. Tord had his back to Tom, looking instead down at his own makeshift grave.

Tom dropped the flowers to the ground, though he later realized they didn’t really matter anymore anyways.

“So, you’re alive? I can’t say I’m surprised,” Tom snapped coolly.

“Really?” Tord asked, sounding mildly interested for once. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I just…sensed it. Something about this grave never felt right.” Tom answered honestly, but he was determined not to let his guard down for an instant.

“Hm, yes,” Tord mused to himself. “If anyone were to see through the lies, it’d be you.”

He turned around on his heel, resolving himself to face Tom before speaking again. “I must say, though, it was lovely to have someone make a grave for me. I appreciate the gesture.”

Tom’s eye sockets widened with surprise as he stared at Tord’s face. The right half of his face was covered in deep scars, and his right eye had been replaced with a robotic red one. His right arm also seemed to have been replaced, a red cyborg arm hanging out of the sleeve of his black overcoat. He tried to shake his mind clear of those thoughts for now, so as not to get distracted.

“It was Edd’s idea,” he snarled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tord’s eyes widened a bit, clearly surprised to hear this. Probably surprised just to hear anything about Edd after a year. He quickly blinked and returned to his haughty expression and cold gaze.

“Well, I certainly wasn’t under the impression that it was your’s.”

“Damn straight,” Tom scoffed. “So, why fake your own death?”

“To end the Red Leader movement once and for all. To let myself move on with my life.”

“You really think you can just move on after all the damage you caused?” Tom yelled, anger boiling up inside him. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? To any of us? Do you even know that you murdered fucking Jon?”

“Yes!” Tord loudly interjected. “Of course I know that. You saw me at his grave last month.”

“So what? You think some flowers are enough repentance for everything you did, and now you can just move on?”

“No!” Tord yelled, throwing his arms into the air in frustration. “Of course not! I can never make up for what I’ve done! I can never atone for my sins or even begin to apologize for them! And it kills me every fucking day!”

Tom fell silent, curious to see what else Tord had to say.

“I don’t want to be here, Tom,” he shouted, though it was a significant volume decrease from his last sentence. “I tried to leave, to just be done with all of it. But…I’m stuck here. Living with this guilt is at least owning up to what I did more than just killing myself is.”

Tom couldn’t argue with him there.

“So…what now? Are you just starting over, living in the shadows?” Tom didn’t particularly care what Tord’s plans were. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t involve returning to his and Edd and Matt’s lives.

“Essentially,” he said, his voice finally back to a normal speaking volume. “I’ve got two friends, old partners of mine from the army. We’re just leading quiet lives now.”

Tom nodded, grateful he was not attempting to reintegrate himself with them. He probably knew better than that. He was too smart to believe they would ever forgive him.

“Remember our deal?” Tord asked after several seconds of silence. “You were going to kill me if I ever hurt Edd?”

“You knew you couldn’t hold that up from the beginning,” Tom spat bitterly, recalling that early morning.

“Yes, I did.”

“You condemned yourself to death. Why not just stay away from Edd?”

Tord flashed him a sad grin, taking Tom aback. “I could ask you the same thing, old friend.”

Tom blushed, feeling strange knowing that Tord knew about him and Edd.

“See, I always told you that you liked him,” Tord said teasingly, though his voice was soft and tinged with sadness.

“Shut up,” Tom snapped, not wanting to admit he had been right.

Tord chuckled quietly to himself before turning serious again. “So, the deal.” He rubbed his hands together, as if he were forming a scheme. “Let’s get this done.”

“What?” Tom asked in confusion.

“I broke the deal,” Tord said matter-of-factly. “Now you kill me.”

Tom sighed. He knew there was enough rage and hatred in him to kill Tord right there and then. But he also knew Edd would never want that. Edd had been distraught at the news of Tord’s fake death—but if he discovered Tom had actually killed him, with his bare hands? Edd would never forgive him, despite the atrocities Tord has done. Hell, he would condemn Tom regardless of who it was; his morality was just too good. And Tom would never forgive himself for stooping so low as to murder someone, let alone breaking Edd’s heart.

“No, Tord,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I’m not going to kill you.”

“And why not?”

“Because Edd would never want that. He would never want you to die, even if we did have a deal. Besides, it’s like you said. The least you can do is keep living with your guilt. Why should I give you the easy way out?”

Tord just stared at him for a moment, a blank expression on his face. Then, that damn familiar smirk broke out.

“So smart, Tom. Well, have it your way.”

He walked past Tom and began descending the hill. Tom whirled around and looked after him, surprised at his sudden departure. Tord turned around before getting too far, though.

“You won’t be seeing me again.”

“Good.”

Tord flashed that smirk again before continuing his descent. He didn’t lie. Tom never saw him again after that.

~(*)~

Tom decided not to tell Edd about his encounter with Tord. He already thought Tord was dead—why upset Edd more and stir up more thoughts and confusions with news of the opposite? Edd was content again, and that was what really mattered. Besides, Tord was essentially dead. He was gone from their lives forever, never to return. Tom was sure he used a new name and lived in a different city, maybe another country, even. Tord Larsen was long dead, and he was never coming back.

The last page had been written, and the book was closed for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to everyone who read/commented/Kudosed! It truly makes my day to see all of them <3 So, this is the second to last chapter, I'm afraid :( I will try to get that one posted soon, but we'll see. After that one is up, I will post two "bonus" chapters (aka the fluff/smut that is irrelevant to the plot). Anyways, see y'all soon!


	20. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd and Tom struggle through the one year anniversary of The Incident and look back on how much their lives have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a cliché title, I know :P But yeah, here is the final chapter. It is set a few weeks before the previous one.

Tom usually really enjoyed rainy days. They were dark and dreary, and everything also was so much nicer after it stopped: the plants were greener, the streets were cleaner, the air was fresh. But today, even though Tom got to take a walk in the glorious weather, was a shitty day. Nothing could change that. Despite all of the little things he had tried to do that day to make it less awful, it was still terrible. He had made Edd his favorite breakfast, getting up early so that it would be ready when Edd woke up. He’d driven Edd to and from his appointment that day, knowing how much Edd hated driving. He’d made some music, sold it to a famous YouTuber, and made a decent amount of money. He even paid his bills and started getting his apartment ready for sale. None of that could change what day it was, though. March 16th.

Tom mused in all of these thoughts as he made his way along the sidewalk. It’d been nearly a year since he’d been to this place, but he knew how to get there like the back of his hand. It was a good fifteen-minute walk from the apartment building where he and Edd and Matt lived, but his umbrella kept most of the showers off of him. As he rounded a corner, a crack of thunder sounded in the distance. Tom picked up his pace, not wanting to get caught out in a big storm.  
Finally, after several more blocks, he reached his destination. He swung the creaky iron gate open and surveyed the land ahead of him. Tombstones covered the majority of the ground, leaving only thin walking lanes open. The cemetery was nearly deserted, save for one sole figure in the distance. The person was sitting on their knees in front of a tombstone, their head bent down in either sadness or prayer. Or both. It is a cemetery, after all. Their back was to Tom, completely oblivious to the newcomer.

Tom approached the figure, trying not to be too loud, but also wanting to avoid startling them. His checkered Toms sank into the mushy, soppy ground, covering them in mud and rain water. By the time he reached the person, the water had seeped through his shoes into his socks, which would guarantee him a miserable walk home. Now, as he stood behind the figure, he could see the familiar green hoodie of his dear friend and boyfriend. Not that he really needed any confirmation of the person’s identity; he hadn’t expected Edd to be anywhere else today.

He put a gentle hand on Edd’s shoulder, hoping it wouldn’t startle him. He must have been there for quite some time, for his hoodie was completely soaked through. Apparently, Edd had heard the squishing of the soaking grass as he had walked over, because he didn’t react to the gesture. He just kept his head bent down, eyes fixated on the bouquet of blue flowers placed at the head of the tombstone.

“Hey, Edd,” Tom muttered quietly, not wanting to disturb the solemn atmosphere.

“Hi, Tom,” Edd mumbled after several seconds of silence.

“It’s, um, getting a bit late. Maybe it’s time we start heading home?”

Edd looked up, reading over the words on the tombstone again, before lowering his gaze back to the flowers he had brought here.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year,” he whispered, more to himself than to Tom. Tom nodded in agreement. It really was hard to believe.

“Neither can I,” he responded, though he knew it had been a rhetorical comment. He glanced down at the bouquet Edd had brought, grinning just barely when he noticed the beautiful shades of blue the flowers were. “I bet Jon would have loved those.”

“Yeah, I think he really likes them. At least, Eduardo said he did.”

“Eduardo was here?”

“He was here when I got here earlier,” Edd stated. “He left shortly after I came, but he said Jon wanted me to know he loves the flowers. Eduardo said he can still hear and see Jon sometimes.”

“Like, what, is he a ghost?” Tom asked, perplexed.

“He didn’t say. Maybe, though.”

The two fell back into silence. Tom did not want to rush Edd, but the rain was picking up and the sky was getting darker. The streetlamps had started to turn on, telling Tom that sunset was almost over. Suddenly, another crack of thunder sounded, this one sounding much closer than the other.

“Um, Edd?” Tom asked cautiously, sneaking a peek over his shoulder at the cemetery behind him. No one had joined them, and the gate was still open.

“Alright,” Edd muttered. He didn’t move to stand just yet, looking at Jon’s tombstone and saying, “Bye Jon. I’ll see you soon.”

He set his hands down on the ground beside him, trying to use them to push himself upwards. Instead, they just sank into the mud, dirtying them and his hoodie sleeves. Tom stepped to his side and help out his right hand, holding the umbrella in his left. Edd wiped his hands on his cargo pants, then grabbed Tom’s outstretched hand. Tom hoisted him up, but he had used more strength than he’d though, for he stumbled backwards and Edd tumbled into his torso. Tom wrapped his right arm around him, trying to steady him so they both didn’t fall into the mud. Edd didn’t move immediately, enjoying the warmth of Tom’s body. Then he remembered that he was soaking wet, and Tom probably didn’t appreciate him pressing his dripping clothes against his dry self.

Tom moved the umbrella so that it covered both of them more-or-less. His left shoulder and arm were exposed to the elements, as were Edd’s right ones, but neither one complained about it. They intertwined their other hands, and together they exited the cemetery. As Tom stopped to close the gate behind them, he swore he saw a flash of a dark figure moving. Disturbed, he glanced around the grounds, trying to make out any people through the heavy rain and descending darkness.

“What’s the matter, Tom?” Edd asked, finally sounding like he was back on planet Earth.

“Nothing, I just…I thought I saw someone.” He turned his head back to Edd, giving up on his fruitless attempt.

“Someone we know?”

“I don’t know. Just someone. I got the feeling they were hiding from us.”

Edd didn’t immediately respond, which gave Tom all the confirmation he needed. They were wondering the same thing. “Weird,” he finally decided upon, trying to brush aside the incident.

“Yep. Alright, this rain is getting vicious now. Let’s get home and make dinner.”

The pair walked off down the street, both of them refusing to look back at the cemetery. As soon as they had rounded the corner, a figure stepped out from behind a tree and lowered its red hood.

~(*)~

When the duo returned to their apartment, they found Matt casually sitting on their couch flipping through television stations. Edd ignored the unwarranted visitor, making a beeline to his bedroom so he could change into dry clothes. Tom slipped his hoodie over his head, tired of having his entire left side sopping wet. He eyed Matt with a bit of annoyance.

“Matt, how did you get in?”

“With my key, of course!” the ginger cheerily responded, not bothering to unpeel his eyes from whatever odd baking show he was watching.

Tom walked around the side of the couch so that he could have a more direct conversation with Matt.

“You don’t have a key,” he said in a deadpan tone.

“Sure I do!” Matt dug his left hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out a silver key. It was connected to a black and white checkered keychain.

“That’s mine, you dumbass,” Tom spat, grabbing the keychain from his friend. “Did you fucking steal my keys?”

“Are you two fighting?” Edd yelled from the bedroom. Tom and Matt ignored him.

“You’re always with Edd, so I figured you didn’t really need one,” Matt said haughtily, turning his nose up at Tom. “Besides, this isn’t your apartment. Why should you get a key when I don’t?”

“News flash, moron, Edd and I are dating and I do live here. I’m selling my apartment and co-signing this one with Edd.”

“You two _are_ fighting!” Edd cried as he stepped out of the bedroom. He was only half-dressed, and he was in the middle of pulling his shirt on as he entered the living room. Normally, Tom took any chance to admire his boyfriend’s body, but he was too ticked off at the moment to properly appreciate the opportunity.

Tom sighed and pocketed his keychain. “Sorry, Edd. Don’t worry about it. It’s petty shit.”

“It’s always petty shit with you two,” Edd grumbled, pulling his shirt on fully.

Matt hung his head a little, a blush growing on his face from the guilt of upsetting Edd. “I’m sorry, too, Edd,” he said in a quiet voice. “I just kind of feel left out of stuff. You and Tom are so close, and now you’re dating and live together. I just feel ostracized.”

It was Edd’s turn to sigh now. He knew he and Tom had been excluding Matt too much over the past few months. First with the secrets, now with the dating. Sure, Matt had been busy with work and his own boyfriend, but that didn’t change the fact that Edd and Tom didn’t put enough effort into hanging out with him. Edd walked over to the back of the couch and put his hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Matt. I know we’ve been kind of exclusionary recently. We’ll try and hang out more often.”

“Thanks, Edd,” Matt replied, a small grin on his face.

“But you cannot have a key to our apartment,” Tom added in a stern tone.

“Aw, come on, why not?” the ginger whined. “You two have keys to my place!”

“Knowing you, you’ll only come over when Edd and I are busy.”

“Tom!” Edd shouted, his face red as a tomato.

“What? It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.” Edd’s blush only worsened, and he cast his gaze to the floor to avoid eye contact with his boyfriend.

“Matt, you can have a key,” Edd said, ignoring his partner. “Just…knock before you come in, okay?”

“Deal! Oh, and actually, same for me. Drew has been over a lot lately and we—“

“No, nope, stop right there,” Tom said, waving his arms in a frenzied “X” shape. “Do not finish that sentence.”

“Sounds good, Matt,” Edd chuckled, enjoying seeing his boyfriend flustered. “So, anybody hungry?”

“Drew and I ate already,” Matt answered, turning his head back to his baking show.

“Yeah, I’m not really hungry right now,” Tom said with a shrug.

“Okay then, saves me from cooking a meal.” Edd leaned his back against the kitchen counter, letting out a long sigh.

“You okay, Edd?” Matt asked in a concerned tone, turning to look at Edd from the couch.

“Yeah, it’s just…it’s been a long day.” Edd rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He just wanted this day to be over. Tom had tried to make it a good day for him, but that couldn’t change the fact that this day a year ago turned all of their lives upside down. This day broke Edd’s heart, brought him unmeasurable amounts of guilt, gave him PTSD and depression. This day killed a young, kind, innocent man, and Edd just had to go pay respects to his rotting corpse. This day took Tord away from him, forever. In the long run it had done some good things, like bringing the three of them closer together and making Edd see how amazing and wonderful Tom is, but it had done much, much more harm than good. And Edd could never forget that.

Tom walked over to his boyfriend and put his hands on his shoulders. Edd uncovered his eyes, looking down at his partner’s kind face.

“You can go rest if you want, love,” Tom said in a gentle tone.

Edd just sighed again, letting his head hang down and his eyes close. Tom rested his forehead against Edd’s, closing his eyes as well. The two just stood there for several moments, as if they were trying to help each other recharge from this emotionally exhaustive day. Matt had returned to his programming, but he could still see the couple out of the corner of his eye. As the scene went on, Matt began to feel more and more awkward, and he wondered whether or not he should be seeing this.

“Uh, guys, do you want me to go?” he finally asked hesitantly after several minutes.

Edd stood up straight again, Tom moving his head out of the way to allow him to do so. Tom also removed his hands from Edd’s shoulders, knowing Edd disliked making Matt feel awkward around them.

“No, you’re fine, Matt. That was our bad,” Edd apologized.

The brunette wandered over to the couch, plopping down on the middle cushion on Matt’s left side. Tom followed suit, walking around the back of the couch and taking the end seat on Edd’s left. The pair immediately entwined their fingers. Edd opened the palm of his right hand up, reaching it out to Matt. Matt looked at the hand cautiously, unsure whether or not he should accept the gesture. But the smiles his friends were giving him told him that this was what they both wanted. Apparently they all needed a bit of intimacy to emotionally recharge themselves. Matt placed his left hand in Edd’s, and Edd intertwined their fingers. Matt leaned back against the couch, letting out a long sigh.

“What a day…” he mumbled to no one in particular. His friends nodded in agreement.

“Hard to believe it’s been a year,” Tom muttered, also to no one specifically.

“But at the same time, hard to believe it’s only been a year,” Edd chimed in. His friends nodded, knowing that for Edd, these past twelve months must have felt like years.

“I miss the way things used to be, but I’m also really happy with my life right now,” Matt said, speaking more directly to Tom and Edd now. “I’ve got a nice job, a lovely apartment, a great boyfriend. And I feel like we’ve all grown closer together, too.”

“Same here,” Tom agreed. “I miss the house and the simpler times, but I’m also really happy with where I am now.” He squeezed Edd’s hand a bit, trying to indicate Edd was one of the things making him so happy.

Edd knew he should add in his own two cents, but he was struggling to find the right words. His year had been so different from Matt and Tom’s, such much more difficult. Matt and Tom waited patiently for Edd to formulate his thoughts, realizing all of this. Finally, Edd hesitantly gave a jab at it.

“Well, I miss how things were, too, but I can’t say I’d ever want to go back to them. Not knowing what I know now.” Tom hung his head, knowing he was referring to Tord and the betrayal he had been planning all along.

“But,” Edd continued, “I also sort of do want them back. They were simpler, and in some ways, happier. But truth is I’m happy now. It took a long time, but I finally am getting to a place where I feel okay again. And I have you two to thank for it.” He squeezed both of their hands as smiles spread across their faces. “I love you guys so much,” he concluded, a smile of his own breaking out.

“We love you, too,” Matt said, Tom nodding in agreement.

Suddenly, Tom jumped up from the sofa, an idea having just hit him. He dashed over to one of the cupboards over the kitchen counter and grabbed three wine glasses. Whilst he searched for the wine, Edd and Matt turned to look at him.

“Uh, Tom, what are you doing?” Edd inquired.

“Grabbing us some wine,” Tom grunted as he dug around in various cabinets and cupboards.

“Why, exactly?” Matt asked. “You’re the only one who really drinks much.”

“Come on,” Tom said, turning around with a bottle of red wine in his hand and a smile on his face. “We deserve a toast.”

“For ourselves?”

“Yes, for ourselves! After all the bullshit we survived and helped each other through, we deserve to celebrate us.”

Edd grinned, loving the idea. Matt, too, let his face dissolve into a smile at the concept. Tom collected the glasses and wine and brought them over to the small coffee table in front of the sofa. He set the glasses down and grabbed his corkscrew that he kept on the table. The bottle popped open, and Tom poured each of them a glass full of the sweet liquid. Each of them took a glass, and Tom, still standing, proclaimed, “A toast. To us. For surviving this year of hell.”

“To us,” Matt and Edd repeated simultaneously. The three of them clinked glasses at the same time, then took a sip of their drinks. Edd made a face as he swallowed his sip down. Now he remembered why he didn’t like wine.

“Come on, Edd, it’s not that bad,” Matt said, taking another sip of the drink.

“You like wine, Matt!” Edd exclaimed, exasperated.

“Here, I’ve got an idea!” Tom declared, running off to the kitchen again. Edd watched him, trying to see what he was up to now.

He opened the fridge and pulled out a fresh can of cola, carrying it over to the coffee table.

“No,” Edd said, realizing what Tom’s idea was.

“Yes,” Tom said, a triumphant grin on his face. Tom cracked open the can and poured about a quarter of it into Edd’s wine glass. “There! Try that!” He flourished his arms dramatically, pleased with himself.

Edd looked skeptically at the glass. He was sure this would not taste good, but he decided to give it a sip anyways. He closed his eyes and took a small sip, and it took everything in him not to spit it out onto the carpet. After forcefully swallowing the disgusting concoction, he glared up at his boyfriend.

“That was terrible!” he shouted, setting the glass down on the table.

“Aw, damn it,” Tom groaned in defeat. He took a sip of the drink himself, and he made a disgusted face as he swallowed it. “Okay, yeah, you’re right. This is gross.”

“That was a terrible idea,” Matt mumbled from the sidelines.

“You’re a terrible idea,” Tom retorted.

Edd narrowed his eyes and glanced up at Tom. “You are not drunk enough for this.”

“You’re right,” Tom replied, taking a long swig from his wine glass. “Let’s fix that problem.”

Edd rolled his eyes, but he let Tom re-entwine their fingers as he took his seat again. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing on the couch in front of the T.V. Tom and Matt drank their wine, though Tom ended up having several more glasses after finishing his initial one. They flipped on an old favorite movie of their’s, Silence of the Lambs. While all three of them paid attention and enjoyed the film, each of them was basking in the company of the others. They were each grateful to just be able to spend this evening together and just be happy.

~(*)~

Once the movie had ended, Matt excused himself for the night, saying he was exhausted and needed to get up for work tomorrow. He let himself out after saying goodnight to his friends and promising to meet them for dinner tomorrow, as it was going to be Friday. The pair agreed and waved him off. After he had left, Tom put the wine and cola away, placing the three glasses in the sink to be washed tomorrow. He returned to the couch to find Edd leaning his head back, his eyes closed and breathing calm and slow. Tom took his place next to him and put his hand on Edd’s left knee.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Edd grunted, lifting his left hand up slightly and waving it lazily. “In a minute,” he grumbled.

“Edd, you’re asleep,” Tom retorted.

“Come here,” Edd said, using his hand to beckon his boyfriend closer.

Tom rolled his eyes, but obliged. He scooched closer to Edd, letting his back rest against the sofa back. Edd leaned his head on Tom’s shoulder and draped his right arm across his chest. Tom let out a quiet sigh and wrapped his right arm around Edd’s shoulders, drawing him closer to him. The couple sat like this together for several minutes, just enjoying the other’s company. Then, Edd finally broke the silence.

“I’m so grateful to have you in my life, Tom,” Edd whispered, planting a gentle kiss on Tom’s neck.

Tom smiled and rubbed Edd’s shoulder. “I’m grateful to have you too, love.”

“Remember how we met? On the playground in Kindergarten?”

“The sandbox, right?”

“Yep. Tord had just destroyed your sandcastle and I offered to help you rebuild it.”

“Yeah,” Tom chuckled. “Didn’t you scold Tord, too?”

“Oh that’s right. I’d forgotten about that.”

“He apologized to me after that. You were always the only one he’d listen to.”

Edd smiled a sad smile, but he didn’t linger on the memories too long. He wouldn’t drag himself into the hole of self-loathing.

The two fell silent again. Tom was starting to feel sleepy now, too, and he closed his eyes while he waited for Edd to say he was ready for bed.

“I love you, Tom.”

Tom’s eyes shot open. Those were not the words he had been expecting to hear. He sat up a bit and looked down at his tired boyfriend. Edd was still curled against his shoulder, and his eyes were closed. He didn’t even seem to be blushing, which was rather shocking. The initial surprise washed off of him, leaving in it’s place a warm, happy smile.

“I love you, too, Edd,” he said happily.

Wordlessly, Edd unwrapped himself from Tom and stood up. Tom followed his lead, taking the hand he extended to help him up. The pair walked with their arms around their waists to their bedroom, both of them ready to put this long day behind them.

~(*)~

 _Edd picked out the perfect flowers_ , Tord thought to himself. He sat cross-legged in front of Jon’s grave, mere moments after Edd and Tom had left. He ran his fingers delicately across the blue flowers, amazed by how soft and fresh they still were. Tord had set down his own bouquet, a standard one full of a mix of different flowers, the kind you pick up at the supermarket. Tord wished he could have spent more time picking out a nicer one, but he was pressed for time. After the events of that afternoon, he had little time to drive all the way to London and do this before night fell.

He had only been sitting in front of the grave a few minutes before Patryk walked up behind him.

“Sir, it’s getting late. We need to head back to the base so we can get some rest.”

“Good idea, Patryk,” Tord said, his back still to his soldier. He groaned as he stood up, his body sore from sitting in his desk and then the car all day. He shot Jon’s grave one more forlorn look, before whispering, “I’m sorry.” He then turned around and exited the cemetery with his friend at his side.

On the drive home, Tord tried to put the day’s events behind him. So many raw emotions, it was just overwhelming. Tord was not a man who dealt with emotions well, and certainly not a lot of them all at once. Despite his efforts, though, his mind kept drifting back to one thought: Edd and Tom, holding hands as they left.

 _I wish I was surprised_ , he thought. _But I can’t say I am. Tom’s always liked Edd, even if he didn’t realize it. And as much as I hate to admit it, he’s a good guy. I bet he’ll make Edd really happy._

_Happier than I ever could._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where to even begin? I cannot thank you guys enough for all of the support and love you have given me! I was so nervous when I first posted it, and then all of this love just made me so much more eager to get the next chapter out. So, truly, thank you for all of the reads, the comments, the Kudos, everything. It truly means so much to me. And I'm so glad you all love this story as much as I do :) 
> 
> As for the few smut/fluff scenes I have, I'll figure out where to put those. Right now I'm thinking of putting them in a separate work, but in the same series? We'll see. Whatever way it happens, I'll let y'all know.
> 
> Thanks again, everyone. It's been a great ride :)

**Author's Note:**

> I've got most of the chapters already written, so I hope to be posting new ones pretty quickly. Especially since I leave town really soon. Also, fair warning, I don't write chronologically, but I make the time periods obvious at the start of each chapter. That's just how I like to write nowadays.


End file.
